Please if anyone is kind enough to read my essay on a christams carol

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Velvet cake
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#1
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#1
I'm revising for my exams on a couple of books and one of them is a Christmas carol I've just done this essay with a previous plan to the theme of poverty PART B
please, anyone, do you mind reading my essay and consider how much I could get out of 20 (I'm doing Edexcel) and if you'd be kind enough to give any tips if I am lacking anything important that would be awesome.
i also didn't do this under timed condition but it was very similar to the time required in an exam ,sorry there isn't any punctuation
HOW DOES DICKEN PROTRAY POVERTY IN A CHRISTMAS CAROL?

The allegorical novella Dicken presents poverty as a mechanism to consider the poor’s circumstances

Throughout the novella Dicken shows poverty through the setting of London, as there was nothing 'cheerful in the climate or town … but yet there was an air of cheerfulness’,within Dickensian London the atmosphere presented was quite 'cheerful' this allows us to understand the perspective of a poor civilian living in awful conditions, yet blinded and in denial to such a harsh exposure of reality and to sympathies with their hope and positivity, as they enjoy the experience of being appreciatiated and respect to an extent from the higher classes, the connectives 'but, yet' support the idea of hope and anticipation,this allows them to feel a sentimental feeling of nostalgia,as before the industrial revolution even though there was still a distinct difference between the higher and lower classes, the segregation was smaller in comparison to during the industrial revolution Christmas was a time to share with both the rich and poor which somewhat gave the poor a sense of equality. Dickens attempted to acknowledge Christmas as a time of peace and even though it wasn’t a popular as it is now a days he strived to impact his audience to be encouraged to demonstrate societal actions towards the poor.

Another pivotal area within the novel is when scrooge explores the understanding of happiness,as scrooge observes his former boss, Fezziwig, communicating with both the rich and the poor he realizes the impact of happiness,'the happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune' the controversial words between 'happiness' and 'fortune' enables the readers to feel opposed by scrooge’s idea that possibly fortune brings happiness which is conflicting to the way Scrooge is presented throughout a Christmas carol. Scrooge has money but we question whether he is happy and there are many factors that indicate that Scrooge is perhaps not happy. Contrastingly the audience of the Victorian era may agree with his subsequent statement as many rich people were thriving throughout the industrial revolution and perhaps feelings themselves with false happiness perhaps through immoral ways such as depriving the less fortunate of the morals and dignity Dicken used Fezziwig as a mechanism to evoke a bit of compassion in the character scrooge.

Finally, dickens subtly uses Mrs Cratchit fear to highlight the treatment shown to the poor. Mrs Cratchit 'suppose someone were to go backyard and stolen it’ this allows the reader to understand the treatment shown to the poor by the higher classes the were falsely accused of being criminals and 'stole' from not only the rich but their own neighbours this would give a further approval to their audience, who already had similar ideas to scrooge to why the poor were inferior to them as the idea of them stealing from their neighbours go against the ten commandments which was apart of Christianity within the Victorian era and so his contemporary audience would feel threatened by the poor as they weren’t living life correctly.
Last edited by Velvet cake; 1 year ago
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jamesg2
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#2
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#2
I believe your chosen theme is the circumstances of the poor.
In para 1 It is just assertion. You are stating opinions without any textual support. I do not say your ideas are wrong, but you do not provide any quotes to support your posts
In para 2 you rightly comment on Fezziwig and use an excellent unscroogian quote - something in Stave 1 Scrooge would never have said. An excellent implied difference between Fezziwig and Scrooge. Some good analysis
In para 3 I could not find the Mrs Cratchit quote. I am not sure Mrs Cratchit meant what you state about the poor. A great deal of Stave 2 is devoted to Disvkens factual descriptions of the poor. Pity you did not use some of them. However your point about the belittling of the poor is worth making

The Criteria
AO1
Read, understand and respond to texts
Students should be able to:
● maintain a critical style and develop an informed personal response
● use textual references, including quotations, to support and illustrate interpretation = 37%

AO2
Analyse the language, form and structure used by a writer to create meanings and effects, using relevant subject terminology where appropriate = 42%

Judgement:-
AO 1:-
You clearly understand the text.
To be honest you do not have a strong critical style. You provide some criticism but not a great deal.
You use some textual reference, but not a great deal

I honestly cannot award more than 18. To be honest that may be excessive.

AO 2:-
I am sorry to have to say it, but I do not see you have addressed this criteria. There is some use of quotes but the effects of form and structure that Dickens uses I do not feel you have addressed. You have also not described any subject terminology.

I cannot award more than 18. Again to be honest that may be excessive
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Velvet cake
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#3
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#3
thank you for your response but i think you may be addressing AQA in terms of AO2 as the criteria for edexcel is to focus on AO1, i think
Here is the mark scheme for Edexcel if you'd like to take look and see where i could improve. THANK ONCE AGAIN for replying

0 No rewardable material.
Level 1 1–4  The response is simple with little personal response.
 There is little evidence of a critical style.
 Little reference is made to the content or themes of the text.
Level 2 5–8  The response may be largely narrative but has some elements of
personal response.
 There is some evidence of a critical style but it is not always
applied securely.
 Some valid points are made, but without consistent or secure
focus.
Level 3 9–12  The response shows a relevant personal response, soundly
related to the text.
 There is an appropriate critical style, with comments showing a
sound interpretation.
 The response is relevant and focused points are made with
support from the text.
Level 4 13–16  The response has a developed personal response and thorough
engagement, fully related to the text.
 The critical style is sustained and there is well-developed
interpretation.
 Well-chosen references to the text support a range of effective
points.
Level 5 17–20  There is an assured personal response, showing a high level of
engagement with the text.
 A critical style is developed with maturity, perceptive
understanding and interpretation.
 Discerning references are an integral part of the response, with
points made with assurance and full support from the text.
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jamesg2
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#4
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#4
Sorry I agree I was looking at different Edexcel criteria.
I am using the Edexel Specifications for certification from 2017 onwards. P. 14 If there is a newer update I will download that and revise.

Section A Part 2
questions may focus on different aspects of the text, requiring exploration of one of more of the following areas: plot, setting(s), character(s), theme(s).

Revising my assessment.
You do identify a worthy theme.
Para’s 2 + 3 are quite strong. Para 1 is much poorer. Even though some excellent ideas are raised that paragraph is all assertion.
One weakness is that I was not persuaded that you always focused on the question. The question asked “HOW DOES DICKENS PROTRAY POVERTY IN “A CHRISTMAS CAROL?”” The imperative word is “How”. What aspects of the novel make clear that Charles Dickens primary focus is on poverty.
On this revised assessment I would pass you. I would judge that 12 out of 20 would be fair.

Suggestion. Download the Edexel specification and look at - precisely - what they are asking for in a successful literature answer and make sure you follow it..
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jamesg2
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1. It may seem unfair but teachers who frequently mark student’s work are able to detect the quality of an essay answer within the first two sentences. Of course the teacher/marker will fully mark the work. Mostly that first impression is confirmed - though sometimes the marker discovers that first impression was wrong. So my first suggestion is to get the marker onto your side from the beginning.

2. The first thing you write is the first impression the marker has of. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Your first sentence read. “The allegorical novella Dicken presents poverty as a mechanism to consider the poor’s circumstances.” Aside from the fact that you get the author’s surname wrong - and that is not a good way to begin - I have no idea what you mean by that sentence.

3. However you have breached what - in my opinion - is the first rule in essay writing. Your first paragraph/sentence must inform the reader what your answer is all about and how you are going to answer the question.

4. So what you first have to do is explain - what for you - are the three ways in which Dickens uses the novella to describe poverty. And these reasons must be in that first paragraph and in the order you will address them.

5. Looking at your essay your three issues are 1, being set in London 2. The importance of happiness and 3.the impact of theft on the poor.
So now we can rewrite your first paragraph as follows.

6. In the novella “A Christmas Carol”Charles Dickens describes the effect of poverty on the poor first through the story being set in London, second though describing the importance of happiness and finally by describing the impact of theft on the poor.

7. Now I know what your essay is about and I know the order in which you are going to answer the question.

8. In order to help the marker it is best to mimic the first paragraph when answering. E.g The first area that Charles Dickens explores is London and its setting. When you come to the second paragraph begin like this The next issue Charles Dickens explores is the importance of happiness to the poor and when beginning the third paragraphThe final issue Charles Dickens is concerned with is the effect and importance of theft on the poor.

9. Just organising your essay in this manner will improve your grades.
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Velvet cake
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#6
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#6
(Original post by jamesg2)
1. It may seem unfair but teachers who frequently mark student’s work are able to detect the quality of an essay answer within the first two sentences. Of course the teacher/marker will fully mark the work. Mostly that first impression is confirmed - though sometimes the marker discovers that first impression was wrong. So my first suggestion is to get the marker onto your side from the beginning.

2. The first thing you write is the first impression the marker has of. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Your first sentence read. “The allegorical novella Dicken presents poverty as a mechanism to consider the poor’s circumstances.” Aside from the fact that you get the author’s surname wrong - and that is not a good way to begin - I have no idea what you mean by that sentence.

3. However you have breached what - in my opinion - is the first rule in essay writing. Your first paragraph/sentence must inform the reader what your answer is all about and how you are going to answer the question.

4. So what you first have to do is explain - what for you - are the three ways in which Dickens uses the novella to describe poverty. And these reasons must be in that first paragraph and in the order you will address them.

5. Looking at your essay your three issues are 1, being set in London 2. The importance of happiness and 3.the impact of theft on the poor.
So now we can rewrite your first paragraph as follows.

6. In the novella “A Christmas Carol”Charles Dickens describes the effect of poverty on the poor first through the story being set in London, second though describing the importance of happiness and finally by describing the impact of theft on the poor.

7. Now I know what your essay is about and I know the order in which you are going to answer the question.

8. In order to help the marker it is best to mimic the first paragraph when answering. E.g The first area that Charles Dickens explores is London and its setting. When you come to the second paragraph begin like this The next issue Charles Dickens explores is the importance of happiness to the poor and when beginning the third paragraphThe final issue Charles Dickens is concerned with is the effect and importance of theft on the poor.

9. Just organising your essay in this manner will improve your grades.
So if i applied your alternative approaches to clearly state points,do you mind scoring my essay now that you have established my EBI
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jamesg2
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#7
(Original post by Velvet cake)
So if i applied your alternative approaches to clearly state points,do you mind scoring my essay now that you have established my EBI
No ptoblem I would be happy to assist.
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Velvet cake
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#8
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#8
I TWIKED THE INTRODUCTION AND THE FIRST PAPRGRAHS ENDING AS WELL AS THE BEGINNING OF PARA 2 AND 3 USING YOUR ALTERNATIVE APPROACH
I THOUGHT MY ANALYSIS WAS PRETTY STRONG BUT IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE LET ME KNOW
DO YOU MIND MARKING MY ESSAY AGAIN IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE PLEASE LET ME KNOW I WANT TO GET THE BEST POSSIBLE MARKS I CAN. THANK YOU
Charles Dickens set his book the Christmas carol in the Victorian era in which he was writing. in the era poverty was a huge social problem. However, the general theme within the novel describes the effect of poverty on the poor first through the story being set in London, second though describing the importance of happiness and finally by describing the impact of theft on the poor.

Throughout the novella Dicken shows poverty through the setting of London, as there was nothing 'cheerful in the climate or town … but yet there was an air of cheerfulness’, within Dickensian London the atmosphere presented was quite 'cheerful' this allows us to understand the perspective of a poor civilian living in awful conditions, yet blinded and in denial to such a harsh exposure of reality and to sympathies with their hope and positivity, as they enjoy the experience of being appreciated and respect to an extent from the higher classes, the connectives 'but, yet' support the idea of hope and anticipation, this allows them to feel a sentimental feeling of nostalgia, as before the industrial revolution even though there was still a distinct difference between the higher and lower classes, the segregation was smaller in comparison to during the industrial revolution Christmas was a time to share with both the rich and poor. Dicken describes the atmosphere in this way to portray equality in society instead of differences in society. The impoverish are used as a mechanism to encourage the audience to demonstrate societal actions to the poor

Another pivotal area within the novel is when Charles Dickens explores is the importance of happiness, as scrooge observes his former boss, Fezziwig, communicating with both the rich and the poor he realizes the impact of happiness,' the happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune the controversial words between 'happiness' and 'fortune' enables the readers to feel opposed by scrooge’s idea that possibly fortune brings happiness which is conflicting to the way Scrooge is presented throughout a Christmas carol. Scrooge has money but we question whether he is happy and there are many factors that indicate that Scrooge is perhaps not happy. Contrastingly the audience of the Victorian era may agree with his subsequent statement as many rich people were thriving throughout the industrial revolution and perhaps feelings themselves with false happiness perhaps through immoral ways such as depriving the less fortunate of their morals and dignity. Dicken used Fezziwig as a mechanism to evoke a bit of compassion in the character scrooge to care for the poor


The final issue Charles Dickens is concerned with is the effect and importance of theft on the poor. Dickens subtly uses Mrs Cratchit fear to highlight the treatment shown to the poor. Mrs Cratchit 'suppose someone were to go backyard and stolen it’ this allows the reader to understand the treatment shown to the poor by the higher classes the were falsely accused of being criminals and 'stole' from not only the rich but their own neighbours this would give a further approval to their audience, who already had similar ideas to scrooge to why the poor were inferior to them as the idea of them stealing from their neighbours go against the ten commandments which were apart of Christianity within the Victorian era and so his contemporary audience would feel threatened by the poor as they weren’t living life correctly.
Last edited by Velvet cake; 1 year ago
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