Muslim advice?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
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Anonymous #2
#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a 20 year old muslim female and a first year university student. I am somewhat practicing. I also suffer from mental conditions like bipolar and anxiety. I want to ask something. I asked on islamic forum on reddit and ummah.com but their answers were too vague and unhelpful .

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a few months, we met on an online dating app. We are both muslim. He is very attractive. Is it haram for me to have a boyfriend or lose virginity? Don't tell me that in islam you get married because I can't I have mental conditions and I don't want kids, marriage and to cook all day. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
Hi! Sexual relations out of wedlock are haram/forbidden. The concept that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is based on that ruling. Being in relationships without panning on being married is often frowned upon given that it can urge sexual acts out of marriage. The same goes for losing your virginity, as you are not allowed to have sex out of marriage. While I completely understand your circumstances, for you not getting married is a personal choice, and even if it wasn’t or you were to get married, the ruling still applies. I hope that helped
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi! Sexual relations out of wedlock are haram/forbidden. The concept that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is based on that ruling. Being in relationships without panning on being married is often frowned upon given that it can urge sexual acts out of marriage. The same goes for losing your virginity, as you are not allowed to have sex out of marriage. While I completely understand your circumstances, for you not getting married is a personal choice, and even if it wasn’t or you were to get married, the ruling still applies. I hope that helped
It really isn't a personal choice. It is nearly impossible for me to get married. No one would marry me anyway. I might look fine but if they know I have bipolar, anxiety and tiredness, they would look for another girl who is healthy and can cook well.

I have a boyfriend out of necessity, not choice. I love him and even if it doesn't end in marriage, then we had a good time together.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)

I have a boyfriend out of necessity, not choice.
What's the necessity? I have mental health issues and don't see myself getting married but I don't really see why a relationship without marriage is any different.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What's the necessity? I have mental health issues and don't see myself getting married but I don't really see why a relationship without marriage is any different.
No a relationship without marriage is easier. I still live with my parents. But with marriage, they live with the husband and see each other everyday. Not to mention, most guys want frequent sex, kids and you to cook food and clean the house. His family, mother and sisters backchat, gossip and treat you badly especially when you have some issues.

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex but we have romance and even if we do have sex, well at least it won't be often. Plus he treats me better than a husband would, he compliments my looks and I dress up in attractive outfits for him. I don't understand why boyfriend and girlfriend is haram in 2021 marriage is not realistic, especially for those with financial worries or mental health issues.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It really isn't a personal choice. It is nearly impossible for me to get married. No one would marry me anyway. I might look fine but if they know I have bipolar, anxiety and tiredness, they would look for another girl who is healthy and can cook well.

I have a boyfriend out of necessity, not choice. I love him and even if it doesn't end in marriage, then we had a good time together.
I understand, and maybe your circumstances are different. But I have friends whose parents and siblings have been diagnosed with health issues yet still got married or engaged. Maybe in your culture it’s different not everyone will expect the same out of you. Not all men will have the same expectations from you as a wife, unless that’s what your current boyfriend expects.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand, and maybe your circumstances are different. But I have friends whose parents and siblings have been diagnosed with health issues yet still got married or engaged. Maybe in your culture it’s different not everyone will expect the same out of you. Not all men will have the same expectations from you as a wife, unless that’s what your current boyfriend expects.
Are you pakistani? I am arab by the way.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Are you pakistani? I am arab by the way.
No I am arab as well.
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No a relationship without marriage is easier. I still live with my parents. But with marriage, they live with the husband and see each other everyday. Not to mention, most guys want frequent sex, kids and you to cook food and clean the house. His family, mother and sisters backchat, gossip and treat you badly especially when you have some issues.

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex but we have romance and even if we do have sex, well at least it won't be often. Plus he treats me better than a husband would, he compliments my looks and I dress up in attractive outfits for him. I don't understand why boyfriend and girlfriend is haram in 2021 marriage is not realistic, especially for those with financial worries or mental health issues.
Well all of that is irrelvent from an islamic prespective your not meant to be even kissing tbh and u asked about islam so no physicaly contact is forbidden

plus if he treats you so well as a bf then Im sure he'd treat you aswell as an husband and if he rlly knows you he'll understand

plus he can help you overcome your issues
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand, and maybe your circumstances are different. But I have friends whose parents and siblings have been diagnosed with health issues yet still got married or engaged. Maybe in your culture it’s different not everyone will expect the same out of you. Not all men will have the same expectations from you as a wife, unless that’s what your current boyfriend expects.
(Original post by Anonymous)
No I am arab as well.
I am going to be honest. arab guys are tough and arab women are in plentiful supply and there are many pretty arab girls so desperate for marriage (many are divorced or young girls) so yeah it isnt easy as an arab girl.

I don't see the difference it's easier for me and him too. I doubt in islam allah cares if you have relationships or not. In fact
marriage =boyfriend/girlfriend , if you remove the mahar and nikkah.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No a relationship without marriage is easier. I still live with my parents. But with marriage, they live with the husband and see each other everyday. Not to mention, most guys want frequent sex, kids and you to cook food and clean the house. His family, mother and sisters backchat, gossip and treat you badly especially when you have some issues.

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex but we have romance and even if we do have sex, well at least it won't be often. Plus he treats me better than a husband would, he compliments my looks and I dress up in attractive outfits for him. I don't understand why boyfriend and girlfriend is haram in 2021 marriage is not realistic, especially for those with financial worries or mental health issues.
Have you not considered marrying him then? Religion has been made so that it can be applied across any time period. There’s a huge difference between cultural expectations and religious expectation. From what I understand, most of your worries about marriage are based on cultural expectations rather than religious ones, so try not to condemn religion because of something of cultural influence, you know? As for the expectation of marriage, many people in rural areas with barely any money still get married. If they are not able to financially support having kids then they shouldn’t have them. Whether you agree with the concept of marriage or not, that completely up to you
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am going to be honest. arab guys are tough and arab women are in plentiful supply and there are many pretty arab girls so desperate for marriage (many are divorced or young girls) so yeah it isnt easy as an arab girl.

I don't see the difference it's easier for me and him too. I doubt in islam allah cares if you have relationships or not. In fact
marriage =boyfriend/girlfriend , if you remove the mahar and nikkah.
I apologise but I’ll have to disagree with that. Your basing your opinions on marriage on the idealism of culture. God wouldn’t create marriage if he didn’t believe that it was in the best interest of those practicing islam. In the eyes of god, you are sinning with the knowledge that what you’re doing is haram. It is adviced that you are married for your sake, rather than the sake of others, in the case that you’d like to participate it sexual acts.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by the_pharaoh)
Well all of that is irrelvent from an islamic prespective your not meant to be even kissing tbh and u asked about islam so no physicaly contact is forbidden

plus if he treats you so well as a bf then Im sure he'd treat you aswell as an husband and if he rlly knows you he'll understand

plus he can help you overcome your issues
He doesn't have that much money for a wedding, plus both our parents don't know. I imagine if they knew, they would not support it.

I know it is haram but I am just explaining that sometimes muslims like me do haram but we want to be good muslims but can't be because of circumstances. This is why so many have boyfriends and girlfriends.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No a relationship without marriage is easier. I still live with my parents. But with marriage, they live with the husband and see each other everyday. Not to mention, most guys want frequent sex, kids and you to cook food and clean the house. His family, mother and sisters backchat, gossip and treat you badly especially when you have some issues.

Me and my boyfriend haven't had sex but we have romance and even if we do have sex, well at least it won't be often. Plus he treats me better than a husband would, he compliments my looks and I dress up in attractive outfits for him. I don't understand why boyfriend and girlfriend is haram in 2021 marriage is not realistic, especially for those with financial worries or mental health issues.
Your boyfriend is still a guy and there is no reason why he would want to have less sex just because you are not married. Your views on this sound a little naive, tbh.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Your boyfriend is still a guy and there is no reason why he would want to have less sex just because you are not married. Your views on this sound a little naive, tbh.
We don't live together that's why.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I apologise but I’ll have to disagree with that. Your basing your opinions on marriage on the idealism of culture. God wouldn’t create marriage if he didn’t believe that it was in the best interest of those practicing islam. In the eyes of god, you are sinning with the knowledge that what you’re doing is haram. It is adviced that you are married for your sake, rather than the sake of others, in the case that you’d like to participate it sexual acts.
How old are you? It is easy for someone who is 12 or 13 to tell me this and that is haram. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you speaking to anyone?
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have that much money for a wedding, plus both our parents don't know. I imagine if they knew, they would not support it.

I know it is haram but I am just explaining that sometimes muslims like me do haram but we want to be good muslims but can't be because of circumstances. This is why so many have boyfriends and girlfriends.
Ok then dont get married now but also dont do anything


Your circumstances can't be used excuse altho if u do overcome these circumstances you will get a bigger ajr. That's like saying the circumstance is Im feeling horny and lonely so Ill have sex before marriage
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have that much money for a wedding, plus both our parents don't know. I imagine if they knew, they would not support it.

I know it is haram but I am just explaining that sometimes muslims like me do haram but we want to be good muslims but can't be because of circumstances. This is why so many have boyfriends and girlfriends.
Every decision you make is in your hands. Whether you accept our advice or not then that’s your choice.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn't have that much money for a wedding, plus both our parents don't know. I imagine if they knew, they would not support it.

I know it is haram but I am just explaining that sometimes muslims like me do haram but we want to be good muslims but can't be because of circumstances. This is why so many have boyfriends and girlfriends.
How long are you planning to stay on this secret relationship for? People will find out eventually. And eventually, he may well want to get married and have kids. How do you plan on this working in the long term?

Your situation is not an excuse for doing haram things - you could very easily just not be in a relationship.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We don't live together that's why.
Lack of opportunity is not the same as lack of desire
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