My boyfriends parents are racist.

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Anonymous #1
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So me and my boyfriend started off as friends at Uni in like 2019, and then eventually started dating a few months later, ever since then we’ve been inseparable and we really really love each other, like so much. He’s Asian (Chinese) and I’m Black. Initially, his parents (according to him) didn’t pay much mind and were dismissive of the fact that he was dating me, a black person. As our relationship progressed, so did their attention and aggression towards me being black. He’s told me that they have convinced him to break up with me BECAUSE I am Black and ask him “how long will you be dating her for” as if I’m some kind of experiment. His mother has continuously said (to him) that “she’s black, you shouldn’t be dating her, what will people think, I didn’t think you’d disgrace us like this” etc. and some other really nasty things. His parents refuse to see me, after my boyfriend brought up the idea of introducing me to them. My boyfriend does love his parents and I’d never wanna get in the way of him and his parents nor would I want him to pick between me and his family but I don’t know what to do. His parents despise me but I really love him and I would just hate to picture a future where he’s disconnected from his family because of ME.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

I really don’t know what to do, breaking up with him sounds like the last thing I’d wanna do in this situation but what do you guys think? What should I do?
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Wannabevetnurse
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So me and my boyfriend started off as friends at Uni in like 2019, and then eventually started dating a few months later, ever since then we’ve been inseparable and we really really love each other, like so much. He’s Asian (Chinese) and I’m Black. Initially, his parents (according to him) didn’t pay much mind and were dismissive of the fact that he was dating me, a black person. As our relationship progressed, so did their attention and aggression towards me being black. He’s told me that they have convinced him to break up with me BECAUSE I am Black and ask him “how long will you be dating her for” as if I’m some kind of experiment. His mother has continuously said (to him) that “she’s black, you shouldn’t be dating her, what will people think, I didn’t think you’d disgrace us like this” etc. and some other really nasty things. His parents refuse to see me, after my boyfriend brought up the idea of introducing me to them. My boyfriend does love his parents and I’d never wanna get in the way of him and his parents nor would I want him to pick between me and his family but I don’t know what to do. His parents despise me but I really love him and I would just hate to picture a future where he’s disconnected from his family because of ME.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

I really don’t know what to do, breaking up with him sounds like the last thing I’d wanna do in this situation but what do you guys think? What should I do?
Some asian parents, from the old gen, are racist. If it hurts you, tell your bf, and tell him to have a talk with them. If it doesn't work out, talk with them yourself. If they continue, just break it off.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sufys12)
Asian guy and black girl sounds like the most hopeless relationship.
Why?
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sufys12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why?
Deleted that post. That's probably the least common race gender combination, and there's likely a reason for that...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sufys12)
Deleted that post. That's probably the least common race gender combination, and there's likely a reason for that...
Why does it matter? I’ve dated other races before, why can’t an Asian man and a Black woman just be together without someone indirectly pointing out that they’re the least desired counterparts in the dating pool? It’s not necessary and disregards the point of this thread.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So me and my boyfriend started off as friends at Uni in like 2019, and then eventually started dating a few months later, ever since then we’ve been inseparable and we really really love each other, like so much. He’s Asian (Chinese) and I’m Black. Initially, his parents (according to him) didn’t pay much mind and were dismissive of the fact that he was dating me, a black person. As our relationship progressed, so did their attention and aggression towards me being black. He’s told me that they have convinced him to break up with me BECAUSE I am Black and ask him “how long will you be dating her for” as if I’m some kind of experiment. His mother has continuously said (to him) that “she’s black, you shouldn’t be dating her, what will people think, I didn’t think you’d disgrace us like this” etc. and some other really nasty things. His parents refuse to see me, after my boyfriend brought up the idea of introducing me to them. My boyfriend does love his parents and I’d never wanna get in the way of him and his parents nor would I want him to pick between me and his family but I don’t know what to do. His parents despise me but I really love him and I would just hate to picture a future where he’s disconnected from his family because of ME.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

I really don’t know what to do, breaking up with him sounds like the last thing I’d wanna do in this situation but what do you guys think? What should I do?
I don't think you should break up with your bf over this as he can't help his parents attitude and if you love one another that is the most important thing. However, at some point he is going to have to confront them over it if your relationship looks like it will progress to long term partners. In the end, maybe he will have to say to them he would choose you over them but that's a bit nuclear, better to not bring it to a head just yet in my opinion and hope they will come round in time.

I had something slightly similar with my in laws in that they disliked me at first for being atheist but they came round in the end and had to broaden their outlook or lose their relationship with their child.
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sufys12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why does it matter? I’ve dated other races before, why can’t an Asian man and a Black woman just be together without someone indirectly pointing out that they’re the least desired counterparts in the dating pool? It’s not necessary and disregards the point of this thread.
Again, I deleted the post lol. Had you not quoted it this conversation would've never happened.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by harrysbar)
I don't think you should break up with your bf over this as he can't help his parents attitude and if you love one another that is the most important thing. However, at some point he is going to have to confront them over it if your relationship looks like it will progress to long term partners. In the end, maybe he will have to say to them he would choose you over them but that's a bit nuclear, better to not bring it to a head just yet in my opinion and hope they will come round in time.

I had something slightly similar with my in laws in that they disliked me at first for being atheist but they came round in the end and had to broaden their outlook or lose their relationship with their child.
Thank you so much.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sufys12)
Again, I deleted the post lol. Had you not quoted it this conversation would've never happened.
Had you not posted it, this conversation wouldn’t of happened. I wasn’t aware at the time of quoting so apologies...?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why?
Don't listen to other people's stupid comments. It's not a stupid combination and just because it's not common, it doesn't mean it's hopeless and doomed. Speak to him and ask him if anything has caused this as lots of racism can be as a result of incidents with other people. Don't break up with him over this if your really love him.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much.
That's ok, I'm sorry you are having to put up with their crap
Last edited by harrysbar; 5 days ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Don't listen to other people's stupid comments. It's not a stupid combination and just because it's not common, it doesn't mean it's hopeless and doomed. Speak to him and ask him if anything has caused this as lots of racism can be as a result of incidents with other people. Don't break up with him over this if your really love him.
Alright thank you x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by harrysbar)
That's ok, I'm sorry you are having to put up with their crap
Tbh, I kind of prepared myself for this, and my worst fears kind of came true, sucks I guess haha, but thank you though.
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sufys12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Had you not posted it, this conversation wouldn’t of happened. I wasn’t aware at the time of quoting so apologies...?
That's fair.
OP don't break up because of parental attitude, eventually they'll have to accept you or risk becoming distant from their child.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Don't listen to other people's stupid comments. It's not a stupid combination and just because it's not common, it doesn't mean it's hopeless and doomed. Speak to him and ask him if anything has caused this as lots of racism can be as a result of incidents with other people. Don't break up with him over this if your really love him.
I didn't say it's stupid. What I mean it's quite difficult to have success in that kind of relationship because of parental disapproval.
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Anonymous #3
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I do not think you should break up with your boyfriend, although I am sure this situation must be very stressful and difficult for you. I think his parents will come around eventually if your relationship progresses into something more serious, because they will realize that in order to keep him in their lives they will have to at least tolerate you.

I was in a somewhat similar situation with my ex boyfriend. He was Latino, and so was his parents (obviously) while I am white. They always wanted him to end up with a girl from his home country, or at least one of the neighboring countries, and instead he brought home a born-and-raised Scandinavian. They absolutely hated me, and they were super aggressive about it. They would tell him to break up with me all the time, that it was a disgrace that he wasnt with someone from his home country like his siblings were, and would even physically intervene, such as taking the keys to his car so he couldnt come and visit me, and deleting my number from his phone. It was super stressful and I almost ended it with him. However, after a few months they realized that he wasnt gonna break up with me, and started to come around slowly. After a while me and my ex moved in together, and at this point they decided to at least try and build a relationship with me. It slowly, but surely got better, although they still absolutely hated the fact that i wasnt Latina. Me and my ex broke up after about 2 years though, for unrelated reasons, but by the end of it they would often invite me over for dinner and sent me sweet texts occasionally, and even invited me to come and visit their home country with them. I feel like this is the case for a lot of people who are in inter-racial/inter-religious relationships where racist/unsupportive parents are involved; they are super hostile and aggressive in the beginning, but they slowly come around because they realize that a relationship with their child is more important than their own ignorant beliefs. So I dont think you should end it if you truly love him, at least not yet. Things might get better.

I really do hope that things take a turn for the better for you, and that his parents manage to change their views. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best! x
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2003a39
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You don't need his parent's approval if they're being racist. Your time with him will speak for itself, and hopefully their racism will end with sincerity.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do not think you should break up with your boyfriend, although I am sure this situation must be very stressful and difficult for you. I think his parents will come around eventually if your relationship progresses into something more serious, because they will realize that in order to keep him in their lives they will have to at least tolerate you.

I was in a somewhat similar situation with my ex boyfriend. He was Latino, and so was his parents (obviously) while I am white. They always wanted him to end up with a girl from his home country, or at least one of the neighboring countries, and instead he brought home a born-and-raised Scandinavian. They absolutely hated me, and they were super aggressive about it. They would tell him to break up with me all the time, that it was a disgrace that he wasnt with someone from his home country like his siblings were, and would even physically intervene, such as taking the keys to his car so he couldnt come and visit me, and deleting my number from his phone. It was super stressful and I almost ended it with him. However, after a few months they realized that he wasnt gonna break up with me, and started to come around slowly. After a while me and my ex moved in together, and at this point they decided to at least try and build a relationship with me. It slowly, but surely got better, although they still absolutely hated the fact that i wasnt Latina. Me and my ex broke up after about 2 years though, for unrelated reasons, but by the end of it they would often invite me over for dinner and sent me sweet texts occasionally, and even invited me to come and visit their home country with them. I feel like this is the case for a lot of people who are in inter-racial/inter-religious relationships where racist/unsupportive parents are involved; they are super hostile and aggressive in the beginning, but they slowly come around because they realize that a relationship with their child is more important than their own ignorant beliefs. So I dont think you should end it if you truly love him, at least not yet. Things might get better.

I really do hope that things take a turn for the better for you, and that his parents manage to change their views. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best! x
Thank you so much for this! I really appreciate, I hope they come through some day. Xx
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 2003a39)
You don't need his parent's approval if they're being racist. Your time with him will speak for itself, and hopefully their racism will end with sincerity.
Thank you xx
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do not think you should break up with your boyfriend, although I am sure this situation must be very stressful and difficult for you. I think his parents will come around eventually if your relationship progresses into something more serious, because they will realize that in order to keep him in their lives they will have to at least tolerate you.

I was in a somewhat similar situation with my ex boyfriend. He was Latino, and so was his parents (obviously) while I am white. They always wanted him to end up with a girl from his home country, or at least one of the neighboring countries, and instead he brought home a born-and-raised Scandinavian. They absolutely hated me, and they were super aggressive about it. They would tell him to break up with me all the time, that it was a disgrace that he wasnt with someone from his home country like his siblings were, and would even physically intervene, such as taking the keys to his car so he couldnt come and visit me, and deleting my number from his phone. It was super stressful and I almost ended it with him. However, after a few months they realized that he wasnt gonna break up with me, and started to come around slowly. After a while me and my ex moved in together, and at this point they decided to at least try and build a relationship with me. It slowly, but surely got better, although they still absolutely hated the fact that i wasnt Latina. Me and my ex broke up after about 2 years though, for unrelated reasons, but by the end of it they would often invite me over for dinner and sent me sweet texts occasionally, and even invited me to come and visit their home country with them. I feel like this is the case for a lot of people who are in inter-racial/inter-religious relationships where racist/unsupportive parents are involved; they are super hostile and aggressive in the beginning, but they slowly come around because they realize that a relationship with their child is more important than their own ignorant beliefs. So I dont think you should end it if you truly love him, at least not yet. Things might get better.

I really do hope that things take a turn for the better for you, and that his parents manage to change their views. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best! x
It gives me hope for humanity that they came around eventually and became much friendlier.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 5 days ago
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Moonlight rain
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**** his patents. It’s your relationship, and you don’t share it with his parents.
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