Anyone here dated a long term close but purely platonic friend?

Current boyfriend was my best friend for maybe 6 months before we got together (we knew each other for 10). I tend to get feelings for friends though.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 2

OP

Original post by ashtolga23

Current boyfriend was my best friend for maybe 6 months before we got together (we knew each other for 10). I tend to get feelings for friends though.

How did that happen? Who made the first move and how? And when did the feelings come about?

Reply 3

Debs25

I had a really good platonic friend for three years. We went out socially in a group and also spent time alone together. I wasn't remotely physically attracted to him, but he was to me. I then had a car accident and realised that I wanted my " platonic" friend to visit me, talk to me and comfort me. He dropped everything and came to my bedside in hospital. I realised that I had feelings for him and we started dating. We've been married 23 years!! Friendship is the best foundation for a relationship.

Reply 4

Original post by Anonymous

How did that happen? Who made the first move and how? And when did the feelings come about?

I liked him for most of the friendship to be honest, but he just saw me as a friend for a lot of it. He asked me out, although I was getting to the point where I felt I might because it was hard to hold in.

Reply 5

Foxehh

Why would you date someone if you want the relationship to stay purely platonic?

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Have you ever dated someone who has been a purely platonic close friend for a long time? Is it even possible? Most cases I’ve heard where friends became more, it was never always purely platonic.

Tbh I had a friend I thought was my soul mate. Funnily enough I met her on here. I think I got swept up by our long convos at night which made me fall for her quite early on. Fats forward about 14 months we don't talk anymore. I asked her out and asked what she felt multiple times bc as women do they through mixed signals. She would literally write stuff that was about something we were both experiencing and yet she would never accept it was anything more. I stopped being friends friends w her and then I said something about her beliefs and she unfriended me. I think it's not platonic bc men always want 1 thing. In my case it was love and I felt comfort in her company 😔 ah it's life. Hope that helps :smile:

Reply 7

OP

Original post by ashtolga23

I liked him for most of the friendship to be honest, but he just saw me as a friend for a lot of it. He asked me out, although I was getting to the point where I felt I might because it was hard to hold in.

how do you know he just saw you as a friend? Did you ask him?

Reply 8

OP

Original post by Debs25

I had a really good platonic friend for three years. We went out socially in a group and also spent time alone together. I wasn't remotely physically attracted to him, but he was to me. I then had a car accident and realised that I wanted my " platonic" friend to visit me, talk to me and comfort me. He dropped everything and came to my bedside in hospital. I realised that I had feelings for him and we started dating. We've been married 23 years!! Friendship is the best foundation for a relationship.

Do you think without that accident, you would have never dated him?

Reply 9

Debs25

Original post by Anonymous

Do you think without that accident, you would have never dated him?

I think my feelings were slowly developing, but it took the accident to bring them to the fore. I reckon we would still have got together eventually even if the accident hadn't happened.

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

how do you know he just saw you as a friend? Did you ask him?

Yeah haha. Do other people not talk about this stuff??

Reply 11

OP

Original post by ashtolga23

Yeah haha. Do other people not talk about this stuff??

So then you were never purely platonic then as you talked about feelings and one admitted feelings for the other.

Reply 12

OP

I think it’s extremely rare that purely platonic friends who never even talked about feelings become more.

Reply 13

Original post by Anonymous

So then you were never purely platonic then as you talked about feelings and one admitted feelings for the other.

Um, after quite a few months we talked about feelings. We met around June 2019, I got feelings around Sept/Oct, and we talked about them in April 2020.

Reply 14

londonmyst

No.
I don't date or get sexually involved with friends.
Nor biological relatives, coworkers, family members with no blood relationship or housemates.

Reply 15

OP

Original post by londonmyst

No.
I don't date or get sexually involved with friends.
Nor biological relatives, coworkers, family members with no blood relationship or housemates.

This is friend zone. It’s pigeon holing friends into the same category as relatives, co-workers and housemates. Would you do this even if you were very attracted to a friend?

Reply 16

londonmyst

Original post by Anonymous

This is friend zone. It’s pigeon holing friends into the same category as relatives, co-workers and housemates. Would you do this even if you were very attracted to a friend?

Yes.

Reply 17

OP

Original post by londonmyst

Yes.

So basically if a guy who is your friend falls for you, they don’t have a chance?

Or if a guy falls for you but is too nervous to tell you or ask you out and just becomes a good friend, he’s lost all chance once you see him as a friend?

Reply 18

londonmyst