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english language paper 1 question 3 mr fisher

Can anyone look at my answer to this question and give an overall grade about Mr Fisher. It is a paper 1 english language question 3 about structure.
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The writer shifts the focus and perspective again to the past as Mr fisher is having a flashback to him "remembered a time surely not so long ago". Mr fisher feels nostalgic of the past as books were more valuable as "imaginations soared" and the repeated semi colons and commas in the paragraph two emphasises how much Mr fisher misses old books. The reader will recognise this and would feel sympathy for Mr fisher due to the lack of interest his students have for Mr fishers passion because there is another shift in focus as Mr fishers perspective changes to the present to a flashforward as now "everything was in black and white ". The phrase, "black and white" indicates the huge dullness and bore books now have as the adjective "boring" is repeated. This "terrible disillusionment" shows Mr fisher to be dispirited as the "magic had run out."
Finally, Mr fisher finds out Tibbets exercise book his tone becomes more optimistic because there "was a spark" and dramatic tension builds up, "his breathing quickened, stopped...He began to sweat." The reader would feel startled because Mr fisher is seen to be very bored and unimpressed from many of his students books but as a "tightening in his diaphragm" and "re-reading every word very slowly and meticulous care" portrays that Mr fisher being excited and emphasising his happiness as "he found himself beginning to smile." This juxtaposition of the characters mood from the beginning highly advocates to the reader Mr fishers "world" as the comparisons is intensified dur to Mr fishers obvious mood change.
(edited 3 years ago)
Hi I think this is around 6/8 as the writing style is very good, however, you would need to label the more technical language devices to progress such as calling a flash forward a prolepsis to push you into the top grade band.
Reply 2
Original post by bkjknkjkbj
Hi I think this is around 6/8 as the writing style is very good, however, you would need to label the more technical language devices to progress such as calling a flash forward a prolepsis to push you into the top grade band.

thank you for taking the time to look at my answer :smile:
No problem hope it helped and good luck!
Reply 4
How are you able to write like this? It's very hard because it's an unseen text so any tips?
Original post by ariibrahimi
Can anyone look at my answer to this question and give an overall grade about Mr Fisher. It is a paper 1 english language question 3 about structure.
-
The writer shifts the focus and perspective again to the past as Mr fisher is having a flashback to him "remembered a time surely not so long ago". Mr fisher feels nostalgic of the past as books were more valuable as "imaginations soared" and the repeated semi colons and commas in the paragraph two emphasises how much Mr fisher misses old books. The reader will recognise this and would feel sympathy for Mr fisher due to the lack of interest his students have for Mr fishers passion because there is another shift in focus as Mr fishers perspective changes to the present to a flashforward as now "everything was in black and white ". The phrase, "black and white" indicates the huge dullness and bore books now have as the adjective "boring" is repeated. This "terrible disillusionment" shows Mr fisher to be dispirited as the "magic had run out."
Finally, Mr fisher finds out Tibbets exercise book his tone becomes more optimistic because there "was a spark" and dramatic tension builds up, "his breathing quickened, stopped...He began to sweat." The reader would feel startled because Mr fisher is seen to be very bored and unimpressed from many of his students books but as a "tightening in his diaphragm" and "re-reading every word very slowly and meticulous care" portrays that Mr fisher being excited and emphasising his happiness as "he found himself beginning to smile." This juxtaposition of the characters mood from the beginning highly advocates to the reader Mr fishers "world" as the comparisons is intensified dur to Mr fishers obvious mood change.

paper 1 question 3 english lanugage need help with second paragraph
Reply 6
I think its quite good. 6/8 maybe 7/8
Reply 7
Original post by ariibrahimi
Can anyone look at my answer to this question and give an overall grade about Mr Fisher. It is a paper 1 english language question 3 about structure.
-
The writer shifts the focus and perspective again to the past as Mr fisher is having a flashback to him "remembered a time surely not so long ago". Mr fisher feels nostalgic of the past as books were more valuable as "imaginations soared" and the repeated semi colons and commas in the paragraph two emphasises how much Mr fisher misses old books. The reader will recognise this and would feel sympathy for Mr fisher due to the lack of interest his students have for Mr fishers passion because there is another shift in focus as Mr fishers perspective changes to the present to a flashforward as now "everything was in black and white ". The phrase, "black and white" indicates the huge dullness and bore books now have as the adjective "boring" is repeated. This "terrible disillusionment" shows Mr fisher to be dispirited as the "magic had run out."
Finally, Mr fisher finds out Tibbets exercise book his tone becomes more optimistic because there "was a spark" and dramatic tension builds up, "his breathing quickened, stopped...He began to sweat." The reader would feel startled because Mr fisher is seen to be very bored and unimpressed from many of his students books but as a "tightening in his diaphragm" and "re-reading every word very slowly and meticulous care" portrays that Mr fisher being excited and emphasising his happiness as "he found himself beginning to smile." This juxtaposition of the characters mood from the beginning highly advocates to the reader Mr fishers "world" as the comparisons is intensified dur to Mr fishers obvious mood change.

I put your essay on Tilf website and below is the answer it gave me:

Paragraphs Feedback
The first paragraph demonstrates an understanding of the narrative technique of shifting focus and perspective. The mention of Mr. Fisher's nostalgia and the use of punctuation to emphasize his feelings are relevant points. However, the explanation could be clearer and more detailed.
The second paragraph effectively identifies the shift in perspective to the present and the use of the phrase 'black and white' to convey Mr. Fisher's disillusionment. The repetition of the adjective 'boring' and the impact on the reader are well noted, but the analysis could be more sophisticated.
The final paragraph highlights the change in Mr. Fisher's emotions upon finding Tibbets' exercise book. The description of his excitement and the use of dramatic tension are relevant. The juxtaposition of his mood is noted, but the explanation could be more detailed and precise.
What Went Well
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the narrative techniques used to depict Mr. Fisher's changing emotions and perspectives. Relevant examples are selected, and there is some use of subject terminology.
Even Better If
The essay would benefit from more detailed and sophisticated analysis of the structural features and their effects. Clearer explanations and more precise use of subject terminology would enhance the response.
Overall Feedback
The essay shows a clear understanding of the narrative techniques used to depict Mr. Fisher's changing emotions and perspectives. Relevant examples are selected, and there is some use of subject terminology. However, the analysis could be more detailed and sophisticated, with clearer explanations and more precise use of subject terminology.
Mark
Score: 6
Level: 3

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