The Student Room Group

Extremely worried about a friend help please asap (TW)

I'm worried about a friend. We aren't close or anything but just casual friends. Last year I noticed something to do with her and everyone told me I was being paranoid and I didn't need to worry. The things I noticed were she would mimic cutting her wrists in class with scissors and sharp objects (not actually cutting herself), as well as taking pencil sharpener blades out of pencil sharpeners, wearing long sleeves all the time and constantly having plasters or bandages on her wrist. At first I didn't do anything as I was scared and didn't know what to say but a day later after I spent the whole night thinking about it I decided I was going to tell someone and speak to her. That day I told my tutor I urgently needed to speak with her and she said she would find me in my first lesson. It just so happened my first lesson was the same lesson as my friend, except she wasn't in that day. On the way to lessons I confided in my other friend who was closer to her than me and he said my suspicion was right she was indeed hurting herself as was he, though at the time he promised me he'd stopped but that was a lie to stop me from panicking about him. As said my tutor came and got me out of lesson and I told her everything unable to keep it in, she assured me it was the right thing to do (telling her) as she would help my friend the same way she had helped me. When I was back in class, I broke down and started to cry extremely worried about my friend, relieved I managed to get it all off my chest and scared that if she found out she would hate me. When everyone noticed I'd started to cry they ran over to me and started to hug me and ask what was wrong I said the only thing I could: "I can't tell you I'm sorry. It's something to do with someone else and I don't think they'd want me to tell." The TA took me outside the class to ask me what's wrong but I couldn't tell her so instead she got my tutor out of the class next door to speak with me and when she asked me what was wrong I said I needed to speak to my friend (she'd broken her phone and wasn't getting a new one until christmas) but my tutor only told me not to worry. I don't remember what happened next but I was told she had gone to the doctor to get medication.

Then a few days ago in class I noticed fresh cuts on her wrist bandaged up. I was scared what to say and didn't want anyone else to overhear. Tomorrow I have the same class with her and sit next to her and am unsure whether I should say something to her or not.

What should I do? Im really worried about her. Help please

(sorry its so long)
anyone???????????/ ...........................

please help
You will be able to find information online about how to support someone with mental health issues and/or self harms. Id start with the MIND website to see if they have relevant information.

You sound like a good friend.

However please remember that you are not responsible for her wellbeing, she is.

You dont need to rescue or fix her to be a friend. Being a supportive friend is enough.
Original post by Anonymous
You will be able to find information online about how to support someone with mental health issues and/or self harms. Id start with the MIND website to see if they have relevant information.

You sound like a good friend.

However please remember that you are not responsible for her wellbeing, she is.

You dont need to rescue or fix her to be a friend. Being a supportive friend is enough.

Thanks but honestly I don't need to look at websites and stuff because I actually went through this too so I want to support her the way I was supported. I just wish no one had to do it and just feel responsible for helping everyone get through the bad stuff.
ask her if she's alright, then maybe talk to her parents (if she has a good relationship with them) or just tell your teachers again
Original post by Wannabevetnurse
ask her if she's alright, then maybe talk to her parents (if she has a good relationship with them) or just tell your teachers again

I don't know her parents but I'm good friends with her cousin so maybe I could tell him.
Oh bless, whether or not you do bring it up to them, just make sure you talk to them so they feel like they're not left alone in this situation.
Original post by surfergirl2021
I don't know her parents but I'm good friends with her cousin so maybe I could tell him.

Can I ask, who knows about this situation? I don't know if it's the best telling somebody without them knowing, it could startle them if they find out.

You're already doing so much by looking out for them, I hope you are doing well too :hugs:
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by surfergirl2021
I don't know her parents but I'm good friends with her cousin so maybe I could tell him.

make sure she has a good relationship with them.
Original post by yippy-yikes
Oh bless, whether or not you do bring it up to them, just make sure you talk to them so they feel like they're not left alone in this situation.

Can I ask, who knows about this situation? I don't know if it's the best telling somebody without them knowing, it could startle them if they find out.

You're already doing so much by looking out for them, I hope you are doing well too :hugs:

Our friend knows, my tutor, me, maybe her cousin and possibly her boyfriend but i don't know if they're still together and he doesn't like me anyway
Original post by Wannabevetnurse
make sure she has a good relationship with them.

she's quite close with her cousin because they hang out a lot. They even used to date so are close ig (this was before they knew they were cousins)
Its not your direct responsibility. You are there for them, if approached by them, and you reported their issue to a responsible person.

I think its great what you are prepared to do but are identifying too much with them.

Its their problem to resolve, not yours.
Original post by surfergirl2021
Our friend knows, my tutor, me, maybe her cousin and possibly her boyfriend but i don't know if they're still together and he doesn't like me anyway

Sorry for another question, but they are also getting help now? I believe you mentioned something to do with medication in your post (just making sure I understand).
You say you've been through this too? I have very little experience with this, and all situations are different, but can you remember what sort of thing helped you (e.g. how you opened up to people and if you could help her open up to you?)
Don't try and pressure her into telling you anything (it sounds like you aren't which is good) but just let her know that you're there for her and maybe that you've been through it too, or ask if she's ok just to give her an opportunity to open up

also, I know you said you don't need the website MIND but it is still a useful resource, since you're now involved in the situation from a different perspective and it could give some guidance
Original post by yippy-yikes
Sorry for another question, but they are also getting help now? I believe you mentioned something to do with medication in your post (just making sure I understand).

I think she is, I'm not entirely sure, I was only told this by my friend who is closer to her than I am but he was also the first person to find out but he's also going through similar stuff.
Original post by Anonymous
Its not your direct responsibility. You are there for them, if approached by them, and you reported their issue to a responsible person.

I think its great what you are prepared to do but are identifying too much with them.

Its their problem to resolve, not yours.

I know its not my problem or responsibility but I just feel like I can't do nothing for them because I would hate myself if they did something stupid and there was something I could have done. I also know my situation won't have been the same as theirs but I feel like I kind of understand what its like. But I do get what you mean though I can't solve it for them its up to them but I can be there for them.
Original post by Anonymous
You say you've been through this too? I have very little experience with this, and all situations are different, but can you remember what sort of thing helped you (e.g. how you opened up to people and if you could help her open up to you?)
Don't try and pressure her into telling you anything (it sounds like you aren't which is good) but just let her know that you're there for her and maybe that you've been through it too, or ask if she's ok just to give her an opportunity to open up

also, I know you said you don't need the website MIND but it is still a useful resource, since you're now involved in the situation from a different perspective and it could give some guidance


I think the things that helped me was mainly my friends as they would give me ideas of things to take my mind off it and would just tell me how worried they were about me. In the end though after lying several times, I told my tutor and she was really understanding. But in the end I sort of felt like I just didn't feel like I should have carried on doing it. But that was mainly because I was physically ill at the time and one thing the illness does is make you depressed but then my treatment started to work so I became happier so that's probably why and I only did it two or three times anyway.

I would never pressure into making anyone tell me anything and if I did say something to her it would mainly go along the lines of:
"What happened to your wrist? I hope you're okay and I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything and I'm here for you if you need me." Maybe not the first part idk?
I get your dilemma and the stress you are under. Your friend is utterly responsible for her behaviour. You could make yourself ill with your hypervigilence which is not sustainable.

The first part of 1st Aid, and of Caregiving, anyone in a Safety job, is to put their own health, wellbeing and safety first. When an airplane depressurises, the adult must put on their own mask first, not the child.

You can care and support by being who you naturally are.
Original post by surfergirl2021
I think the things that helped me was mainly my friends as they would give me ideas of things to take my mind off it and would just tell me how worried they were about me. In the end though after lying several times, I told my tutor and she was really understanding. But in the end I sort of felt like I just didn't feel like I should have carried on doing it. But that was mainly because I was physically ill at the time and one thing the illness does is make you depressed but then my treatment started to work so I became happier so that's probably why and I only did it two or three times anyway.

I would never pressure into making anyone tell me anything and if I did say something to her it would mainly go along the lines of:
"What happened to your wrist? I hope you're okay and I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything and I'm here for you if you need me." Maybe not the first part idk?

That sounds good- yeah i think not the first part as she may feel cornered/trapped and might just say its nothing.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you