Relationship advice any help appreciated

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
Ok, so things are weird.
Before anything else I need to talk about myself, I am currently in my first relationship and prior had no experience with anybody. Secondly, due to a medical condition, until I get surgery I physically cannot have sex, it's physically painful and blowjobs and handjobs give little satisfaction.
Ok, so the first time I slept with my girlfriend it was fine. I obviously didn't get much pleasure out of it, but I still enjoyed it. But, apparently after when we were both sleeping I was touching myself without her consent and she felt like it was inappropriate.
Now after 7/8 months she has been getting upset about it saying she feels like it was sa. I apologised for it and tried to support her as it seemed like she had genuine trauma from it. She also mentioned of a time I misread a situation and slapped her during sex. That brought up past trauma with an ex and she was a bit upset about that as well. However, I knew nothing of this and how it would effect her before doing it. Other than those two moments she said there were no other moments which I had caused trauma and that she was both happy and felt safe around me.
However, last week she brought it up again and said she needed some time to consider how she felt. She then blocked me on all social medias and said she'd unblock me in 2-4 weeks. Obviously this has been on my mind for the whole week and is eating me up inside. What should I do?
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ThomH97
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#2
Report 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok, so things are weird.
Before anything else I need to talk about myself, I am currently in my first relationship and prior had no experience with anybody. Secondly, due to a medical condition, until I get surgery I physically cannot have sex, it's physically painful and blowjobs and handjobs give little satisfaction.
Ok, so the first time I slept with my girlfriend it was fine. I obviously didn't get much pleasure out of it, but I still enjoyed it. But, apparently after when we were both sleeping I was touching myself without her consent and she felt like it was inappropriate.
Do you feel you need her consent to masturbate? It is a bit weird and girls typically wouldn't like it but you don't need her consent.
Now after 7/8 months she has been getting upset about it saying she feels like it was sa.
I don't know what 'sa' means, but from the sounds of things you've continued to touch yourself after sex without her consent?
I apologised for it and tried to support her as it seemed like she had genuine trauma from it.
Trauma seems a very strong word. She's probably annoyed you keep doing something she doesn't want you to do?
She also mentioned of a time I misread a situation and slapped her during sex. That brought up past trauma with an ex and she was a bit upset about that as well.
Is she saying these things soon after sex or bringing them up quite a bit later in an argument? It doesn't sound like you slapped her and she immediately freaked out because of it.
However, I knew nothing of this and how it would effect her before doing it.
If it was a genuine mistake then apologise and tell her that. It's then up to her to forgive you or not, and you shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed into things.
Other than those two moments she said there were no other moments which I had caused trauma and that she was both happy and felt safe around me.
Sounds okay.
However, last week she brought it up again and said she needed some time to consider how she felt. She then blocked me on all social medias and said she'd unblock me in 2-4 weeks. Obviously this has been on my mind for the whole week and is eating me up inside. What should I do?
Get rid of her and move on. While she may indeed have past trauma that you may have inadvertently brought up, this all reads like she is manipulating you. To block you on everything yet ask you to wait on her for 2-4 weeks is ridiculous.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by ThomH97)
Do you feel you need her consent to masturbate? It is a bit weird and girls typically wouldn't like it but you don't need her consent.

I don't know what 'sa' means, but from the sounds of things you've continued to touch yourself after sex without her consent?

Trauma seems a very strong word. She's probably annoyed you keep doing something she doesn't want you to do?

Is she saying these things soon after sex or bringing them up quite a bit later in an argument? It doesn't sound like you slapped her and she immediately freaked out because of it.

If it was a genuine mistake then apologise and tell her that. It's then up to her to forgive you or not, and you shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed into things.

Sounds okay.

Get rid of her and move on. While she may indeed have past trauma that you may have inadvertently brought up, this all reads like she is manipulating you. To block you on everything yet ask you to wait on her for 2-4 weeks is ridiculous.
That first night was a few months into our relationship and we both felt quite comfortable with each other. I don't see why she didn't bring it up at the time and ask me to stop and instead brought it up 6 months later. I apologised for both the things I did and even got/made her dinner the next few days.
I hoped that would be enough, but now I'm slowly feeling worse about it all.
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ThomH97
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That first night was a few months into our relationship and we both felt quite comfortable with each other. I don't see why she didn't bring it up at the time and ask me to stop and instead brought it up 6 months later. I apologised for both the things I did and even got/made her dinner the next few days.
I hoped that would be enough, but now I'm slowly feeling worse about it all.
Tbh I think it's emotional blackmail and control she wants. She may have some legitimate issues that she needs to work through, but she's making you feel bad and guilty (I think deliberately) and that isn't at all healthy for you and you don't deserve to be treated like that.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by ThomH97)
Tbh I think it's emotional blackmail and control she wants. She may have some legitimate issues that she needs to work through, but she's making you feel bad and guilty (I think deliberately) and that isn't at all healthy for you and you don't deserve to be treated like that.
Thank you, I still need time to think it over. I think it'll probably be a hard decision in the end. I've been having an awful time recently and her doing this has not helped at all.
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