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    (Original post by blissy)
    Love. Part of growing of growing up is moving away from your parents and making your own family. Usually this is not as drastic a separation as might happen with this girl, but it still happens to an extent.
    :confused: But you fail to see the dangers involved. Yes, part of growing up in THIS culture does mean all that. But in an islamic culture, your parents are who you worship, look after, live with, etc. all your life.
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    Did they let her go out with this other guy for four years or did they not know about him?
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    I can't believe they'd force her to marry someone she didn't love. That existed 100 years ago..However, as I am not religious, I cannot understand the religious extents her parents believe in and so am not very qualified to answer this. Though I think that if they really loved their daughter, they would allow her to be happy and marry her. Are her parents really affectionate and really really love her? Coz then maybe she should stay with them. But then again, if they really did wouldn't they let her marry the person of her choice or would this involve some form of religious shame or punishment? Nonetheless, I voted for Love coz i think that sooner or later, she's gonna have to go her own way, as she won't accept to marry the guy her paretns will want to, and so will be forced to leave home someday or other. Why not do it with a person she loves, as she's gonna have to.
    Please tell us what she's decided to do !!
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    (Original post by wild thing)
    I can't believe they'd force her to marry someone she didn't love. That existed 100 years ago..However, as I am not religious, I cannot understand the religious extents her parents believe in and so am not very qualified to answer this. Though I think that if they really loved their daughter, they would allow her to be happy and marry her. Are her parents really affectionate and really really love her? Coz then maybe she should stay with them. But then again, if they really did wouldn't they let her marry the person of her choice or would this involve some form of religious shame or punishment? Nonetheless, I voted for Love coz i think that sooner or later, she's gonna have to go her own way, as she won't accept to marry the guy her paretns will want to, and so will be forced to leave home someday or other. Why not do it with a person she loves, as she's gonna have to.
    Please tell us what she's decided to do !!
    im not sure as i think today in this world the perception of arranged marrage is seen as taboo by western society, but in pakistan and india its not uncommon. I think that as most older asians here are first generation (1st gen to life in uk) they see it as the norm. Its just a case of two different cultures combining, with one seeing the other as unacceptable
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    The results are quite surprising..didnt expect Love to be leading..oh well i wonder how biased this sample is?

    Sabx
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    (Original post by amo1)
    im not sure as i think today in this world the perception of arranged marrage is seen as taboo by western society, but in pakistan and india its not uncommon. I think that as most older asians here are first generation (1st gen to life in uk) they see it as the norm. Its just a case of two different cultures combining, with one seeing the other as unacceptable
    mmm well my judgement IS biased as I am against arranged marriages. I think someone form Inida or Pakistan that actually understand the religions and the risks involved would be more suitable to answer you . Gd luck to her
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    I'm gonna say independence.

    I would be against an arranged marriage so would feel betrayed by my family for not considering my wishes but I wouldnt want to choose love as that would be a huge burden on my relationship and my boyf so I would tell him that I left because I wont be dictated on how to run my life by my parents. I would also tell my parents that I love them but cant live to make them happy.
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    A problem that it is hard for me to relate to.. my parents would never put me in such a position. But, if I was in love with him, and he was in love with me, I couldn't walk away from that. I also couldn't say marriage vows to someone I wasn't in love with. It goes against everything I believe in.
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    (Original post by Adhsur)
    *sigh*! This is just one of the many cases which confirms Islam's lack of tolerance of other religions which clearly don't have the same prejudices.

    P.S. Is she in England? I presume so. If she is, then I would say she has a chance.
    Wouldn't you say this was more a cultural thing, a Pakistani cultural thing.

    The same applies in many Hindu families. You can't put this down to Islam.
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    (Original post by K'uin K'ra)
    She should go for the hindu guy. If her parents are going to force her to marry a muslim guy who... will treat her worse than the dog
    Rubbish. You can't make such a sweeping statement. Wheres the proof aside from tabloid hysteria?
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    By muslim standards these parents are very tolerant indeed if she has had a boy-friend at all, especially of another religion. However, if they accept that it sounds as if they are concerned with cultural and familial matters and matters of shame rather than any actual beliefs or dogmas. Is the bloke from Pakistan a cousin? Extended cousin marriage over several generations can lead to children having heredtitary defects- another argument against it.
    See if she can talk it over with her parents and establish some kind of arrangement involving waiting and discussion on all sides. She is actually being presented with a false dichotomy. It isn't parents or love, but parents or lopss of parents and- if she chooses loss of parents- whether to marry yet. If she refuses to marry the Pakistani she does not have to marry her lover yet. Eighteen is too young to marry, and if she dumps some of her customs she may as well dump more and cohabit to see how they get on first. Whatever happens- she ought to get educated.
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    (Original post by Weejimmie)
    Whatever happens- she ought to get educated.
    LOL, whos' to say she's not?
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    (Original post by Mad Caddie)
    LOL, whos' to say she's not?
    Quite a few muslims. The theory is it is a husband's duty to maintain his wife. The wife's duty is to bring up the children, therefore she does not need more education that is needed to raise children, which- according to such people- isn't a lot. Traditional followers of other religions have similar attitudes.
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    i would say love. If her parents would disown her for not letting them choose who she marries, i dont think she should listen to them. Its her life, let her choose.
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    Religion is ok up to a point. When your whole life depends on it and you cannot live with somebody you love and when your parents dump you for not following some religious practice, it's time to think again. The parents need to be told that if they want a child, they may as well get a new one.
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    (Original post by ladyshort4u)
    one of my friends is going through a problem at the moment. She is 18 and a muslim and her parents want her to get married asap to a guy from Pakistan. However, she is engaged to a Hindu guy. Her parents know that she is going out with him but now they have basically given her the ultimatum - Him or Us. If you dont break up with him and swear on Allah that your not with him anymore then we will disown you. What would you do in this situation!? Choose your parents or your love bearing in my mind that her parents are SO strict and are not willing to budge at all in the decision they have made!? Just curious to know what people would do and who they would choose!

    love ladyshort
    *sighs*, It is so hard believe me, I'm a muslim, if you lot havent noticed already, lol. My parents are strict about this too, but not so strict. They would kill me, if they knew I had a boyfriend, whose not muslim. They would never let me marry Shane
    The thing is though, I dont want to disheart them, cos I dont want them to be ashamed of me, cos If they knew I had sex, it would be so hard for them, cos alot of people talk and they would think we are a bad family, and think Im a tart, even though I dont dress like one, but just because Im not a virgin. At the moment, Im in love too, with Shane, but if I ever fell in love with someone else, I dont know what Id do. Actually Id probably run away with that guy to another country, that is if he loved me too. Arranged marriages have loads of faults, but my parents are very happy, and Ive seen so many that are successful. There are so many people in this world who die lonely and never been with someone, and arranged marriages are good in that sense. I dont know what Id do, my parents are already saying that Im old enough to settle down and get married to some stranger. And Ive said a billion times, no way Im waiting for Shane.
    From your choice, If a guy (besides Shane) falls in love with me, and I love him too, then for definite I would choose love. But you never know, and Ive been dating since I was young secretly, and no guy has really liked me, in fact Ive been either cheated at or been dumped. I would love to have children now, and if I dont have a lover by the time Im in my late twenties, then arranged it would have to be. Ok Ive lost the plot now. lol, Im confused.
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    WOah! A lot of replies to my friends dilemma! lol! ok well firstly, No her parents havent known she has been with this guy since she was 14 and she has been hiding it. Only recently have they found out as when they told her that they are going to get her married to this pakistani dude, did she come out with that she is dating this hindu guy and her parents hit the roof and are not allowing her out of the house unless one of her girlfriends goes and picks her up and drops her home and vows to keep her with her the whole time. I just dont know how she will live with this pakistani guy in pakistan knowing that she is in love iwth someone else the whole time. it just doesnt seem fair. she is planning on runnning away with this hindu guy but his parents, altho they like my friend and are happy with the relationship, they want her to do things the "proper" way and leave with her parent's blessings. confusion confusion :confused: :confused: :confused:
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    (Original post by K'uin K'ra)
    She should go for the hindu guy. If her parents are going to force her to marry a muslim guy (who, let's face it, she doesn't love and will treat her worse than the dog), they aren't exactly loving parents, are they? And why would you want to give up everything for parents that don't even love you?
    first of all who said her parents dont love her,and secondly how did you know the the guy she may marry is going to treat her worse than a fdog maybe he would turn out better than the hindu guy we've seen alot of love marriges fail after 15 or 10 years
    plus I dont know about other countries but here in an arranged marrige you get to know the guy for a year and see if you like him you stay togather and get married if you dont then you just break up,thats all
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    (Original post by habosh)
    first of all who said her parents dont love her,and secondly how did you know the the guy she may marry is going to treat her worse than a fdog maybe he would turn out better than the hindu guy we've seen alot of love marriges fail after 15 or 10 years
    plus I dont know about other countries but here in an arranged marrige you get to know the guy for a year and see if you like him you stay togather and get married if you dont then you just break up,thats all


    yeh ur right in a way as wel but even if she aws to get to know thisg uy for a year i know that her heart wouldnt be in it as she would be constantly thinking about this other guy (hinduguy) who she is totally in love with. yeh sure love marriages fail but so do arranged marriages - i think it depends on the individual but shouldnt we do what our hearts tell us to do?
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    (Original post by ladyshort4u)
    yeh ur right in a way as wel but even if she aws to get to know thisg uy for a year i know that her heart wouldnt be in it as she would be constantly thinking about this other guy (hinduguy) who she is totally in love with. yeh sure love marriages fail but so do arranged marriages - i think it depends on the individual but shouldnt we do what our hearts tell us to do?
    anyways I dont believe in love
 
 
 
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