I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don’t know what to do
Me (F18) and my boyfriend (M18) have been dating for 7 months now but we have known each other for all of high school. We love each other and it’s evident that we care for each other and we try to see each other often because we love seeing one another.
One thing I should note is that he has depression. I have been trying my best to be supportive and being there for him whenever he needs me and I don’t push him to do anything forcefully. I have always tried to create a safe and comforting environment for him in ways for him to cope with his depression. For various reasons, he is not seeing a professional for his depression despite me constantly telling him if will help him.
So whenever there is something wrong or bothers me, I always try to bring it up very nicely or in a way that it doesn’t burden him but he knows that something is upsetting me. Let me give you an example: sometimes he will sleep for long periods of time (a day and a half) and then wake up go to work then go home maybe hang with friends or just do his own thing. During this period he won’t contact me at all. He won’t speak to me, call me back, or text me a single thing. I eventually bring this up and tell him that it would mean a lot to me if he can communicate better so I know what’s going on. This is what he replies with: “i’m sorry” “i’m so useless” “why don’t you break up with me” “i don’t treat you well” but never really does anything to change this.
Now the problem is that we have been trying to make plans to get lunch together because it’s our anniversary. Since he has a hard time waking up, I told him in advance about the plans so he can make sure to wake up for it. I wanted to get lunch at 1 so he should at least wake up at 12. I live about 40 minutes away and I was willing to drive to his town to get lunch. The day before he said he picked up a shift at work but it’s at 5 so I wouldn’t have to worry. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t make it because this has happened before. He even stayed up late the night before to hang out with his friends last minute and then I woke up on the day of our lunch date around 10 to get ready and I wait for him to respond and he doesn’t. He eventually texts me at 4 saying he’s sorry. If I tell him how I feel about this, and tell him that he needs to be more reliable he will just say “yeah” “it sucks” and stuff like that because that’s what he’s always said.
In my opinion, he’s very unreliable but I feel bad for telling him because he has depression and I don’t want to make him feel bad. But whenever I do bring stuff up he plays more like victim card and says “you can find someone better” or just say “yeah” “okay” and stays quiet like he wants me to fix everything.
What do i do?
TL;DR my boyfriend is unreliable and doesn’t follow through with plans. he has depression and i don’t want to make him feel bad but when i do say something he never fixes it
One thing I should note is that he has depression. I have been trying my best to be supportive and being there for him whenever he needs me and I don’t push him to do anything forcefully. I have always tried to create a safe and comforting environment for him in ways for him to cope with his depression. For various reasons, he is not seeing a professional for his depression despite me constantly telling him if will help him.
So whenever there is something wrong or bothers me, I always try to bring it up very nicely or in a way that it doesn’t burden him but he knows that something is upsetting me. Let me give you an example: sometimes he will sleep for long periods of time (a day and a half) and then wake up go to work then go home maybe hang with friends or just do his own thing. During this period he won’t contact me at all. He won’t speak to me, call me back, or text me a single thing. I eventually bring this up and tell him that it would mean a lot to me if he can communicate better so I know what’s going on. This is what he replies with: “i’m sorry” “i’m so useless” “why don’t you break up with me” “i don’t treat you well” but never really does anything to change this.
Now the problem is that we have been trying to make plans to get lunch together because it’s our anniversary. Since he has a hard time waking up, I told him in advance about the plans so he can make sure to wake up for it. I wanted to get lunch at 1 so he should at least wake up at 12. I live about 40 minutes away and I was willing to drive to his town to get lunch. The day before he said he picked up a shift at work but it’s at 5 so I wouldn’t have to worry. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t make it because this has happened before. He even stayed up late the night before to hang out with his friends last minute and then I woke up on the day of our lunch date around 10 to get ready and I wait for him to respond and he doesn’t. He eventually texts me at 4 saying he’s sorry. If I tell him how I feel about this, and tell him that he needs to be more reliable he will just say “yeah” “it sucks” and stuff like that because that’s what he’s always said.
In my opinion, he’s very unreliable but I feel bad for telling him because he has depression and I don’t want to make him feel bad. But whenever I do bring stuff up he plays more like victim card and says “you can find someone better” or just say “yeah” “okay” and stays quiet like he wants me to fix everything.
What do i do?
TL;DR my boyfriend is unreliable and doesn’t follow through with plans. he has depression and i don’t want to make him feel bad but when i do say something he never fixes it
You shouldnt blame yourself for your boyfriends actions.Try help break him out of his habbit and try help him the medical help he needs.
Do you want to marry and have children with this guy?
What sort of a husband and father will he be?
Will he set a good example to your children?
Will you love your children? How much? Do you want the best for them, including the best dad?
If this isn't the man that you will marry and have children with, why are you with him, instead of getting out there and looking for the man that you will?
What sort of a husband and father will he be?
Will he set a good example to your children?
Will you love your children? How much? Do you want the best for them, including the best dad?
If this isn't the man that you will marry and have children with, why are you with him, instead of getting out there and looking for the man that you will?
Hi there.
From what you are saying, I would say it is a bit strange that he is able to things with his friends, but when it comes to you then he becomes passive.
I know how it feels to be a depressive person but I do not understand his behaviour.
From what you are saying, I would say it is a bit strange that he is able to things with his friends, but when it comes to you then he becomes passive.
I know how it feels to be a depressive person but I do not understand his behaviour.
Original post by Anonymous
Me (F18) and my boyfriend (M18) have been dating for 7 months now but we have known each other for all of high school. We love each other and it’s evident that we care for each other and we try to see each other often because we love seeing one another.
One thing I should note is that he has depression. I have been trying my best to be supportive and being there for him whenever he needs me and I don’t push him to do anything forcefully. I have always tried to create a safe and comforting environment for him in ways for him to cope with his depression. For various reasons, he is not seeing a professional for his depression despite me constantly telling him if will help him.
So whenever there is something wrong or bothers me, I always try to bring it up very nicely or in a way that it doesn’t burden him but he knows that something is upsetting me. Let me give you an example: sometimes he will sleep for long periods of time (a day and a half) and then wake up go to work then go home maybe hang with friends or just do his own thing. During this period he won’t contact me at all. He won’t speak to me, call me back, or text me a single thing. I eventually bring this up and tell him that it would mean a lot to me if he can communicate better so I know what’s going on. This is what he replies with: “i’m sorry” “i’m so useless” “why don’t you break up with me” “i don’t treat you well” but never really does anything to change this.
Now the problem is that we have been trying to make plans to get lunch together because it’s our anniversary. Since he has a hard time waking up, I told him in advance about the plans so he can make sure to wake up for it. I wanted to get lunch at 1 so he should at least wake up at 12. I live about 40 minutes away and I was willing to drive to his town to get lunch. The day before he said he picked up a shift at work but it’s at 5 so I wouldn’t have to worry. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t make it because this has happened before. He even stayed up late the night before to hang out with his friends last minute and then I woke up on the day of our lunch date around 10 to get ready and I wait for him to respond and he doesn’t. He eventually texts me at 4 saying he’s sorry. If I tell him how I feel about this, and tell him that he needs to be more reliable he will just say “yeah” “it sucks” and stuff like that because that’s what he’s always said.
In my opinion, he’s very unreliable but I feel bad for telling him because he has depression and I don’t want to make him feel bad. But whenever I do bring stuff up he plays more like victim card and says “you can find someone better” or just say “yeah” “okay” and stays quiet like he wants me to fix everything.
What do i do?
TL;DR my boyfriend is unreliable and doesn’t follow through with plans. he has depression and i don’t want to make him feel bad but when i do say something he never fixes it
One thing I should note is that he has depression. I have been trying my best to be supportive and being there for him whenever he needs me and I don’t push him to do anything forcefully. I have always tried to create a safe and comforting environment for him in ways for him to cope with his depression. For various reasons, he is not seeing a professional for his depression despite me constantly telling him if will help him.
So whenever there is something wrong or bothers me, I always try to bring it up very nicely or in a way that it doesn’t burden him but he knows that something is upsetting me. Let me give you an example: sometimes he will sleep for long periods of time (a day and a half) and then wake up go to work then go home maybe hang with friends or just do his own thing. During this period he won’t contact me at all. He won’t speak to me, call me back, or text me a single thing. I eventually bring this up and tell him that it would mean a lot to me if he can communicate better so I know what’s going on. This is what he replies with: “i’m sorry” “i’m so useless” “why don’t you break up with me” “i don’t treat you well” but never really does anything to change this.
Now the problem is that we have been trying to make plans to get lunch together because it’s our anniversary. Since he has a hard time waking up, I told him in advance about the plans so he can make sure to wake up for it. I wanted to get lunch at 1 so he should at least wake up at 12. I live about 40 minutes away and I was willing to drive to his town to get lunch. The day before he said he picked up a shift at work but it’s at 5 so I wouldn’t have to worry. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t make it because this has happened before. He even stayed up late the night before to hang out with his friends last minute and then I woke up on the day of our lunch date around 10 to get ready and I wait for him to respond and he doesn’t. He eventually texts me at 4 saying he’s sorry. If I tell him how I feel about this, and tell him that he needs to be more reliable he will just say “yeah” “it sucks” and stuff like that because that’s what he’s always said.
In my opinion, he’s very unreliable but I feel bad for telling him because he has depression and I don’t want to make him feel bad. But whenever I do bring stuff up he plays more like victim card and says “you can find someone better” or just say “yeah” “okay” and stays quiet like he wants me to fix everything.
What do i do?
TL;DR my boyfriend is unreliable and doesn’t follow through with plans. he has depression and i don’t want to make him feel bad but when i do say something he never fixes it
It's truly awful to watch someone you live struggle with depression, but you have to remember that your needs do matter as well. It sounds like you've handled it much better than most people would, and I honestly congratulate you for being so understanding and patient.
My main query is why he won't get therapy or seek professional intervention. As you say, I feel like this would help a lot. If he's had bad experiences before that's really unfortunate, but sometimes it takes trial and error to get the right help. You also have to engage with the therapy, and so may need to try different ones you're happy to follow or even start medication first as a boost.
You're still a valued person who deserves love and respect. He isn't thinking of you, and neither of you can live like this indefinitely. I understand it's hard, but it's also partly his responsibility to get the help he needs.
Good luck to you both! And again, well done for being such a good girlfriend to him.
I have dealt with depression too but I've always picked myself up everyday so that I could keep the people in my life happy.
It's so hard to do it and it drains the little energy you have but its POSSIBLE if u care about the people enough.
I know his depression is bad and he cant control it BUT he is now starting to use it as an EXCUSE rather than fixing his bad habits. he's not even trying.
I know u love him but u deserve better treatment so u should probably talk to him about u think about breaking up bc ur having to compromise so much and see if he changes/tries any harder, if not, break up and move on.
It's so hard to do it and it drains the little energy you have but its POSSIBLE if u care about the people enough.
I know his depression is bad and he cant control it BUT he is now starting to use it as an EXCUSE rather than fixing his bad habits. he's not even trying.
I know u love him but u deserve better treatment so u should probably talk to him about u think about breaking up bc ur having to compromise so much and see if he changes/tries any harder, if not, break up and move on.
Original post by Anonymous
Me (F18) and my boyfriend (M18) have been dating for 7 months now but we have known each other for all of high school. We love each other and it’s evident that we care for each other and we try to see each other often because we love seeing one another.
One thing I should note is that he has depression. I have been trying my best to be supportive and being there for him whenever he needs me and I don’t push him to do anything forcefully. I have always tried to create a safe and comforting environment for him in ways for him to cope with his depression. For various reasons, he is not seeing a professional for his depression despite me constantly telling him if will help him.
So whenever there is something wrong or bothers me, I always try to bring it up very nicely or in a way that it doesn’t burden him but he knows that something is upsetting me. Let me give you an example: sometimes he will sleep for long periods of time (a day and a half) and then wake up go to work then go home maybe hang with friends or just do his own thing. During this period he won’t contact me at all. He won’t speak to me, call me back, or text me a single thing. I eventually bring this up and tell him that it would mean a lot to me if he can communicate better so I know what’s going on. This is what he replies with: “i’m sorry” “i’m so useless” “why don’t you break up with me” “i don’t treat you well” but never really does anything to change this.
Now the problem is that we have been trying to make plans to get lunch together because it’s our anniversary. Since he has a hard time waking up, I told him in advance about the plans so he can make sure to wake up for it. I wanted to get lunch at 1 so he should at least wake up at 12. I live about 40 minutes away and I was willing to drive to his town to get lunch. The day before he said he picked up a shift at work but it’s at 5 so I wouldn’t have to worry. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t make it because this has happened before. He even stayed up late the night before to hang out with his friends last minute and then I woke up on the day of our lunch date around 10 to get ready and I wait for him to respond and he doesn’t. He eventually texts me at 4 saying he’s sorry. If I tell him how I feel about this, and tell him that he needs to be more reliable he will just say “yeah” “it sucks” and stuff like that because that’s what he’s always said.
In my opinion, he’s very unreliable but I feel bad for telling him because he has depression and I don’t want to make him feel bad. But whenever I do bring stuff up he plays more like victim card and says “you can find someone better” or just say “yeah” “okay” and stays quiet like he wants me to fix everything.
What do i do?
TL;DR my boyfriend is unreliable and doesn’t follow through with plans. he has depression and i don’t want to make him feel bad but when i do say something he never fixes it
One thing I should note is that he has depression. I have been trying my best to be supportive and being there for him whenever he needs me and I don’t push him to do anything forcefully. I have always tried to create a safe and comforting environment for him in ways for him to cope with his depression. For various reasons, he is not seeing a professional for his depression despite me constantly telling him if will help him.
So whenever there is something wrong or bothers me, I always try to bring it up very nicely or in a way that it doesn’t burden him but he knows that something is upsetting me. Let me give you an example: sometimes he will sleep for long periods of time (a day and a half) and then wake up go to work then go home maybe hang with friends or just do his own thing. During this period he won’t contact me at all. He won’t speak to me, call me back, or text me a single thing. I eventually bring this up and tell him that it would mean a lot to me if he can communicate better so I know what’s going on. This is what he replies with: “i’m sorry” “i’m so useless” “why don’t you break up with me” “i don’t treat you well” but never really does anything to change this.
Now the problem is that we have been trying to make plans to get lunch together because it’s our anniversary. Since he has a hard time waking up, I told him in advance about the plans so he can make sure to wake up for it. I wanted to get lunch at 1 so he should at least wake up at 12. I live about 40 minutes away and I was willing to drive to his town to get lunch. The day before he said he picked up a shift at work but it’s at 5 so I wouldn’t have to worry. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t make it because this has happened before. He even stayed up late the night before to hang out with his friends last minute and then I woke up on the day of our lunch date around 10 to get ready and I wait for him to respond and he doesn’t. He eventually texts me at 4 saying he’s sorry. If I tell him how I feel about this, and tell him that he needs to be more reliable he will just say “yeah” “it sucks” and stuff like that because that’s what he’s always said.
In my opinion, he’s very unreliable but I feel bad for telling him because he has depression and I don’t want to make him feel bad. But whenever I do bring stuff up he plays more like victim card and says “you can find someone better” or just say “yeah” “okay” and stays quiet like he wants me to fix everything.
What do i do?
TL;DR my boyfriend is unreliable and doesn’t follow through with plans. he has depression and i don’t want to make him feel bad but when i do say something he never fixes it
Break up with him then duh
Sounds like he needs a girl who will kick his arse into shape.. and not a girl who will support him gently by basically enabling his bad habits.
Be tough on him, and if he can’t rise to the occasion and be the man you need, get one who can.
Be tough on him, and if he can’t rise to the occasion and be the man you need, get one who can.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- SQE2
- Boyfriend took drugs
- Opinions needed going mad.
- SQE2 prep course ULaw vs Barbri for SQE2 April 2023
- relationship advice.. (18 year old and 24)
- My boyfriend makes me feel like I’m not good enough and keeps pointing out my flaws
- My mum keeps calling me a slut!
- Why is my bf keeping a towel?
- Struggling with balancing a-levels and relationships
- My girlfriend lives in another country, how to keep relationship going?
- My boyfriend's parents told me i should never vent to him because it ruins his focus
- Can I bring a member of the opposite sex into same sex accomodation?
- Bf is online at 2.30 am
- Insecurity
- Why do I not feel attracted to men that I met in RL but still wanting a boyfriend?
- Was I (21F) overreacting when I told my soon-to-be boyfriend (20M) that it's weird th
- Ugly anus after piles, ruined my confidence...
- T- Level + A Level
- Ask Me Anything.
- Intergrate
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
