Guy Who Likes Me Abused His Ex Girlfriend...

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Anonymous #1
#21
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#21
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
With a some knowledge and experience you can spot most of the really horribly bullying types relatively quickly.
Their abusive nature runs through their core like the writing in a stick of rock.
Listen and observe how they talk and interact with you and others, especially their parents, brothers, sisters and their children if they have any.
Look at how they respond to stress and pressure. How they act when things aren't going their way.

However, it's impossible to spot all the nasty people in advance.
Thank you. You are so right. Actually yes he does come off as slightly narcissistic/vain and self obsessed sometimes. I put it down to him being a rich kid and also obviously insecure about some things like being skinny when lots of his mates are hench. But as I posted above he does stuff like rate women out of 10 on Zoom chats with our other mates, and also is very judgemental of everyone even himself. Sometimes he comes off as hating himself.

I would never have thought he was abusive though. You are right though, there are signs. He is also soooo rude to his mum who does everything for her. Like he swears in convos with her. Its embarrassing. I would of got thrown out if I spoke to my mum like that!
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Anonymous #1
#22
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#22
(Original post by the_pharaoh)
I'm not defending what he did at all but
Either ur mutual friend could be lying
Or
Maybe the guy changed

Idk tho these are possibilities
No it's multiple mutual friends and they are very trustworthy. I get you but they have my best interests at heart.

Also theres no evidence to show hes changed tbh
(Original post by Moonlight rain)
Abusive people can look so kind in front of others but abusing their victim which makes hard for others to people believe the victim
Yep he's already sulked over my not texting him for Valentines, also he has a bit of a superiority complex despite obviously being insecure, I always assumed this was due to him being rich? But maybe not? The way he talks to his mum is disgusting like he swears at her and stuff.
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the_pharaoh
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#23
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#23
(Original post by Anonymous)
No it's multiple mutual friends and they are very trustworthy. I get you but they have my best interests at heart.

Also theres no evidence to show hes changed tbh
well if these friends are really close to you and you trust them so be it

I mean you did say he treats you very well if he was really that bad it'd be hard not to show it
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Anonymous #1
#24
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#24
(Original post by candydiva)
I am sorry for ur xperience and I get wat u r saying.

From my pov I just can't believe that there are no signs. In cases with abusive males who my friends have met there have always been signs well before they let their full nature out.

Typical signs include using threatening language/terminology about other women (including on TV and online). Hot temper and inability to respect other ppls' choices. Disrespect to who they see as "lower status" ppl like wait staff. Enjoyment in other ppl's misfortune or turmoil. Excessive solicitous nature/whiteknighting when first dating. These are all low-level signs of a problem character who may be narcissistic or outright abusive.

Too much "charming" always turns my stomach...

Wat anon said above.... "I was naive enough to believe he would never direct this aggressiveness towards me..." Yes of course he will... as soon as u r emotionally attached he switches to using u as his emo punchbag! Just wat such a dude needs... a compliant always-near female who has been hoodwinked to absorb his abuse which he gaslights as "love" (actually I believe girls r smart and many delude themselves about the risk just like the anon quote)...
Yeah he seems a bit up himself at times, also self centred however i assumed this was due to him having rich parents.

Would certainly not of thought he'd throw some food at a girl though.

Ppl say I come across as charming tbh and I'm certainly a good person, but I agree with you in guys esp too much of it can be a red flag. B/c it's love bombing.
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Anonymous #1
#25
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#25
(Original post by the_pharaoh)
well if these friends are really close to you and you trust them so be it

I mean you did say he treats you very well if he was really that bad it'd be hard not to show it
Yeah true

He is usually very nice to me however like I said he does some weird stuff like sulking b/c I didn't text him happy Valentines. He comes across as self centred, not just to me but everyone
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the_pharaoh
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah true

He is usually very nice to me however like I said he does some weird stuff like sulking b/c I didn't text him happy Valentines. He comes across as self centred, not just to me but everyone
Ok you know better I have no idea
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Anonymous #1
#27
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#27
Ok he's been texting me asking to hang out after lockdown and idk what to say help

Don't even want to be friends any more tbh how do I cut him off wo causing drama??
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Anonymous #1
#28
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Lucifer323
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Joleee)
i was in a long-term relationship with an extremely abusive person (didn't know that tho cuz they are a pathological liar/narsisist who did all the abuse behind my back. i mean that in a literal sense btw; like they have a disorder and need to seek professional help).

in most cases tho i reckon where there's not a personality disorder like my ex, it's just hard to spot because the abuser is obvs not going to admit their past to you and they will be on their best behaviour at first to 'win your heart' :daydreaming: :date:. eventually it will come out tho because abusers don't know what they're doing is abusive and feel entitled to do it, so will do it till they accept it's wrong. but yeah, there is a real myth out there that these people are easy to spot. like how many times have you heard 'a woman always knows when she's being cheated on'. i think i've lost count.
So you are a girl... I remember asking you another time and you left it open.

Still... you are my favourite left-wing trainee solicitor.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#30
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok he's been texting me asking to hang out after lockdown and idk what to say help

Don't even want to be friends any more tbh how do I cut him off wo causing drama??
Say "Sure".

And hang out with him if it's in a reasonably sized group.

Never spend time with him when it's just the 2 of you.

If he asks you on a date respond with "Thanks for the offer, but I can't take you up on this."
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