I got rejected by my dream job, help me

Help me please, I'm literally crying out for help because I have nobody to turn to. People come to me in real life for support and help and I support them, meanwhile I'm really struggling with my own mental health but I'm not telling anyone about it in real life and I keep it to myself. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this in real life.

I got rejected by my dream job which I've always wanted, I was passing all the stages and then I failed on the last hurdle and I can't come to terms with it. I hate myself and I feel so stupid, for failing whilst others have passed. It was my dream job, I don't want any other job and I just can't come to terms that I was so close in getting it and then failed. I used to be religious and I prayed that I get this job but now I'm not. I always see people say stuff like "when one door closes, God opens another one" or "God has better plans for you" etc but I don't want "better plans" or open "another door" I wanted THIS job, and only this one. If it's God who decides our whole destiny, that means we don't really have free will and can't really achieve what we truly want, if it isn't in God's "plan" for us. I don't want God in my life in this case then, I want to live my life how I want to and not have a higher being making choices for me.

I just feel so worthless and stupid, my dream has just crashed in 1 million little pieces, and my whole world has just come crashing down on me. I don't know what I'll do with myself. I've got nobody to talk to about this in real life because it's always me who is listening to other people's problems and supporting them. Help me please