I'm pouring my heart out to you TSR (I'm heartbroken)
Dear TSR people,
I hope you're all doing well.
I wish I can say the same about myself. I'm currently sitting in bed with hot tears pouring down my face and on my keyboard. I don't know where to begin and I don't know what to say. I'll try to summarize everything here (I apologize in advance because it's quite lengthy).
I've been with my bf for almost 4 years. We love each other and he means the world to me. Covid-19 came and it was a bit challenging as I went back to my home country to save some money (work cut my salary in half for several months so I decided to go home for a few months but luckily it was working online).. so I went to live with my folks for several months. During those months, I felt like me and my bf we were growing distant, but the love was still there. We fought and argued a lot, but we still loved each other. Btw, my bf lives with his family in the country I work and I live alone in a flat, but we live super close to each other so he's always at my place and sleeps over at times.
Anyway, covid restrictions eased up and when I finally moved back to the country that I work in, we met each other and it was amazing that first night. Then my bf got busy and I got busy and 5 weeks passed and we check up on each other every few days over the phone (which isn't like us as we used to text each other daily if we didn't see one another). So imagine after months not seeing each other .. this didn't feel 'normal' to me.
Anyway, a few weeks back, my bf came over and made up this entire scenario that he met someone and stuff and a part of me was heartbroken but I kinda sensed it? like I had this feeling... so then I made up this story saying well ok yeah and I also met someone (which is a lie but I just didn't know what to say as I was shocked and horrified). Then he got upset thinking I met someone because he told me he made it up and was testing me to see if I had met someone cuz he felt I was being distant (ironic really as I felt him being the distant one). Anyway, we both laughed about it and everything was fine. A few weeks passed and we both got busy with life but still checked on each other every few days (which again isn't what we are used to and that made me so sad).
So all of a sudden, I started overthinking that he doesn't love me as much cuz he doesn't say I love you like he did before and stuff and remains mysterious about where he goes out and stuff like that and when I ask where are you going, his response is "I won't tell you, you ask too many questions". It's upsetting and that's why I started overthinking stuff. Anyway, so we went for a car ride and I wanted to test his love for me and told him I got a job offer in my home country and that I'm thinking of taking it cuz it's an incredible opportunity and stuff, and asked him what he thought I should do. He kept quiet as he drove and his face got red and he didn't say anything. I told him babe my home town is only an hour away by plane, we can meet each other twice a month over the weekends and visit each other. He got angry and told me whatever, do what u want, take the stupid job. And that's when I knew he cared about me and didn't want me to leave. I told him what's the point, I'm only living in this country for you and you're always distant. He was like because I'm busy with work.
Anyway, long story short, I told him I made it up and that even if I get a job offer that was triple my pay, I would never take it because he comes first and he's my world and I love him more than anything. Apparently, he didn't take it too well and got so angry so he dropped me home and told me to get out of his car. I started breaking down in front of him and he told me you're stressing me out, I just want to be alone and I'm turning off my phone. He was angry because I lied to him... I told him I was testing you the same way you tested me before and lied to me... because just like you thought I was seeing someone, I thought you were seeing someone too.. but he didn't get this and he got so mad at me
I left his car and I was crying because I tried to show him how I would choose him over any job no matter how good it was because he was my whole world and I loved him to death. Now he's not answering my calls and he texted me to stop calling him because he doesn't want to talk now because I 'played with feelings' and what I did to him was 'unacceptable'. I could have easily told him what he did to me weeks ago was also unacceptable but I didn't say anything. He's super pissed at me and I'm honestly heartbroken. I was an idiot, wasn't I TSR? Who's at fault here? Is it all my fault? I'm ready to apologize to him and make it up to him. I just wanted to know if he still cared about me... I just don't know what to do, please help me guys
I hope you're all doing well.
I wish I can say the same about myself. I'm currently sitting in bed with hot tears pouring down my face and on my keyboard. I don't know where to begin and I don't know what to say. I'll try to summarize everything here (I apologize in advance because it's quite lengthy).
I've been with my bf for almost 4 years. We love each other and he means the world to me. Covid-19 came and it was a bit challenging as I went back to my home country to save some money (work cut my salary in half for several months so I decided to go home for a few months but luckily it was working online).. so I went to live with my folks for several months. During those months, I felt like me and my bf we were growing distant, but the love was still there. We fought and argued a lot, but we still loved each other. Btw, my bf lives with his family in the country I work and I live alone in a flat, but we live super close to each other so he's always at my place and sleeps over at times.
Anyway, covid restrictions eased up and when I finally moved back to the country that I work in, we met each other and it was amazing that first night. Then my bf got busy and I got busy and 5 weeks passed and we check up on each other every few days over the phone (which isn't like us as we used to text each other daily if we didn't see one another). So imagine after months not seeing each other .. this didn't feel 'normal' to me.
Anyway, a few weeks back, my bf came over and made up this entire scenario that he met someone and stuff and a part of me was heartbroken but I kinda sensed it? like I had this feeling... so then I made up this story saying well ok yeah and I also met someone (which is a lie but I just didn't know what to say as I was shocked and horrified). Then he got upset thinking I met someone because he told me he made it up and was testing me to see if I had met someone cuz he felt I was being distant (ironic really as I felt him being the distant one). Anyway, we both laughed about it and everything was fine. A few weeks passed and we both got busy with life but still checked on each other every few days (which again isn't what we are used to and that made me so sad).
So all of a sudden, I started overthinking that he doesn't love me as much cuz he doesn't say I love you like he did before and stuff and remains mysterious about where he goes out and stuff like that and when I ask where are you going, his response is "I won't tell you, you ask too many questions". It's upsetting and that's why I started overthinking stuff. Anyway, so we went for a car ride and I wanted to test his love for me and told him I got a job offer in my home country and that I'm thinking of taking it cuz it's an incredible opportunity and stuff, and asked him what he thought I should do. He kept quiet as he drove and his face got red and he didn't say anything. I told him babe my home town is only an hour away by plane, we can meet each other twice a month over the weekends and visit each other. He got angry and told me whatever, do what u want, take the stupid job. And that's when I knew he cared about me and didn't want me to leave. I told him what's the point, I'm only living in this country for you and you're always distant. He was like because I'm busy with work.
Anyway, long story short, I told him I made it up and that even if I get a job offer that was triple my pay, I would never take it because he comes first and he's my world and I love him more than anything. Apparently, he didn't take it too well and got so angry so he dropped me home and told me to get out of his car. I started breaking down in front of him and he told me you're stressing me out, I just want to be alone and I'm turning off my phone. He was angry because I lied to him... I told him I was testing you the same way you tested me before and lied to me... because just like you thought I was seeing someone, I thought you were seeing someone too.. but he didn't get this and he got so mad at me
I left his car and I was crying because I tried to show him how I would choose him over any job no matter how good it was because he was my whole world and I loved him to death. Now he's not answering my calls and he texted me to stop calling him because he doesn't want to talk now because I 'played with feelings' and what I did to him was 'unacceptable'. I could have easily told him what he did to me weeks ago was also unacceptable but I didn't say anything. He's super pissed at me and I'm honestly heartbroken. I was an idiot, wasn't I TSR? Who's at fault here? Is it all my fault? I'm ready to apologize to him and make it up to him. I just wanted to know if he still cared about me... I just don't know what to do, please help me guys
This is one of those times when the best course of action is to switch off the emotional half of your brain and to think about things in a purely logical way for 1 hour.
Resolve that you are going to think like a Terminator robot for 1 hour.
Looking at your life logically:
You were fighting and arguing a lot - so it's no huge loss that you've broken up, as at least you'll have more calm and less stress in your life now.
The him being busy with work thing was just a feeble excuse on his part. The 2 of you should have lived together full time. As man and wife. And then you'd have seen plenty of each other and would have shared in chores and therefore been more time efficient as a partnership.
Most important logical thought of all - do you live in Sark or somewhere like that or do you live somewhere where there are plenty of men about? If you live in a poulated area, there will be thousands of men you can meet. And so the loss of one man is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.
In other words, logically thinking, are you in a situation of abundance or one of scarcity?
Self imposed scarcity doesn't count. Because with logical determination you can overcome any self imposed restrictions.
There are a few lessons you can learn
Making up stuff to test someone is dumb. Life throws up enough tests as it is. For example every time the 2 of you argued was a test.
Sunken cost fallacy. It's so human to fall into this. Be aware of it and try not to fall into it.
No man is worth getting upset over for more than 2 days. After that pick yourself and get on with getting your next sexual partner.
Just because a relationship ends, doesn't mean to say there's anything fundamentally wrong with you.
You got a boyfriend before. You can get one again.
Thinking about things logically should put you in a better mood.
Because logically you are in a great place now and there's a lot of reasons for expecting that great things will happen in your future.
Resolve that you are going to think like a Terminator robot for 1 hour.
Looking at your life logically:
You were fighting and arguing a lot - so it's no huge loss that you've broken up, as at least you'll have more calm and less stress in your life now.
The him being busy with work thing was just a feeble excuse on his part. The 2 of you should have lived together full time. As man and wife. And then you'd have seen plenty of each other and would have shared in chores and therefore been more time efficient as a partnership.
Most important logical thought of all - do you live in Sark or somewhere like that or do you live somewhere where there are plenty of men about? If you live in a poulated area, there will be thousands of men you can meet. And so the loss of one man is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.
In other words, logically thinking, are you in a situation of abundance or one of scarcity?
Self imposed scarcity doesn't count. Because with logical determination you can overcome any self imposed restrictions.
There are a few lessons you can learn
Making up stuff to test someone is dumb. Life throws up enough tests as it is. For example every time the 2 of you argued was a test.
Sunken cost fallacy. It's so human to fall into this. Be aware of it and try not to fall into it.
No man is worth getting upset over for more than 2 days. After that pick yourself and get on with getting your next sexual partner.
Just because a relationship ends, doesn't mean to say there's anything fundamentally wrong with you.
You got a boyfriend before. You can get one again.
Thinking about things logically should put you in a better mood.
Because logically you are in a great place now and there's a lot of reasons for expecting that great things will happen in your future.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
This is one of those times when the best course of action is to switch off the emotional half of your brain and to think about things in a purely logical way for 1 hour.
Resolve that you are going to think like a Terminator robot for 1 hour.
Looking at your life logically:
You were fighting and arguing a lot - so it's no huge loss that you've broken up, as at least you'll have more calm and less stress in your life now.
The him being busy with work thing was just a feeble excuse on his part. The 2 of you should have lived together full time. As man and wife. And then you'd have seen plenty of each other and would have shared in chores and therefore been more time efficient as a partnership.
Most important logical thought of all - do you live in Sark or somewhere like that or do you live somewhere where there are plenty of men about? If you live in a poulated area, there will be thousands of men you can meet. And so the loss of one man is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.
In other words, logically thinking, are you in a situation of abundance or one of scarcity?
Self imposed scarcity doesn't count. Because with logical determination you can overcome any self imposed restrictions.
There are a few lessons you can learn
Making up stuff to test someone is dumb. Life throws up enough tests as it is. For example every time the 2 of you argued was a test.
Sunken cost fallacy. It's so human to fall into this. Be aware of it and try not to fall into it.
No man is worth getting upset over for more than 2 days. After that pick yourself and get on with getting your next sexual partner.
Just because a relationship ends, doesn't mean to say there's anything fundamentally wrong with you.
You got a boyfriend before. You can get one again.
Thinking about things logically should put you in a better mood.
Because logically you are in a great place now and there's a lot of reasons for expecting that great things will happen in your future.
Resolve that you are going to think like a Terminator robot for 1 hour.
Looking at your life logically:
You were fighting and arguing a lot - so it's no huge loss that you've broken up, as at least you'll have more calm and less stress in your life now.
The him being busy with work thing was just a feeble excuse on his part. The 2 of you should have lived together full time. As man and wife. And then you'd have seen plenty of each other and would have shared in chores and therefore been more time efficient as a partnership.
Most important logical thought of all - do you live in Sark or somewhere like that or do you live somewhere where there are plenty of men about? If you live in a poulated area, there will be thousands of men you can meet. And so the loss of one man is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things.
In other words, logically thinking, are you in a situation of abundance or one of scarcity?
Self imposed scarcity doesn't count. Because with logical determination you can overcome any self imposed restrictions.
There are a few lessons you can learn
Making up stuff to test someone is dumb. Life throws up enough tests as it is. For example every time the 2 of you argued was a test.
Sunken cost fallacy. It's so human to fall into this. Be aware of it and try not to fall into it.
No man is worth getting upset over for more than 2 days. After that pick yourself and get on with getting your next sexual partner.
Just because a relationship ends, doesn't mean to say there's anything fundamentally wrong with you.
You got a boyfriend before. You can get one again.
Thinking about things logically should put you in a better mood.
Because logically you are in a great place now and there's a lot of reasons for expecting that great things will happen in your future.
I never said we broke up or that the relationship ended. We've been together almost 4 years and won't break up over something trivial. And I'm not looking for anyone else. I know it was dumb to test him like that. But I disagree with u about not arguing as arguing is normal in a relationship. Anyway, thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it.
We met up today and sorrys were said, we're good now. Thank you so much for your feedback. He's 24 and I'm 30.
Original post by Anonymous
I never said we broke up or that the relationship ended. We've been together almost 4 years and won't break up over something trivial. And I'm not looking for anyone else. I know it was dumb to test him like that. But I disagree with u about not arguing as arguing is normal in a relationship. Anyway, thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it.
Arguing does happen in relationships. But it's not good if you get to the stage where you "fought and argued a lot". No relationship is worth that amount of stress and drama.
I don't understand. From the thread title you said that you were "heartbroken"? And that he texted you to stop calling him? And you were crying? But you've not broken up?
Whilst you can't help your emotions, you can help how you act in response to your emotions...
It sounds like in a couple of days, this whole episode will have blown over. And your life will go on. Which is all quite positive...
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