How to stop getting attached so quickly
So i’m guy 22 and don’t really get much female attention. I’m on dating apps etc and every few months or so i’ll match a girl who looks wise I find attractive and could see it being a long term relationship. But my issue is I get super attached so quickly like it’s not even funny.
I’m talking after exchanging just a few messages in my head i’m like she could be the one dont mess it up and start overthinking everything. Like if she hasn’t replied in a while, i’ll overthink it. Alright planning in my head the best way to travel to her to meet up, i’ll just instantly stop talking to other females and this is after like 3/4 messages.
Like what’s wrong with me. Anyone got any advise on how to get out of this mindset but it’s been detrimental to me so far when it doesn’t work out. It mainly happens to me when a girl checks like most my boxes. Any advise will be great.
I’m talking after exchanging just a few messages in my head i’m like she could be the one dont mess it up and start overthinking everything. Like if she hasn’t replied in a while, i’ll overthink it. Alright planning in my head the best way to travel to her to meet up, i’ll just instantly stop talking to other females and this is after like 3/4 messages.
Like what’s wrong with me. Anyone got any advise on how to get out of this mindset but it’s been detrimental to me so far when it doesn’t work out. It mainly happens to me when a girl checks like most my boxes. Any advise will be great.
have you ever had female friends?
Try and just make female friends, take it from their. Go in with the intention of building friendships.
Original post by Anonymous
have you ever had female friends?
Not really
Original post by Baby_Stitch
Try and just make female friends, take it from their. Go in with the intention of building friendships.
Ok I will try this thanks
Everyone is saying female friends but OP are you sure you won’t get attached to them too?
Original post by Anonymous
So i’m guy 22 and don’t really get much female attention. I’m on dating apps etc and every few months or so i’ll match a girl who looks wise I find attractive and could see it being a long term relationship. But my issue is I get super attached so quickly like it’s not even funny.
I’m talking after exchanging just a few messages in my head i’m like she could be the one dont mess it up and start overthinking everything. Like if she hasn’t replied in a while, i’ll overthink it. Alright planning in my head the best way to travel to her to meet up, i’ll just instantly stop talking to other females and this is after like 3/4 messages.
Like what’s wrong with me. Anyone got any advise on how to get out of this mindset but it’s been detrimental to me so far when it doesn’t work out. It mainly happens to me when a girl checks like most my boxes. Any advise will bFr
I’m talking after exchanging just a few messages in my head i’m like she could be the one dont mess it up and start overthinking everything. Like if she hasn’t replied in a while, i’ll overthink it. Alright planning in my head the best way to travel to her to meet up, i’ll just instantly stop talking to other females and this is after like 3/4 messages.
Like what’s wrong with me. Anyone got any advise on how to get out of this mindset but it’s been detrimental to me so far when it doesn’t work out. It mainly happens to me when a girl checks like most my boxes. Any advise will bFr
From a female's point of view- we like it when the men try to be casual friends in the first couple of months and then progress from there.
If you do end up liking them in those initial months, don't push it. be simple.
(edited 3 years ago)
I agree with the others advising OP to make female friends first, but that can also be an issue. Someone with little social skills, unpopular or not had opportunities to do things with others will struggle as they've not had the experience and from mine it's defo the case that you get judged on these things more by girls than guys. A girl might talk to a friendly guy to be polite or kind when someone like OP might take it the wrong way and unknowingly reinforce the perception of creepiness/neediness that he clearly wants to stop.
When you're past a certain age, you (very wrongly) start seeing most girls as ones you want to get with. "Will she be the one that saves me? Will she be the one I lose my virginity to? Will I end my sickening loneliness and have someone to love?". These are all thoughts that resonate with you because you're inexperienced and so unnerved by this fact that you start reading too much into every interaction, psychoanalysing even the most trivial things unfortunately (leading to more mental unbalancing). Not getting attached requires hobbies and pursuits, so I'd invest in these heavily to claw back the immense attachment to these girls he's getting (a driven, purposeful guy is also an attractive one to a range of women btw).
Take things slowly and with little expectation, so that way you don't feel bad if things don't go the way you want them to. You'll learn from the slip ups and maybe at the moment you're about to give up, there could be a girl who ticks all your boxes and likes you for you; it's just a matter of it happening rather than being obsessed with girls who you failed with before. As long as you're doing you, that's all that matters..
When you're past a certain age, you (very wrongly) start seeing most girls as ones you want to get with. "Will she be the one that saves me? Will she be the one I lose my virginity to? Will I end my sickening loneliness and have someone to love?". These are all thoughts that resonate with you because you're inexperienced and so unnerved by this fact that you start reading too much into every interaction, psychoanalysing even the most trivial things unfortunately (leading to more mental unbalancing). Not getting attached requires hobbies and pursuits, so I'd invest in these heavily to claw back the immense attachment to these girls he's getting (a driven, purposeful guy is also an attractive one to a range of women btw).
Take things slowly and with little expectation, so that way you don't feel bad if things don't go the way you want them to. You'll learn from the slip ups and maybe at the moment you're about to give up, there could be a girl who ticks all your boxes and likes you for you; it's just a matter of it happening rather than being obsessed with girls who you failed with before. As long as you're doing you, that's all that matters..
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by CaptainDuckie
Everyone is saying female friends but OP are you sure you won’t get attached to them too?
Nah, not all females. Just when i’m talking to one I could see a long term relationship with. Otherwise, if we are just talking or it seems like a short time relationship thing i’m not really phased to be honest.
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