Boyfriend called me slutty?

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ImagineNotDating
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#21
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#21
He was very very mad but there was nothing to be mad about. HE read your diary, HE got mad at you for something personal that has nothing to do with him, HE didn't even talk to you quietly after you started crying, you should be the one mad. He is an idiot. Those were some very bad things he said about you and you should not give him a chance to say them again. You should break up with him or he will break up with you.
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Wired_1800
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#22
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think it shows his insecurities more than his caring tbh. I've been that person that got annoyed over exes (never angry but I got upset) and it's because I felt insecure and like I wasn't as good as the person before me and was scared my partner preferred them to me. Also some people can be possessive for the sake of it- you know those guys that don't want to commit but don't want to see a girl dating someone else? This sounds like more of an ego thing to me
Are you male or female?

We live in a society now where females seem to think that they know how males think. Many males tend to have two sides, care or don't care. When they do care, they can go big on the caring angle. When they don't, they couldn’t care less what happens to the woman and just there for the gratification.

Like I said, his reaction was OTT. If his reaction was “normal”, then i would think that he did not really care about her.
Last edited by Wired_1800; 1 week ago
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend recently found out that I had a short term fling with a guy who worked at a nearby store. The fling was mostly sexual in nature and I did it as I was lonely and miserable. In those times, I found this guy and we started meeting up which ultimately led to intense sexual sessions as he was really into me.
We didn't get along though as we were poles apart and ended up breaking up. But we still had each other as friends with benefits so we still had sex with each other.

When I met my boyfriend again (we had a crush on each other, would almost date in 2017-2018 but he ****ed up and we couldn't) , I quit the friends with benefits relationship completely. Fast forward 8 months on, he boyfriend read some of my personal notes which I kept in my diary. It was about the guy from the store and the way things escalated between us.

After this, he suddenly became extremely angry. He accused me of being slutty, cheap, loose character who can **** anyone and said he couldn't believe how I could sink so low.
He refused to even talk to me properly. We didn't talk for a week and I kept crying/trying to cheer him up.
He finally stopped the arguments and cooled down but still says he can't believe I did this.

It really hurts me as he himself was in a relationship for 2 years yet he cannot even accept that I dated someone.

Why is he being so unreasonable?
Im not gonna say anything besides

he is not mad cuz u had a relationship but cuz u slept with some random guy from the store with no emotions involved

(I am not saying he is right to get this angry)
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Sorry?

My boyfriend has expressed curiosity about my past relationships, as have I with his, but neither of us have thrown tantrums, given the silent treatment, read through one another’s personal journals, called the other a cheap slut, for engaging in relationships or sex prior to one another.

Do you know why?Because we’re both adults, and he doesn’t believe that me having had sex before him cheapens me.

There’s a difference between a bit of curiously and healthy jealousy, but what OP describes is neither of those things.

I am genuinely worried for those of you who think his actions were normal, understandable and justifiable. Throwing tantrums and calling your girlfriend a slut for having been with someone before you is not a sign that you care nor is it a sign that your man doesn’t care about you.

You should really be doing some introspection if you believe this is a sign of caring.
If you want to test your bf, then give him graphic details of your past relationships and watch him evolve.

If you dont believe me, try it today. Sit him down and give him the details then watch his reaction. No sane man would know that and be calm.

Remember that the bf read the diary and the OP said that their relationship was sexual so there probably were details:
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canyoustopthat
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
This is a ridiculous post. There are different ways for people to have emotional outbursts. It does not mean they don't care about their partner. There is no sane man imho who would have gotten that information and fist bumped his girl. I also said that the OP’s bf’s reaction was OTT.
No one is asking you to “Fist bump” your girlfriend. You’re being asked to accept the information like an adult. If you’re not ready to accept that the girls you date have dated and enjoyed a sexual relationship before you then you’re not mature enough to be dating girls.

This being an emotional outburst doesn’t mean it’s inherently acceptable or free of malice. Emotional outbursts don’t make you go through someone’s personal journal or suddenly make you randomly think of your girlfriend as a slut after finding out she had sex with someone before you were in a relationship together. Again, if you’re thinking of the girls you’re supposed to like and date as sluts and cheap for discovering they’ve enjoyed sex, you’re a misogynist and not ready to be dating.


i wonder if you had a daughter and she came home in tears after her boyfriend screamed at her that she was a cheap slut if you’d tell her it’s just because he cares about her?hmm what about the next time he finds something to go in a jealous rage over?is that just caring too?
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Your boyfriend is a misogynist hun, there’s no nice way of going about it. Non-misogynistic men don’t have temper tantrums and sulks when they find out their girlfriend has dated someone in the past, nor do they invade your privacy, nor do they punish you with silent treatment and abusive language for having slept with people before them.

He is being unreasonable because he IS unreasonable. He believes women having sex cheapens them somehow and that it taints you. Do you really want to be with a man who punishes you and calls you a cheap slut for having had a relationship before him?

He’ll be hard pressed to find someone who has never dated someone else before him (especially as he gets older). Is he going to tantrum every time he discovers a girl he likes has had and even - gasp! - enjoyed sex before him?


Don’t put up with people who clearly can’t respect you You’re better than that.
But they did not date though.

It is beautiful to see how some females package information to make it seem more palatable. Read the original post again.
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Anonymous #7
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it’s pure jealousy, and as a man I can say that I’ve been there (not with the degrading remarks tho), but it’s extremely toxic.

at the end of the day, what happen before a relationship should not matter, especially in relation to sex. Having a fwb does not make you any less of a girl than not having one does.

you should probably talk to your boyfriend, because rn he doesn’t seem very mature and if he can look past that it should be fine.

tbh he shouldn’t be reading your diary in the first place, but I would say he does care about you coming from experience
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
No one is asking you to “Fist bump” your girlfriend. You’re being asked to accept the information like an adult. If you’re not ready to accept that the girls you date have dated and enjoyed a sexual relationship before you then you’re not mature enough to be dating girls.

This being an emotional outburst doesn’t mean it’s inherently acceptable or free of malice. Emotional outbursts don’t make you go through someone’s personal journal or suddenly make you randomly think of your girlfriend as a slut after finding out she had sex with someone before you were in a relationship together. Again, if you’re thinking of the girls you’re supposed to like and date as sluts and cheap for discovering they’ve enjoyed sex, you’re a misogynist and not ready to be dating.


i wonder if you had a daughter and she came home in tears after her boyfriend screamed at her that she was a cheap slut if you’d tell her it’s just because he cares about her?hmm what about the next time he finds something to go in a jealous rage over?is that just caring too?
God why can't I upvote all your posts. I can't say what I want to say better than how you're saying it. Infuriating.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 week ago
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
No one is asking you to “Fist bump” your girlfriend. You’re being asked to accept the information like an adult. If you’re not ready to accept that the girls you date have dated and enjoyed a sexual relationship before you then you’re not mature enough to be dating girls.

This being an emotional outburst doesn’t mean it’s inherently acceptable or free of malice. Emotional outbursts don’t make you go through someone’s personal journal or suddenly make you randomly think of your girlfriend as a slut after finding out she had sex with someone before you were in a relationship together. Again, if you’re thinking of the girls you’re supposed to like and date as sluts and cheap for discovering they’ve enjoyed sex, you’re a misogynist and not ready to be dating.


i wonder if you had a daughter and she came home in tears after her boyfriend screamed at her that she was a cheap slut if you’d tell her it’s just because he cares about her?hmm what about the next time he finds something to go in a jealous rage over?is that just caring too?
You are escalating the story. Read the original story and engage with it. I am trying to explain the reaction from a male’s perspective. This is where we go wrong as society.

Yes, his reaction was OTT but the reaction would be similar to many guys that I know and I am also male.

Like I said, if you want to test my theory. Sit your bf down and give him some graphic details of your past relationships. Don't just say “oh, i have dated X amount of people in the past”. The OP’s bf read her diary (which was stupid) and probably read the details.
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canyoustopthat
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I’m using dating as catch-all term to make it simpler, as it doesn’t really change much about the scenario at hand. Unless of course you’re a misogynist who thinks women engaging in sex makes them a cheap slut and that this is worthy of making people rage, which it seems you are.

Dating or not dating, why does that matter?

What exactly is unpalatable about two grown adults having a mutually beneficial sexual relationship?What about that situation is so sinister?I find it funny that you think me using the word “dating” as some big gotcha when in reality it just exposes more of your terrible attitude.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
it’s pure jealousy, and as a man I can say that I’ve been there (not with the degrading remarks tho), but it’s extremely toxic.

at the end of the day, what happen before a relationship should not matter, especially in relation to sex. Having a fwb does not make you any less of a girl than not having one does.

you should probably talk to your boyfriend, because rn he doesn’t seem very mature and if he can look past that it should be fine.

tbh he shouldn’t be reading your diary in the first place, but I would say he does care about you coming from experience
Some females on this thread seem to think they know how males think.
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Anonymous #8
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
But they did not date though.

It is beautiful to see how some females package information to make it seem more palatable. Read the original post again.
It doesn’t matter if they dated or not, it happened prior to their relationship so it’s honestly not the boyfriends business or problem. A good boyfriend shouldn’t care what her girlfriend did in the past with other guys unless it could affect him (STI’s etc.) and if he does, he’d sound like an objectifying, possessive misogynist.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It doesn’t matter if they dated or not, it happened prior to their relationship so it’s honestly not the boyfriends business or problem. A good boyfriend shouldn’t care what her girlfriend did in the past with other guys unless it could affect him (STI’s etc.) and if he does, he’d sound like an objectifying, possessive misogynist.
Again, you dont know how males think.
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Anonymous #7
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
Some females on this thread seem to think they know how males think.
I’m a man if you’re talking about me uno
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Anonymous #8
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
God why can't I upvote all your posts. I can't say what I want to say better than how you're saying it. Infuriating.
This has got to be the most cutest-passive-aggressive-but-not-aggressive compliment I’ve ever seen.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m a man if you’re talking about me uno
Not to you.
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Anonymous #7
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
Not to you.
Ah okay but yh I don’t think he’s a bad person, he’s at fault for checking the diary, but if there was explicit sexual notes in their it 100% took a blow to his self esteem, which caused him to act rashly.

He should deffo apologise tho
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Anonymous #8
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
Again, you dont know how males think.
I never stated how men think? Must got me confused with someone else. But it’s none of the boyfriends business.
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canyoustopthat
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
You are escalating the story. Read the original story and engage with it. I am trying to explain the reaction from a male’s perspective. This is where we go wrong as society.

Yes, his reaction was OTT but the reaction would be similar to many guys that I know and I am also male.

Like I said, if you want to test my theory. Sit your bf down and give him some graphic details of your past relationships. Don't just say “oh, i have dated X amount of people in the past”. The OP’s bf read her diary (which was stupid) and probably read the details.
No one is escalating anything.

YOU are an abuse apologist and trying to justify his behaviour and passing off thinking of his girlfriend as a slut as caring.

Again, if you think of your girlfriends as sluts for engaging in sex, you have no respect for women and you’re too immature to be dating.

First of all, he READ her diary - he brought it upon himself to go through her personal things (red flag one) and then took his rage and aggression out on her, and is trying to blame her for his rage because she engaged in sex before him.

Guess what?Probably almost every girl you’ve ever dated has had sex or relationships before. And they probably enjoyed it!they probably had casual sex at one point too!Deal with it like a grown adult instead of descending into a rage.

A little bit of jealousy is normal - hurling insults, screaming, a week of silent treatment isn’t normal!

I’m sure my boyfriend wouldn’t want to know my extreme intimate details as I don’t want to know his either, and I wouldn’t unless he asked (some couples don’t mind talking about past sexual relationships) but I’m also confident that if he found out he wouldn’t have a breakdown and treat me like ****. Because he’s not a misogynist.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
Again, you dont know how males think.
It seems like you don't know how males think - or rather that you're generalising your own abhorrent viewpoints into the minds of males at large. If I happened to find out my girlfriend had had a friend with benefits before me, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I suspect that is the norm. Also normal: Not shouting and being insulting and abusive towards the person you care about, if something does bother you.
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