Mum won’t let me move away for uni

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Bumblebee200
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Hello! I’ve got a bit of an issue

I got AAABB in my highers and have an A so far in my HND legal services course in college (which I started because I left school at 16 and didn’t want to go to uni so young)

This is pretty good and would put me in a great position for whatever uni I want to go to.
I live in Glasgow and so my mum has always said that I have to go to a uni here so I don’t move out. She now says it’s for money reasons as well as the fact that she somehow knows that I wouldn’t do well socially???

Basically I want to go to Edinburgh uni, for the experience of living away, but she absolutely refuses and says that we can’t afford it. I still have another year of my college course left in which I’m getting a job.

I don’t know what to do? There’s absolutely no convincing her as she gets absolutely raging whenever I bring it up. I’ll be 18 soon and nearly 19 when I move. I don’t want to bring up the whole “I’ll be 18 so you can’t stop me” thing,
because realistically I might need help with money as the SAAS loan won’t likely cover it all
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AHKS
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(Original post by Bumblebee200)
Hello! I’ve got a bit of an issue

I got AAABB in my highers and have an A so far in my HND legal services course in college (which I started because I left school at 16 and didn’t want to go to uni so young)

This is pretty good and would put me in a great position for whatever uni I want to go to.
I live in Glasgow and so my mum has always said that I have to go to a uni here so I don’t move out. She now says it’s for money reasons as well as the fact that she somehow knows that I wouldn’t do well socially???

Basically I want to go to Edinburgh uni, for the experience of living away, but she absolutely refuses and says that we can’t afford it. I still have another year of my college course left in which I’m getting a job.

I don’t know what to do? There’s absolutely no convincing her as she gets absolutely raging whenever I bring it up. I’ll be 18 soon and nearly 19 when I move. I don’t want to bring up the whole “I’ll be 18 so you can’t stop me” thing,
because realistically I might need help with money as the SAAS loan won’t likely cover it all
Unfortunately there is no easy way out of this situation, and I expect you are going to have to decide to either give up what you want to please her, or accept she isn't going to be in agreement but you need to do what is best for you. Yes, money will be tight but you can get a part-time job and there are hardship funds available too. Is there another member of the family or close friend that you could talk to to see if they would help you show your mum how much you want her to understand your choice? You at least have another year to keep working at it. Do you think it's possible it is more about her than you and actually she is scared if you go away she will be left on her own - perhaps try reassuring her you will still be in regular contact and just a phone call away.
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Kerzen
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Have you applied to Edinburgh already?

Which course are you hoping to do?
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Bumblebee200
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(Original post by AHKS)
Unfortunately there is no easy way out of this situation, and I expect you are going to have to decide to either give up what you want to please her, or accept she isn't going to be in agreement but you need to do what is best for you. Yes, money will be tight but you can get a part-time job and there are hardship funds available too. Is there another member of the family or close friend that you could talk to to see if they would help you show your mum how much you want her to understand your choice? You at least have another year to keep working at it. Do you think it's possible it is more about her than you and actually she is scared if you go away she will be left on her own - perhaps try reassuring her you will still be in regular contact and just a phone call away.
Thanks for replying! My dad is also here, as well as my little sister so she wouldn’t be alone but my dad used to work off shore until very recently so she has always relied on me as the eldest child. I understand it but my dad is home now and she has my sister. She won’t admit that it’s because she doesn’t want me to go, she comes up with a bunch of reasons but recently she’s been adamant that it’s the money aspect

I’ve spoken to my dad about it an hour ago and asked him to be honest with me on whether or not money was the real issue my mum had with me leaving for uni. I know that it will be tight but there is no way that that is the entire reason, because she gets so angry whenever I bring up. Again he spoke about that financial aspect a bit but also how they worry about my social life because I’m shy. I have said multiple times that if I stayed at home it would be more difficult for me to make friends because I wouldn’t be living in halls with students etc. He said we would all talk about it together, because he was much calmer and actually listened to me when I explained how I felt, whereas my mum just gets angry and shouts lmao.

I heard him bring it up to my mum whilst I was having dinner and she just got angry and started yelling and getting mad, and I wasn’t even the one who brought it up with her. I don’t think there’s any reasoning with her, but again if I just say that I’ll be 18 and she can’t actually stop me, she technically can because she can refuse to help or not give me the small amount savings I have in an account she set up
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Bumblebee200
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(Original post by Kerzen)
Have you applied to Edinburgh already?

Which course are you hoping to do?
I’ve not applied anywhere yet, I’ll be going to uni in 2022. I’d be doing the LLB law course no matter what uni I end up in
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AHKS
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(Original post by Bumblebee200)
Thanks for replying! My dad is also here, as well as my little sister so she wouldn’t be alone but my dad used to work off shore until very recently so she has always relied on me as the eldest child. I understand it but my dad is home now and she has my sister. She won’t admit that it’s because she doesn’t want me to go, she comes up with a bunch of reasons but recently she’s been adamant that it’s the money aspect

I’ve spoken to my dad about it an hour ago and asked him to be honest with me on whether or not money was the real issue my mum had with me leaving for uni. I know that it will be tight but there is no way that that is the entire reason, because she gets so angry whenever I bring up. Again he spoke about that financial aspect a bit but also how they worry about my social life because I’m shy. I have said multiple times that if I stayed at home it would be more difficult for me to make friends because I wouldn’t be living in halls with students etc. He said we would all talk about it together, because he was much calmer and actually listened to me when I explained how I felt, whereas my mum just gets angry and shouts lmao.

I heard him bring it up to my mum whilst I was having dinner and she just got angry and started yelling and getting mad, and I wasn’t even the one who brought it up with her. I don’t think there’s any reasoning with her, but again if I just say that I’ll be 18 and she can’t actually stop me, she technically can because she can refuse to help or not give me the small amount savings I have in an account she set up
I'm glad it sounds like your Dad will help you try and reason with your mum. It doesn't have to be done overnight if you are not going anywhere this year. It may be worth raising the issue that you might not get an offer from Glasgow anyway too (I am sure you will,but won't hurt to make her think what she could say to that - would she expect you to give u the idea of uni?). I think you need to be strong and tell both of your parents that you do not need or want them judging your ability to make friends, and that the way they are suggesting you can't is hurtful and damaging - do not believe them under any circumstances because there is such a range of different types of people at uni you will find your crowd. Finally, don't let money be the reason you go along with her wishes, there are options for financial support. Good luck stay 💪 strong.
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Kerzen
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The accommodation in Edinburgh looks fine and I think that you would be happy there.

https://www.accom.ed.ac.uk/for-stude...accommodation/

I would imagine that your funding from Student Finance would cover you.

Go to Edinburgh, if that is what you want.
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doley789
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Id run as far away as I could. Sounds toxic and controlling. If you get max loan you will be fine.
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jonathanemptage
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I’d go you might need to make your own way there sneak out in the morning leaving a note saying you ‘be gone to university.

I’ll post the nuclear option later on (it’s quite long and I’m on my I pad right now.) but it is a last resort only after all other options have been exhausted.

Ok on a PC now. here is the nuclear option

1/ Set up a PO box UCAS will send you a lot of post and a you are going to apply to where you want and you don't want your parents (Mum) to know use the PO box. Fill in any forms in the library (at collage/school or your local one) then post them as soon as you've done them.

2/ you'll need to get a BIG hold all and place to hide it (at a friends house or a storage lockup or something).

3/ Get a job a bit of money will make this so much easier.

4/ Sort out student finance get your parents to sign it before you put in your details like if your living out and where you're going for obvious reasons otherwise apply an an independent.

5/ Once you'e applied start moving over clothes and things to your hold all.

6/ Get a cheap pay as you go sim card you'll need this later.

7/ On the last day set up a back pack with phone chargers and the like and write a letter saying

"Dear Mum and Dad,
I've got to uni (Don't say were I know you'll be a angry I've done it this way but you left me no choice I love you all.
lots of love see you at Christmas
your name

PS I have blocked your number on my phone I have another sim card which I will call you on at about 7 pm.

also make sure you can get your hold all easily maybe hide it in your shed or something..

8/ On the morning that you leave get up really early leave the letter where your parents will find it block their number on the phone and sneak out before they wake up then get the earliest train you can to your uni city.

9/ You probably won't be able to move in right away on move in weekend so you'll need to leave the big hold all at left luggage or see if the halls will let you leave it there until you can move in. in the mean time go to Ikea or somewhere where get your self some bed clothes and things. (If you left anything you might need like a tooth brush buy those items too) maybe do a food shop too.

10/ Once you can get in your room set up your room with the door open to chat to other people as they move in and set up your new sim card to display withheld number when you use it.

11/ At 7pm put in your new sim card phone your parents tell them your safe happy and how nic e your halls are anything really if they start shouting begging crying or threatening to kill themselves just hang up they won't kill or hurt themselves it's called emotional black mail it's all lies.

12/ Go out and be a student have fun it's a wild ride .

it's all worth your while getting control of that savings account you could tell your mum you want to put the money in to you student bank account for uni she should agree to that.

You might need a job down there luckily loads of places hire student s for thing like Bar work or shop work do not let your employment interfere with your studies.

so that's the Nuclear Option I know it's long and I know it a bit drastic but as I say it's a last last last resort good luck in Edinburgh.
Last edited by jonathanemptage; 1 week ago
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