333Mabel
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Hi, firstly English is not my first language, which is why I'm so bad at the subject. I hope everything I say has sense. I have to do my speaking speech next week, and I am seriously terrified. If anyone could help me improve it I would be very grateful, I really don't mind criticism, I would be grateful for anything anyone thinks. Thank you

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.
Let me begin by asking everyone here today a simple question- Have you ever been responsible for the death of an innocent animal? Now, I am sure that for most of you, if not all, you answer has been no, and I wish that I could tell you that you were right. But unfortunately, I cannot. In fact, more than 65% of everyone in this room will at some point be responsible for the death of an animal. If you're anything like me, that fact will probably shock you, and I imagine most of you are probably telling yourselves that I am not speaking to you, that this isn't about you, that you're part of that other 35%. So, let me correct you. Do you remember that crisp packet you threw on the floor because you 'couldn't find a bin'? or the hundreds of plastic bottles you have used and then discarded into the nearby bushes? How about that tin can you carelessly threw into the road? Ladies and Gentlemen, these are your actions that killed these creatures.

Millions of animals die world-wide every year as a result of your rubbish. They consume it, unaware that the salt and vinegar crisp packets are not edible. They become trapped in your tin cans, or twisted up pieces of your plastic with no way to escape. They didn't know that trying to feed their children could kill them, or swimming into a small, safe hiding spot would leave them trapped and starving. They didn't know. But somewhere deep down you did. Tell me honestly Ladies and Gentlemen how many of you have felt that small voice with guilt at the back of your mind as you selfishly threw your rubbish onto the pavement. You knew what you could be causing, but you chose to ignore it. You chose to become one of the millions of people responsible for the forever growing problem of plastic pollution. But the good new is, you can choose to fight for the right cause, choose to save innocent animals, choose to change the world.

Everyone had heard the phrase 'just one person won't make a difference', but imagine if everyone changed just one thing. Imagine if 7 billion small actions were done every day. We wouldnt have small changes anymore, we would be changing the world for the better on a global scale. And yes, one person can only make so much difference, but at least do that. Make a difference in the world, and you never know whose life you may improve.

So don't throw that packaging on the floor, buy a reusable bottle, recycle your waste in a safe, responsible way, and millions of animals that would have lost their lives from 'just one crisp packet' will be saved, because of you. So please Ladies and Gentlemen, before you throw that packet on the floor, stop and think, really think of the consequences of your actions. After all, you don't really want to be responsible for innocent animals dying, do you?

Thank you in advance, and I hope my english makes sense
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CherryMochiCat
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Hey there, I think your speech is brilliant. It's so well written and should really speak to the hearts of your audience, I'm convinced you'll do really well. The only thing I picked up on for improvement is that you have two consecutive sentences starting with 'so' in the last paragraph, as well as lots of mentions of throwing packaging/packets on the floor, again in the last paragraph and quite close together. I would change this to avoid repetition. Perhaps you could shorten the paragraph slightly? I did my speech last year and I was also super nervous. I guess the key is to breathe calmly and settle your mind before you start, and then to make sure you make use of every word you say when it comes to presenting. Try to show how passionate you are about saving the lives of animals, and how important it is that everyone plays their part. Also, project your voice and make sure you are looking at your audience in an engaging way. Your speech is on a really important topic, so what you have to say is highly valuable. Keep that in mind and it should help you speak with confidence. Good luck, I'm sure you'll be amazing!
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manusha.12345
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(Original post by 333Mabel)
Hi, firstly English is not my first language, which is why I'm so bad at the subject. I hope everything I say has sense. I have to do my speaking speech next week, and I am seriously terrified. If anyone could help me improve it I would be very grateful, I really don't mind criticism, I would be grateful for anything anyone thinks. Thank you

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.
Let me begin by asking everyone here today a simple question- Have you ever been responsible for the death of an innocent animal? Now, I am sure that for most of you, if not all, you answer has been no, and I wish that I could tell you that you were right. But unfortunately, I cannot. In fact, more than 65% of everyone in this room will at some point be responsible for the death of an animal. If you're anything like me, that fact will probably shock you, and I imagine most of you are probably telling yourselves that I am not speaking to you, that this isn't about you, that you're part of that other 35%. So, let me correct you. Do you remember that crisp packet you threw on the floor because you 'couldn't find a bin'? or the hundreds of plastic bottles you have used and then discarded into the nearby bushes? How about that tin can you carelessly threw into the road? Ladies and Gentlemen, these are your actions that killed these creatures.

Millions of animals die world-wide every year as a result of your rubbish. They consume it, unaware that the salt and vinegar crisp packets are not edible. They become trapped in your tin cans, or twisted up pieces of your plastic with no way to escape. They didn't know that trying to feed their children could kill them, or swimming into a small, safe hiding spot would leave them trapped and starving. They didn't know. But somewhere deep down you did. Tell me honestly Ladies and Gentlemen how many of you have felt that small voice with guilt at the back of your mind as you selfishly threw your rubbish onto the pavement. You knew what you could be causing, but you chose to ignore it. You chose to become one of the millions of people responsible for the forever growing problem of plastic pollution. But the good new is, you can choose to fight for the right cause, choose to save innocent animals, choose to change the world.

Everyone had heard the phrase 'just one person won't make a difference', but imagine if everyone changed just one thing. Imagine if 7 billion small actions were done every day. We wouldnt have small changes anymore, we would be changing the world for the better on a global scale. And yes, one person can only make so much difference, but at least do that. Make a difference in the world, and you never know whose life you may improve.

So don't throw that packaging on the floor, buy a reusable bottle, recycle your waste in a safe, responsible way, and millions of animals that would have lost their lives from 'just one crisp packet' will be saved, because of you. So please Ladies and Gentlemen, before you throw that packet on the floor, stop and think, really think of the consequences of your actions. After all, you don't really want to be responsible for innocent animals dying, do you?

Thank you in advance, and I hope my english makes sense
Hey Mabel, I tried to improve your work and re-read if you are satisfied with the work now. I would advise let your teacher or someone professional read off your work if you need to.
.......
Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.
Let me begin by asking everyone today a simple question- Have you ever been responsible for the death of an innocent animal? Now, I am sure that for most of you, if not all, your answer must have been no, and I wish that I could tell you that you are right. But unfortunately, I cannot. More than 65% of everyone in this room will be at some point responsible for the death of an animal. If you're anyone like me, that fact probably will shock you, and I imagine most of you are probably telling yourselves that I am not speaking to you. You might be part of the other 35%.
So, let me correct you. Do you remember that crisp packet you threw on the floor because you 'couldn't find a bin?' or the hundreds of plastic bottles you have used and then discarded into the nearby bushes? How about that tin can? You carelessly threw into the road? Ladies and Gentlemen, these are your actions that killed these creatures.

Millions of animals die worldwide every year as a result of your rubbish. They consume it, unaware that the salt and vinegar crisp packets are not edible. They become trapped in your tin cans or twisted up pieces of your plastic with no way to escape. They didn't know that trying to feed their children could kill them, or swimming, a safe hiding spot would leave them trapped and starving. They didn't know. But somewhere deep down you did. Tell me honestly, how many of you have felt that small voice with guilt at the back of your mind as you selfishly threw your rubbish onto the pavement. You knew what you could be causing, but you chose to ignore it. You chose to become one of the millions of people responsible for the forever growing problem of plastic pollution. But the good news is, you can choose to fight for the right cause, choose to save innocent animals, choose to change the world.

Everyone had heard the phrase 'just one person won't make a difference, but imagine if everyone changed just one thing. Imagine if 7 billion small actions were done every day. We wouldn't have small changes anymore. We would be changing the world for the better on a global scale. And yes, one person can only make so much difference. Make a difference in the world, and you never know whose life you may improve.

So don't throw that packaging on the floor, buy a reusable bottle, recycle your waste in a responsible way, and millions of animals that would have lost their lives from 'just one crisp packet' will be saved, because of you. So please Ladies and Gentlemen, before you throw that packet on the floor, stop and think, really think of the consequences of your actions. After all, I am sure you don't really want to be responsible for innocent animals dying, do you?

......
Thanks,
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username5695598
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On the day of the presentation I pasted pictures of gorillas and other animals on a power point and waffled about evolution, but I still ended up with a distinction. So, with your text I can't see how you'll go wrong. Gl
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