War photographer and remains comparison gcse what grade can it be out of 34.

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avengersendgame
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just wanted to know what mark can this be out 34 if continued with this kind of quality.

In both 'War Photographer' and 'Remains' they explore the effect of war on how the soldiers are encountering the deaths of other soldiers and that they are now suffering from those deaths. In 'War Photographer' that's conveyed how at the first stanza on the second line of how the "spools of sufferings are set out in ordered rows." As for the word "spools", it's a double entendre of unravelling the negative that was on a spool, and the other meaning is that it can be that the "spools of suffer" illustrates a soft sound but also mirroring the idea of sinisterness of how these photo is forcing the war photographer to suffer from PTSD. Also, the photographs are set out in "ordered rows''; which can be an allusion to the semantic field of depicting an image to the reader that he: the war photographer is imagining gravestones being sorted out the images in war cemeteries as he's remembering those photographs that he took and how the idea of death is presented via graves. Furthermore, it presents an image to the photographer that he's earning a living through other dead people. For war photographers, the war photographer is profiting from other people's death and trying to prevent further death that will expose what death is really like and how they are now suffering from those deaths - that's continuously traumatising them. It is exactly identical to 'Remains' of how the soldiers in the sixth stanza, on the last line, how the "drink and drugs won't flush him out." From the employment of a metaphor, it is highlighting the significance of how it is delivering the drugs that won't flush him out. It's applying strong repetition suggesting it is from depression as the images of death caused them to witness images that are constantly causing the soldiers to suffer, and as the result of this it has caused them to suffer from PTSD. Armitage isn't only describing one experience, but a collective experience and the effects of memories that have remained as suggested from the title. It is one soldier who represents other soldiers' emotions. That's deliberate technique to display how they are forcing themself to take these drugs in order to relieve those memories that are constantly haunting them.
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cloudy1012
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(Original post by avengersendgame)
just wanted to know what mark can this be out 34 if continued with this kind of quality.

In both 'War Photographer' and 'Remains' they explore the effect of war on how the soldiers are encountering the deaths of other soldiers and that they are now suffering from those deaths. In 'War Photographer' that's conveyed how at the first stanza on the second line of how the "spools of sufferings are set out in ordered rows." As for the word "spools", it's a double entendre of unravelling the negative that was on a spool, and the other meaning is that it can be that the "spools of suffer" illustrates a soft sound but also mirroring the idea of sinisterness of how these photo is forcing the war photographer to suffer from PTSD. Also, the photographs are set out in "ordered rows''; which can be an allusion to the semantic field of depicting an image to the reader that he: the war photographer is imagining gravestones being sorted out the images in war cemeteries as he's remembering those photographs that he took and how the idea of death is presented via graves. Furthermore, it presents an image to the photographer that he's earning a living through other dead people. For war photographers, the war photographer is profiting from other people's death and trying to prevent further death that will expose what death is really like and how they are now suffering from those deaths - that's continuously traumatising them. It is exactly identical to 'Remains' of how the soldiers in the sixth stanza, on the last line, how the "drink and drugs won't flush him out." From the employment of a metaphor, it is highlighting the significance of how it is delivering the drugs that won't flush him out. It's applying strong repetition suggesting it is from depression as the images of death caused them to witness images that are constantly causing the soldiers to suffer, and as the result of this it has caused them to suffer from PTSD. Armitage isn't only describing one experience, but a collective experience and the effects of memories that have remained as suggested from the title. It is one soldier who represents other soldiers' emotions. That's deliberate technique to display how they are forcing themself to take these drugs in order to relieve those memories that are constantly haunting them.
This is really good and would score a high 20 and possible even in the 30. I have noticed how you used "For war photographers, the war photographer" which is quite repetitive, so try to do something different like "The persona of the poem is profiting...."
Also for the evidence sentence near the start, try to use a flowing sentence like:
The photographer sees how the ''spools of sufferings are set out in ordered rows"
because the teacher will understand what poem you are talking about
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avengersendgame
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(Original post by cloudy1012)
This is really good and would score a high 20 and possible even in the 30. I have noticed how you used "For war photographers, the war photographer" which is quite repetitive, so try to do something different like "The persona of the poem is profiting...."
Also for the evidence sentence near the start, try to use a flowing sentence like:
The photographer sees how the ''spools of sufferings are set out in ordered rows"
because the teacher will understand what poem you are talking about
thanks but I am not sure as you and someone else say my work is in the high 20 zones whereas someone else says that it's in the low 20 zone if you someone else who can give feedback please do share as it can be a clear image for me what grade it is.
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cloudy1012
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(Original post by avengersendgame)
thanks but I am not sure as you and someone else say my work is in the high 20 zones whereas someone else says that it's in the low 20 zone if you someone else who can give feedback please do share as it can be a clear image for me what grade it is.
I was considering that you followed this through the whole essay, which is a really good structure for each paragraph. You developed the quotes really well.
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avengersendgame
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(Original post by cloudy1012)
I was considering that you followed this through the whole essay, which is a really good structure for each paragraph. You developed the quotes really well.
this is actually another essay that i have finished so maybe this can give you a clear image as its a completed one:

30 for content and 4 for spag

In both ‘Exposure’ and ‘Bayonet Charge’ conflict is presented with negative impacts specifically for the soldiers. Conflict in both poems is arguably very significant as they are both based on how the soldiers are affected by this conflict. Some readers may argue that conflict has positive impacts as they are defending their country no matter the circumstances, but the negative impacts are much more severe as soldiers rather prefer “ongoing suffering” than conflict.

In both ‘Exposure’ and ‘Bayonet Charge’ form is operated in order for conflict to end. That’s conveyed of how Wilfred Owen describes that “nothing is happening.” It's refraining that throughout this poem is sending a political message to the reader that he wants peace to be established and Owen himself was very tired of this conflict. Furthermore, it emphasises the inertial sense of paralysis which is foreboding the ones that have died during this conflict. The silence in itself is with lifelessness; the uncanny and eerie reflects that all these confusions mirror that they are tired of this ongoing conflict and wanting it to end. This is exactly identical to ‘Bayonet Charge. In stanza one of ‘Bayonet Charge’ contains seven lines as well as the second stanza containing eight lines. The first stanza describes how “He lugged a rifle numb as a smashed arm” which is an iambic rhythm, but in contrast to the second stanza it employs the trochaic rhythm of how the “bullets were smacking the belly out of the air”. These two different form techniques, it is implying that this is having a disconcerting effect on the war and that they want this to stop. It isn’t a natural rhythm to the poem so there is an unnatural rhythm to the soldiers, and how that they are tired of this ongoing conflict, and the unnatural is reflecting the uncomfortableness.

Furthermore, both poets illustrate the negative effects of conflict, it has had on the soldier from the experiences that they are going through. Towards the end of 'Exposure', the writer describes the soldiers are “paused over half-know faces. All their eyes are ice". It reveals the significance of how the effects of the conflict have caused their eyes to be both literally and metaphorically dying from the weather conditions. If the soldier were to have friends they would have much more pity, however, if they don’t have friends they wouldn't have a lot of pity for each other. "But nothing happens" is conveying that from this ongoing suffering they would rather prefer to suffer from this bitter cold than being shot in battle; also from this ongoing suffering they want a peace treaty to be established. ‘Bayonet Charge’ is exactly identical to how it illustrates the negative effects of conflict. Hughes describes how they “suddenly he awoke and was running - raw In raw." As for this quote, it begins with a media res and its mirroring that conflict is unnatural and is applied to the awakening of normal life and its very different to its current state. Also, that implies that it's a dream as the soldiers are awakening from war. The soldiers are awakening from the middle of "raw". The repetition of "raw" and "war" depicts how conflict is both emotionally and physically painful. More on, it's a homophone for the war of how it has awakened them from their dreams as the word: "suddenly" suggests. The verb: "running" reflects that it's occurring suddenly but also without punctuation mimicking that they are either running towards death or running away from their death.

Moreover, ‘Exposure’ and ‘Bayonet Charge’ apply structure however for different purposes in order to show conflict in a particular viewpoint. Owen presents conflict as being monotonous. That’s illustrated how Owen applies the half-rhymes of "salient" and "nervous". From this structural technique it implies how conflict has caused the poem to be unsettling and repetitive and the sentiment that " nothing happens." Furthermore, this mimics that there's no rhyme scheme occurring in 'Exposure'. Another interpretation is the effect of conflict is that it is depicting that conflict gives a sense of status and sameness throughout the poem that "nothing is happening." However, in contrast 'Bayonet Charge' conflict is shown to be chaotic through the structure. Hughes applies, both enjambment and caesuras to achieve how conflict is again very chaotic. As from the operation of the enjambment and caesura, it displays that Owen creates both a bizarre and erratic speed to the poem strengthening the point that charge of the soldiers was confusion and intensity of the battle with explosions and intensity of the battle. Therefore, it mirrors how conflict has led to jumbled thoughts in soldiers' minds in ‘Bayonet Charge.

To conclude, ‘Exposure’ presents conflict being very dominant given that Owen explores conflict to illustrate what impact that this can have on the soldiers, but, on the other hand, ‘Bayonet Charge’ is a more inspiring conflict poem as it depicts how Hughes is having a tribute to his father’s suffering. It memorialises conflict as a warning for those in the future generation.
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cloudy1012
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(Original post by avengersendgame)
this is actually another essay that i have finished so maybe this can give you a clear image as its a completed one:

30 for content and 4 for spag

In both ‘Exposure’ and ‘Bayonet Charge’ conflict is presented with negative impacts specifically for the soldiers. Conflict in both poems is arguably very significant as they are both based on how the soldiers are affected by this conflict. Some readers may argue that conflict has positive impacts as they are defending their country no matter the circumstances, but the negative impacts are much more severe as soldiers rather prefer “ongoing suffering” than conflict.

In both ‘Exposure’ and ‘Bayonet Charge’ form is operated in order for conflict to end. That’s conveyed of how Wilfred Owen describes that “nothing is happening.” It's refraining that throughout this poem is sending a political message to the reader that he wants peace to be established and Owen himself was very tired of this conflict. Furthermore, it emphasises the inertial sense of paralysis which is foreboding the ones that have died during this conflict. The silence in itself is with lifelessness; the uncanny and eerie reflects that all these confusions mirror that they are tired of this ongoing conflict and wanting it to end. This is exactly identical to ‘Bayonet Charge. In stanza one of ‘Bayonet Charge’ contains seven lines as well as the second stanza containing eight lines. The first stanza describes how “He lugged a rifle numb as a smashed arm” which is an iambic rhythm, but in contrast to the second stanza it employs the trochaic rhythm of how the “bullets were smacking the belly out of the air”. These two different form techniques, it is implying that this is having a disconcerting effect on the war and that they want this to stop. It isn’t a natural rhythm to the poem so there is an unnatural rhythm to the soldiers, and how that they are tired of this ongoing conflict, and the unnatural is reflecting the uncomfortableness.

Furthermore, both poets illustrate the negative effects of conflict, it has had on the soldier from the experiences that they are going through. Towards the end of 'Exposure', the writer describes the soldiers are “paused over half-know faces. All their eyes are ice". It reveals the significance of how the effects of the conflict have caused their eyes to be both literally and metaphorically dying from the weather conditions. If the soldier were to have friends they would have much more pity, however, if they don’t have friends they wouldn't have a lot of pity for each other. "But nothing happens" is conveying that from this ongoing suffering they would rather prefer to suffer from this bitter cold than being shot in battle; also from this ongoing suffering they want a peace treaty to be established. ‘Bayonet Charge’ is exactly identical to how it illustrates the negative effects of conflict. Hughes describes how they “suddenly he awoke and was running - raw In raw." As for this quote, it begins with a media res and its mirroring that conflict is unnatural and is applied to the awakening of normal life and its very different to its current state. Also, that implies that it's a dream as the soldiers are awakening from war. The soldiers are awakening from the middle of "raw". The repetition of "raw" and "war" depicts how conflict is both emotionally and physically painful. More on, it's a homophone for the war of how it has awakened them from their dreams as the word: "suddenly" suggests. The verb: "running" reflects that it's occurring suddenly but also without punctuation mimicking that they are either running towards death or running away from their death.

Moreover, ‘Exposure’ and ‘Bayonet Charge’ apply structure however for different purposes in order to show conflict in a particular viewpoint. Owen presents conflict as being monotonous. That’s illustrated how Owen applies the half-rhymes of "salient" and "nervous". From this structural technique it implies how conflict has caused the poem to be unsettling and repetitive and the sentiment that " nothing happens." Furthermore, this mimics that there's no rhyme scheme occurring in 'Exposure'. Another interpretation is the effect of conflict is that it is depicting that conflict gives a sense of status and sameness throughout the poem that "nothing is happening." However, in contrast 'Bayonet Charge' conflict is shown to be chaotic through the structure. Hughes applies, both enjambment and caesuras to achieve how conflict is again very chaotic. As from the operation of the enjambment and caesura, it displays that Owen creates both a bizarre and erratic speed to the poem strengthening the point that charge of the soldiers was confusion and intensity of the battle with explosions and intensity of the battle. Therefore, it mirrors how conflict has led to jumbled thoughts in soldiers' minds in ‘Bayonet Charge.

To conclude, ‘Exposure’ presents conflict being very dominant given that Owen explores conflict to illustrate what impact that this can have on the soldiers, but, on the other hand, ‘Bayonet Charge’ is a more inspiring conflict poem as it depicts how Hughes is having a tribute to his father’s suffering. It memorialises conflict as a warning for those in the future generation.
This is really good again, you've managed to come up with 3 different comparisons and made them really developed. The only minor mistake I see is how you've repeated the "exactly identical", try to use similarly, correspondingly, likewise
and the other corrections I've said before
so you would score approx. 30 or a grade 8/9
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