Boyfriend called me slutty?

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Anonymous #8
#61
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#61
(Original post by Wired_1800)
My guess would be that he probably had a different perception of his partner before reading the diary. He shouldn’t have done that, but it was done.
What kind of perception? That she’s a pure virgin that has never been tainted by another man? Any guy that has a different perception of a woman after finding out she’s had sex is a misogynist.
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Wired_1800
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#62
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That “some” is invalid. Your statement can’t be quantified as you haven’t met all 3 billion+ men and boys on this planet to prove this. Stop generalising men to justify your abnormal thinking.
I think this type of reasoning would radically change the way we speak.
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Wired_1800
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#63
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What kind of perception? That she’s a pure virgin that has never been tainted by another man? Any guy that has a different perception of a woman after finding out she’s had sex is a misogynist.
That is an extreme view to have and you need to have a word with yourself.

There are some people who have a view of their partners and get surprised when they increasingly know them. This is both men and women. Has nothing to do with misogyny.
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tptp123
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#64
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He sounds immature and is showing too many red flags already. If i was u i’d end things now before they get worse
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Wired_1800
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#65
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
I am not arguing against the idea that knowing intimate details may inspire jealousy - that’s normal. It’s normal to compare yourself to others - women do it it to.

What is not normal is - as repeated multiple times now - calling a girl you claim you care about and respect a slut, calling her cheap, screaming at her, giving her silent treatment, and making her feel guilty. There’s several ways to express jealousy that aren’t screaming your head off and being aggressive. You are responsible for controlling your behaviour. His jealousy is not the problem - his explosive reaction is and and it speaks volumes about how he thinks of women and sex in general and it reveals nothing positive about him.

When my partner gets jealous for whatever reason we make jokes about it and reassure one another. We do not scream at one another and he doesn’t tell me I’m a slut.
As I wrote some posts ago, sit your partner down and tell him graphic details of your past relationships.

You don't really know who a person is until they have their back against the wall. I guess it is time to properly know your partner
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canyoustopthat
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#66
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What kind of perception? That she’s a pure virgin that has never been tainted by another man? Any guy that has a different perception of a woman after finding out she’s had sex is a misogynist.
Ding ding ding!

They really are just infuriated by the idea of women enjoying sex and enthusiastically participating in it!

Imagine being enraged by the fact your partner had a healthy sex life before you!I would be so upset if I dated someone who told me that up until me they’d hated sex and never enjoyed it and found it miserable. Like, spare me the details unless I ask for them but I hope everyone who has a sex life is out there giving enthusiastic consent and enjoying themselves, and I hope to god the ladies aren’t out there having sex with men who view them as cheap sluts for enjoying it.

lol, I rarely come on TSR unless I need to ask something, but saw this question on the home page. I’m glad I commented on it and I hope OP leaves her boyfriend and pays no mind to the people telling her this is normal and means he cares.
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Wired_1800
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#67
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(Original post by tptp123)
He sounds immature and is showing too many red flags already. If i was u i’d end things now before they get worse
Most likely, her bf might end things imho.
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Wired_1800
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#68
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#68
(Original post by canyoustopthat)
No one is escalating anything.

YOU are an abuse apologist and trying to justify his behaviour and passing off thinking of his girlfriend as a slut as caring.

Again, if you think of your girlfriends as sluts for engaging in sex, you have no respect for women and you’re too immature to be dating.

First of all, he READ her diary - he brought it upon himself to go through her personal things (red flag one) and then took his rage and aggression out on her, and is trying to blame her for his rage because she engaged in sex before him.

Guess what?Probably almost every girl you’ve ever dated has had sex or relationships before. And they probably enjoyed it!they probably had casual sex at one point too!Deal with it like a grown adult instead of descending into a rage.

A little bit of jealousy is normal - hurling insults, screaming, a week of silent treatment isn’t normal!

I’m sure my boyfriend wouldn’t want to know my extreme intimate details as I don’t want to know his either, and I wouldn’t unless he asked (some couples don’t mind talking about past sexual relationships) but I’m also confident that if he found out he wouldn’t have a breakdown and treat me like ****. Because he’s not a misogynist.
Why don't you test your hypothesis?
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Anonymous #8
#69
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#69
(Original post by canyoustopthat)
Ding ding ding!

They really are just infuriated by the idea of women enjoying sex and enthusiastically participating in it!

Imagine being enraged by the fact your partner had a healthy sex life before you!I would be so upset if I dated someone who told me that up until me they’d hated sex and never enjoyed it and found it miserable. Like, spare me the details unless I ask for them but I hope everyone who has a sex life is out there giving enthusiastic consent and enjoying themselves, and I hope to god the ladies aren’t out there having sex with men who view them as cheap sluts for enjoying it.

lol, I rarely come on TSR unless I need to ask something, but saw this question on the home page. I’m glad I commented on it and I hope OP leaves her boyfriend and pays no mind to the people telling her this is normal and means he cares.
She better! And PRSOM.
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Anonymous #8
#70
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#70
(Original post by Wired_1800)
Most likely, her bf might end things imho.
Then OP shouldn’t care, it’s his loss, all because his poor little ego was crushed from finding out that another guy f*cked his girlfriend good in the past. Toxic masculinity at its finest.
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canyoustopthat
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#71
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#71
(Original post by Wired_1800)
As I wrote some posts ago, sit your partner down and tell him graphic details of your past relationships.

You don't really know who a person is until they have their back against the wall. I guess it is time to properly know your partner
First of all, me and my partner have spoken about our past sex life to an extent. We did this while getting to know one another so we could get to know one another in bed and we laughed about and even got a little jealous!and a little bit of jealousy is fine. but that’s not anyone else on this sites business, so I won’t delve into that further.

Secondly, you’re implying all men on some level think of their girlfriends as cheap sluts and are only a few sexual details away from having a mental breakdown and “caring” too much about their gf and descending into misogynistic rants. Now I know my partner inside and out, he won’t even jokingly call me a ***** because he thinks it’s disrespectful, but yeah sure of course he’s just a few explicit details away from having his supposedly innate misogyny activated and calling me a slut and not talking to me. Misogyny isn’t innate. Men aren’t born thinking women are sluts and that they certainly aren’t born believing that screaming at their girlfriends is caring - no, that’s people like you who drill that into other men’s heads. Take some responsibility and Learn to process your jealously and insecurity in a way that doesn’t result in going apeshit at your girlfriend.

Again, if you’re admittedly only a few steps away from calling your own girlfriend a slut at any moment, then you’re not mature enough to be engaging with women at all, and you don’t respect them.
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Anonymous #9
#72
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#72
(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend recently found out that I had a short term fling with a guy who worked at a nearby store. The fling was mostly sexual in nature and I did it as I was lonely and miserable. In those times, I found this guy and we started meeting up which ultimately led to intense sexual sessions as he was really into me.
We didn't get along though as we were poles apart and ended up breaking up. But we still had each other as friends with benefits so we still had sex with each other.

When I met my boyfriend again (we had a crush on each other, would almost date in 2017-2018 but he ****ed up and we couldn't) , I quit the friends with benefits relationship completely. Fast forward 8 months on, he boyfriend read some of my personal notes which I kept in my diary. It was about the guy from the store and the way things escalated between us.

After this, he suddenly became extremely angry. He accused me of being slutty, cheap, loose character who can **** anyone and said he couldn't believe how I could sink so low.
He refused to even talk to me properly. We didn't talk for a week and I kept crying/trying to cheer him up.
He finally stopped the arguments and cooled down but still says he can't believe I did this.

It really hurts me as he himself was in a relationship for 2 years yet he cannot even accept that I dated someone.

Why is he being so unreasonable?
He has his own views that sex should be saved for proper relationships and not thrown about 🤷*♂️can't blame him, he has morals
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Anonymous #10
#73
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#73
break up with him, you deserve better. what you did before the relationship shouldn’t get him mad like that
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Anonymous #8
#74
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#74
(Original post by Anonymous)
He has his own views that sex should be saved for proper relationships and not thrown about 🤷*♂️can't blame him, he has morals
It isn’t his business, and that doesn’t justify what he did or said.
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Anonymous #8
#75
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#75
(Original post by canyoustopthat)
First of all, me and my partner have spoken about our past sex life to an extent. We did this while getting to know one another so we could get to know one another in bed and we laughed about and even got a little jealous!and a little bit of jealousy is fine. but that’s not anyone else on this sites business, so I won’t delve into that further.

Secondly, you’re implying all men on some level think of their girlfriends as cheap sluts and are only a few sexual details away from having a mental breakdown and “caring” too much about their gf and descending into misogynistic rants. Now I know my partner inside and out, he won’t even jokingly call me a ***** because he thinks it’s disrespectful, but yeah sure of course he’s just a few explicit details away from having his supposedly innate misogyny activated and calling me a slut and not talking to me. Misogyny isn’t innate. Men aren’t born thinking women are sluts and that they certainly aren’t born believing that screaming at their girlfriends is caring - no, that’s people like you who drill that into other men’s heads. Take some responsibility and Learn to process your jealously and insecurity in a way that doesn’t result in going apeshit at your girlfriend.

Again, if you’re admittedly only a few steps away from calling your own girlfriend a slut at any moment, then you’re not mature enough to be engaging with women at all, and you don’t respect them.
PRSOM x a billion
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Wired_1800
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#76
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(Original post by canyoustopthat)
First of all, me and my partner have spoken about our past sex life to an extent. We did this while getting to know one another so we could get to know one another in bed and we laughed about and even got a little jealous!and a little bit of jealousy is fine. but that’s not anyone else on this sites business, so I won’t delve into that further.

Secondly, you’re implying all men on some level think of their girlfriends as cheap sluts and are only a few sexual details away from having a mental breakdown and “caring” too much about their gf and descending into misogynistic rants. Now I know my partner inside and out, he won’t even jokingly call me a ***** because he thinks it’s disrespectful, but yeah sure of course he’s just a few explicit details away from having his supposedly innate misogyny activated and calling me a slut and not talking to me. Misogyny isn’t innate. Men aren’t born thinking women are sluts and that they certainly aren’t born believing that screaming at their girlfriends is caring - no, that’s people like you who drill that into other men’s heads. Take some responsibility and Learn to process your jealously and insecurity in a way that doesn’t result in going apeshit at your girlfriend.

Again, if you’re admittedly only a few steps away from calling your own girlfriend a slut at any moment, then you’re not mature enough to be engaging with women at all, and you don’t respect them.
No. Like I said, many discourse about past relationships are based on general terms such as “how many people have you been with” or some specific questions about the person and not graphic details about sexual encounters. I don't think you and your partner had proper discussions about graphic sexual details that would probably be similar to what the OP’s bf read in her diary.

Like I wrote on the first page, after her bf read her diary, he would have likely have had two types of reaction. Either he did not care or he did care. If he did not care then this thread would probably not exist. If he did care then his reaction can be in any form. As I said to another member, his reaction was OTT, but for him to have stayed to expend his energy on her afterwards, then there would be imho an inkling that he cared because he would have been long gone.

I don't know you or your partner. So I am suggesting that you test your hypothesis and provide graphic details to him. That should be your test since you claim to know him inside and out.
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Wired_1800
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#77
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Then OP shouldn’t care, it’s his loss, all because his poor little ego was crushed from finding out that another guy f*cked his girlfriend good in the past. Toxic masculinity at its finest.
Ok
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Anonymous #9
#78
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It isn’t his business, and that doesn’t justify what he did or said.
He's allowed to voice his opinion, if he wants to date people who beleive sex is only for people who are serious, that's his own opinion. He was horrible about it but he Is allowed to morally disagree. Again I agree he was horrible about what he said just saying he's allowed to disagree
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Wired_1800
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#79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It isn’t his business, and that doesn’t justify what he did or said.
You should create a thread to ask how guys would react to such a situation.
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canyoustopthat
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#80
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
No. Like I said, many discourse about past relationships are based on general terms such as “how many people have you been with” or some specific questions about the person and not graphic details about sexual encounters. I don't think you and your partner had proper discussions about graphic sexual details that would probably be similar to what the OP’s bf read in her diary.

Like I wrote on the first page, after her bf read her diary, he would have likely have had two types of reaction. Either he did not care or he did care. If he did not care then this thread would probably not exist. If he did care then his reaction can be in any form. As I said to another member, his reaction was OTT, but for him to have stayed to expend his energy on her afterwards, then there would be imho an inkling that he cared because he would have been long gone.

I don't know you or your partner. So I am suggesting that you test your hypothesis and provide graphic details to him. That should be your test since you claim to know him inside and out.
Our conversations have gone way beyond “how many people have you slept with” actually, but again I’m not about to disclose that kind of conversation or info online.

Plenty of misogynists and abusers stick around - that doesn’t mean they care or that they’re good people with good intentions, or that what he did made sense.

Why are you so convinced that my boyfriend secretly thinks of me as a slut?Why are you so convinced every man thinks of their girlfriend as a slut on some level?Why do you (presumably) date women if you’re prepared to think so low of them at the nearest opportunity?Why do you want my own partner to hate me so badly?Why do you have such little faith in other men?No one is asking men to jump for joy over hearing intimate details, just don’t behave like a man child. Me & my partner have discussed attitudes like yours towards women many a time and how ridiculous they are, and how you never apply the same standards to yourself. Behaving like a petulant child over discovering your partners sex life isn’t normal or rational and you can’t blame outrageous actions on simply being a man.

oh, and if you believe men are innately wired to think women are sluts and are a moment away from descending into misogyny and rage fits, you lose all right to ever complain about women painting you all with the same brush or saying “all men are xyz”. You’re the one pushing the idea that you’re all inherently misogynistic.
Last edited by canyoustopthat; 1 week ago
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