Just general friendship issues or is it autism?

Hi so I’m 18 and female.
I’ve had a difficult time with friendships in my life so far,
I have had a lot of friendships come and go, I have lost a few friends due to arguments that were not my fault.
At the moment I am content within myself however I have to admit that the friends I have now are only temporary, I am settling until I find some people that I hopefully really get on with, I just feel like I’ve met a lot of temporary friends in my life that I never completely vibed with however, I notice other people around me seem to have more secure friendships that they have more in common with. I am a party person however the friends I have now are not party people and so really, I feel like these are just temporary friends that I don’t have enough in common with. I want to find friends that are girly like me and like to talk about makeup and partying and not just school work. That is not to say that’s I am not grateful for the friends I have now- of course I am I’m just worried that for some reason I seem to find it harder than most people to find my group of people. My friendships on average last around 1 year before an argument happens, or I feel like we don’t have anything in common anymore and I have outgrown that person.

On a side note I’ve looked through a list of autistic traits and I don’t really identify with the following;
Sensory issues
Stimming
Get upset if routine is changed
Literal and rigid thinking
Special interests

However, I do overthink a lot, I have anxiety and depression but that has calmed down a lot recently.

I also have to admit that I enjoy being by myself a lot of the time as well as being around others, it just worries me that thIs isn’t normal for someone of my age.

The last thing I’d like to add Is that I feel like nowadays I notice autism and adhd seem to be diagnosed an awful lot, I have been with camhs in the past and around 50% of the therapists I saw thought I was autistic and 50% I saw said I wasn’t. In high school my school were very focused on labelling people and were adamant about giving me an LSA and diagnosing me with autism to the point that they literally started making up symptoms that I didn’t have. This past experience troubled me.
Thanks

Reply 1

Anonymous#98

Although I am only 16 I know what u mean, all through the rest of school I have been hanging out with a different small group of people every year depending on who was in my class and none of which really had my interests but now I have just stuck a bunch of people I like together on a group chat and invited them to events together and now they are all friends and I feel like we will be for a while even though we are all very mismatched and have different interests. What keeps us together I think is our ability to be jokey and never take anything really seriously so we don't fight (this might be because I mostly have guy friends). I feel like what u r looking for is like the stereotypical teen popular group that u see in American films which all talk about girly things, I would really like that kinda relationship as well but the only problem is that tends to come with a lot of drama which can make it less likely to last. All I would really say to u is to just keep looking because in a kinda way it feels like trying to find a soul mate (not impossible but might take sometime) and if u just find that one person who can be your best friend to feel comfortable and talk about all the girl talk with instead of a group it would be ideal without the drama and ensuring u keep a mutual level of trust.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Anymore replies or suggestions guys? it would be really appreciated

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I am 22 and female, and I have felt the EXACT same way as you for as long as I can remember. I also expected autism/aspergers for a while, and after one of my best friends got diagnosed with it I was like "alright, I probably have this too", but turns out I dont. I also struggled a lot with anxiety and depression, especially when I was a teenager, but it calmed down a lot as I got older and now I just have occasional bad days where I dont feel like leaving my bed, but I am all good the rest of the time. I never got formally diagnosed with ADHD, but my therapists all suspected it, I just never bothered to get tested.

I also struggle a lot with maintaining friendships, and I rarely meet people that I fully vibe with. For example, I studied in the US to get my undergraduate degree, and while everyone seemed to find their friend groups pretty early on I was just bouncing around from friend group to friend group. There werent any big conflicts or anything like that, I just didnt feel like I found anyone that I truly connected with or that had the same interests as me (I am also a party person, but I dont mind having a chill night in either). Eventually I got so tired of not connecting with anyone that I just stopped trying. I am probably an introverted extrovert; when Im with people I am super social and outgoing, but I do need to spend time alone to recharge and just be by myself.

I always suspected something was wrong with me, but as I have gotten older I have realized that its not. I have realized that I just dont care to put in the effort for someone that I dont really have anything in common with, because I am always looking for those great people worth keeping in my life that I actually connect with and have fun with, instead of trying to befriend every single person I meet. I have met a lot of great people since then that I have built strong friendships with, but I still feel like I would love to have that tight friend group that everyone else seems to have. Is it normal to be/feel like this? Turns out it is. Some people are just versatile and can befriend anyone and be happy, turns out I am not really able to befriend people (at least not close friendships) whom I dont feel like I share any interests or hobbies with. I have also met some people who feel the same way as me, and they all tell me that they thought it wasnt normal. It is, we are all different, and some of us just struggle more with making those meaningful longterm connections.

You are still young, and I can guarantee you that as you get older you will meet people that are more like you, and youre gonna build great friendships with them! Not sure if this helps, but I just wanted to tell you that it is more normal than it may seem :smile: