Boyfriend called me slutty?

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Anonymous #1
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My boyfriend recently found out that I had a short term fling with a guy who worked at a nearby store. The fling was mostly sexual in nature and I did it as I was lonely and miserable. In those times, I found this guy and we started meeting up which ultimately led to intense sexual sessions as he was really into me.
We didn't get along though as we were poles apart and ended up breaking up. But we still had each other as friends with benefits so we still had sex with each other.

When I met my boyfriend again (we had a crush on each other, would almost date in 2017-2018 but he ****ed up and we couldn't) , I quit the friends with benefits relationship completely. Fast forward 8 months on, he boyfriend read some of my personal notes which I kept in my diary. It was about the guy from the store and the way things escalated between us.

After this, he suddenly became extremely angry. He accused me of being slutty, cheap, loose character who can **** anyone and said he couldn't believe how I could sink so low.
He refused to even talk to me properly. We didn't talk for a week and I kept crying/trying to cheer him up.
He finally stopped the arguments and cooled down but still says he can't believe I did this.

It really hurts me as he himself was in a relationship for 2 years yet he cannot even accept that I dated someone.

Why is he being so unreasonable?
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YaliaV123
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Why was he reading your diary in the first place? That alone is a reason to dump him and the insults just confirm what type of person he is. He seems horrible and abusive.
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Anonymous #2
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He probably feels insecure that he doesn't make you feel the way the other guy did, he feels he's not good enough
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend recently found out that I had a short term fling with a guy who worked at a nearby store. The fling was mostly sexual in nature and I did it as I was lonely and miserable. In those times, I found this guy and we started meeting up which ultimately led to intense sexual sessions as he was really into me.
We didn't get along though as we were poles apart and ended up breaking up. But we still had each other as friends with benefits so we still had sex with each other.

When I met my boyfriend again (we had a crush on each other, would almost date in 2017-2018 but he ****ed up and we couldn't) , I quit the friends with benefits relationship completely. Fast forward 8 months on, he boyfriend read some of my personal notes which I kept in my diary. It was about the guy from the store and the way things escalated between us.

After this, he suddenly became extremely angry. He accused me of being slutty, cheap, loose character who can **** anyone and said he couldn't believe how I could sink so low.
He refused to even talk to me properly. We didn't talk for a week and I kept crying/trying to cheer him up.
He finally stopped the arguments and cooled down but still says he can't believe I did this.

It really hurts me as he himself was in a relationship for 2 years yet he cannot even accept that I dated someone.

Why is he being so unreasonable?
If your fling happened before your relationship with him, nvm about what I said below.

Honestly, he is not unreasonable, he does have the right to be annoyed with you because you cheated whilst in a relationship with him. If you wanted to sleep with someone else you should of have broken up with him. You have to consider how he feels that his gf slept with someone else - he probably feels like he did something wrong whilst being with you.
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londonmyst
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You bf sounds vicious, foul tempered, very nosy and prone to jealousy.
Are you sure that you are compatible and that you want to continue dating him?
I wouldn't.
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Anonymous #4
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Because he can't fathom that you're a human, with a life and desires before him and separate from him. You are an object to him, you're his possession.

He's basically objectifying you. It's misogyny, he believes sex is something that happens TO a woman rather than something she participates in. So he feels you allowed yourself to be 'used', which isn't possible as a human can't really be used up. To him, he's mad his possession (you) wasn't always his, that he got something 2nd hand.

Anyway, misogyny is all around us in the world and its not ENTIRELY his fault he's like this, but he has to unlearn this really quickly. Personally I'd break up
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by londonmyst)
You bf sounds vicious, foul tempered, very nosy and prone to jealousy.
Are you sure that you are compatible and that you want to continue dating him?
I wouldn't.
(PRSOM)
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Anonymous #5
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I have dated some guys that were just like that... Break up with him, it’s only gonna get worse.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If your fling happened before your relationship with him, nvm about what I said below.

Honestly, he is not unreasonable, he does have the right to be annoyed with you because you cheated whilst in a relationship with him. If you wanted to sleep with someone else you should of have broken up with him. You have to consider how he feels that his gf slept with someone else - he probably feels like he did something wrong whilst being with you.
It was before our relationship
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DiamondDia
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What you did prior to your relationship with him is none of his business and he has no right getting mad at you since you didn’t even cheat on him, he had no right to read or have possession over your private things (your diary). And what he said was bang out of order just because you did things before your relationship with him. Has he not had sex before your relationship with you??
Last edited by DiamondDia; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It was before our relationship
Oh okay, idk then. Sorry about that.

That's why you should be a single pringle, bc life is much better! Although pringles do come in packs, so idk why that's a saying lmaoo
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiamondDia)
What you did prior to your relationship with him is none of his business and he has no right getting mad at you since you didn’t even cheat on him, he had no right to read or have possession over your private things (your diary). And what he said was bang out of order just because you did things before your relationship with him. Has he not had sex before your relationship with you??
Yes he was in a relationship himself
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canyoustopthat
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Your boyfriend is a misogynist hun, there’s no nice way of going about it. Non-misogynistic men don’t have temper tantrums and sulks when they find out their girlfriend has dated someone in the past, nor do they invade your privacy, nor do they punish you with silent treatment and abusive language for having slept with people before them.

He is being unreasonable because he IS unreasonable. He believes women having sex cheapens them somehow and that it taints you. Do you really want to be with a man who punishes you and calls you a cheap slut for having had a relationship before him?

He’ll be hard pressed to find someone who has never dated someone else before him (especially as he gets older). Is he going to tantrum every time he discovers a girl he likes has had and even - gasp! - enjoyed sex before him?


Don’t put up with people who clearly can’t respect you You’re better than that.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend recently found out that I had a short term fling with a guy who worked at a nearby store. The fling was mostly sexual in nature and I did it as I was lonely and miserable. In those times, I found this guy and we started meeting up which ultimately led to intense sexual sessions as he was really into me.
We didn't get along though as we were poles apart and ended up breaking up. But we still had each other as friends with benefits so we still had sex with each other.

When I met my boyfriend again (we had a crush on each other, would almost date in 2017-2018 but he ****ed up and we couldn't) , I quit the friends with benefits relationship completely. Fast forward 8 months on, he boyfriend read some of my personal notes which I kept in my diary. It was about the guy from the store and the way things escalated between us.

After this, he suddenly became extremely angry. He accused me of being slutty, cheap, loose character who can **** anyone and said he couldn't believe how I could sink so low.
He refused to even talk to me properly. We didn't talk for a week and I kept crying/trying to cheer him up.
He finally stopped the arguments and cooled down but still says he can't believe I did this.

It really hurts me as he himself was in a relationship for 2 years yet he cannot even accept that I dated someone.

Why is he being so unreasonable?
It shows that he cares about you. Yes, his reaction was a bit OTT but many guys would not care if they were not in love with you because they would consider you to be temporary.

I would suggest you speaking with him and hoping that he can move on from that. Some guys are unable to move on from such news.

You should also come out and tell him all the guys yoo have been with. this would put everything out there now so he can move on. Good luck.
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canyoustopthat
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
It shows that he cares about you. Yes, his reaction was a bit OTT but many guys would not care if they were not in love with you because they would consider you to be temporary.

I would suggest you speaking with him and hoping that he can move on from that. Some guys are unable to move on from such news.

You should also come out and tell him all the guys yoo have been with. this would put everything out there now so he can move on. Good luck.
Abusive, degrading language and silent treatment designed to make OP feel guilty for having had relationships before him is NOT a sign of caring - how awful to tell someone their boyfriend having meltdowns AFTER reading their private diary and blowing up because they’d slept with someone before is “caring”.

This is not a normal or caring reaction. Normal men would understand it’s unreasonable to expect a woman to have never been in a relationship beforehand.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Abusive, degrading language and silent treatment designed to make OP feel guilty for having had relationships before him is NOT a sign of caring - how awful to tell someone their boyfriend having meltdowns AFTER reading their private diary and blowing up because they’d slept with someone before is “caring”.

This is not a normal or caring reaction. Normal men would understand it’s unreasonable to expect a woman to have never been in a relationship beforehand.
^^^^ Absolutely, this. I was most of the way through writing something very similar but then I accidentally reloaded the page and it got wiped >.>
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 week ago
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Gaddafi
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Abusive, degrading language and silent treatment designed to make OP feel guilty for having had relationships before him is NOT a sign of caring - how awful to tell someone their boyfriend having meltdowns AFTER reading their private diary and blowing up because they’d slept with someone before is “caring”.

This is not a normal or caring reaction. Normal men would understand it’s unreasonable to expect a woman to have never been in a relationship beforehand.
Tbh I would breakup over the diary reading alone.

But Wired_1800 does have a point. Men would not care if they weren't planning on staying with a girl.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
It shows that he cares about you. Yes, his reaction was a bit OTT but many guys would not care if they were not in love with you because they would consider you to be temporary.

I would suggest you speaking with him and hoping that he can move on from that. Some guys are unable to move on from such news.

You should also come out and tell him all the guys yoo have been with. this would put everything out there now so he can move on. Good luck.
I think it shows his insecurities more than his caring tbh. I've been that person that got annoyed over exes (never angry but I got upset) and it's because I felt insecure and like I wasn't as good as the person before me and was scared my partner preferred them to me. Also some people can be possessive for the sake of it- you know those guys that don't want to commit but don't want to see a girl dating someone else? This sounds like more of an ego thing to me
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Abusive, degrading language and silent treatment designed to make OP feel guilty for having had relationships before him is NOT a sign of caring - how awful to tell someone their boyfriend having meltdowns AFTER reading their private diary and blowing up because they’d slept with someone before is “caring”.

This is not a normal or caring reaction. Normal men would understand it’s unreasonable to expect a woman to have never been in a relationship beforehand.
This is a ridiculous post. There are different ways for people to have emotional outbursts. It does not mean they don't care about their partner. There is no sane man imho who would have gotten that information and fist bumped his girl. I also said that the OP’s bf’s reaction was OTT.
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canyoustopthat
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(Original post by Gaddafi)
Tbh I would breakup over the diary reading alone.

But Wired_1800 does have a point. Men would not care if they weren't planning on staying with a girl.
Sorry?

My boyfriend has expressed curiosity about my past relationships, as have I with his, but neither of us have thrown tantrums, given the silent treatment, read through one another’s personal journals, called the other a cheap slut, for engaging in relationships or sex prior to one another.

Do you know why?Because we’re both adults, and he doesn’t believe that me having had sex before him cheapens me.

There’s a difference between a bit of curiously and healthy jealousy, but what OP describes is neither of those things.

I am genuinely worried for those of you who think his actions were normal, understandable and justifiable. Throwing tantrums and calling your girlfriend a slut for having been with someone before you is not a sign that you care nor is it a sign that your man doesn’t care about you.

You should really be doing some introspection if you believe this is a sign of caring.
Last edited by canyoustopthat; 1 week ago
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