Is it wrong if the guy i'm dating says another girl is more attractive?

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Geeg08
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I recently went out on a date with this guy I've veen seeing for 2 months now, and I caught him looking at the girls that came to the table near us. He was doing it non stop and it kind of put me in down. On the way home I asked him why he was looking and he said he was observing the people around him. But then I asked did u like her? And he said, no but she is fit and attractive. I frowned at him,and so he carried on explaining. I then asked well am I pretty? And he hesitated and said yes but not as much as them. He then starting talking about how better I'd be if I started the gym and started comparing everything from my clothes and makeup to how they were looking. He said he likes my personality more than them girls but it would be nice for him show off a girl with big tits and a skinny vody to his friends but with my personality. He said if he had to choose between a pretty girl and me for my personality he'd choose me. Im really not sure what to think about this.
I told him I felt disrespected the next day and he couldn't see why. He said if he didn't tell me how fit a girl was he'd feel like he'd be lying to me. He I shouldn't be upset because I don't look like a model. He then said that if i compared him to other guys he wouldn't mind because he knows he isn't as good looking as a model himself. What should I do?
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Jolhihilhil
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Honestly, it kinda sounds like he might be on the autism scale. Not saying for sure, but it does sound like that a bit. You have every right to be upset at what he said. It's a very hurtful and somewhat offensive viewpoint. The culture surrounding women's looks is a very different one to that surrounding men's. There's a lot more pressure on women to look a certain way, and I think it might help of you explained that to him. I think if you want to continue your relationship you need to make him understand your point of view.
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Geeg08
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(Original post by Jolhihilhil)
Honestly, it kinda sounds like he might be on the autism scale. Not saying for sure, but it does sound like that a bit. You have every right to be upset at what he said. It's a very hurtful and somewhat offensive viewpoint. The culture surrounding women's looks is a very different one to that surrounding men's. There's a lot more pressure on women to look a certain way, and I think it might help of you explained that to him. I think if you want to continue your relationship you need to make him understand your point of view.
Thank you 😊
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Trinculo
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Honesty is so important in a relationship.
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AliceSwann
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'To show off the girl' no you are not in a relationship to show off your spouse to others, they aren't your possessions. If anything I think he's either unintentionally objectifying women, or manipulating you into thinking you're not good enough for him.
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PrettymuchGod
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There's no right answer just depends on how you feel about it. On one hand, he's honest at least, on the other hand, do you really want your partner to be honest with you about everything all the time.
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George of Lydda
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Honesty is the best policy. Of course, it would matter if your bf said another girl was attractive.
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ashtolga23
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Not gonna lie I'd be devastated. It's just not something that needs to be said.
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YaliaV123
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Other people are saying he was honest, but I think he was a bit nasty and that would be a massive red flag.
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CaptainDuckie
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I’d say it’s wrong. Honesty or not.
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AliceSwann
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
Other people are saying he was honest, but I think he was a bit nasty and that would be a massive red flag.
Agreed. This guy seems toxic.
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Anonymous #1
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He can be honest but you can also not be okay with the truth. Just because he was honest doesn’t mean the truth is not disrespectful or unnecessary.

You have explained why you felt disrespected (rightfully so), and he chose to dismiss your feelings. It’s up to you whether you want to continue with the relationship, but you definitely should sit him down and actually let him know that kind of viewpoint and attitude is not acceptable to you. If he’s not able to respect that then why are you still with him?

It’s fine to find other people good looking, it’s not fine to openly gawk at others, especially in front of your partner who is not happy about it. It’s not fine to compare their looks and explain why they are less attractive. It’s certainly not fine to dismiss their feelings when they talk to you about it.
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Celtic Conjurer
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Being honest doesn't mean you have to tell your partner every little thing that comes into your head. And it's just common sense that thoughts about someone else being more attractive are something you just keep to yourself.
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Steve H
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You can be honest without being an a-hole. When you told him you felt disrespected, he should have accepted that; instead, he doubled down. Assuming you're young, he might learn to be more tactful with maturity.

Maybe see how he really reacts if you compared him to other guys..
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KeepingUpWKate
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(Original post by Geeg08)
I recently went out on a date with this guy I've veen seeing for 2 months now, and I caught him looking at the girls that came to the table near us. He was doing it non stop and it kind of put me in down. On the way home I asked him why he was looking and he said he was observing the people around him. But then I asked did u like her? And he said, no but she is fit and attractive. I frowned at him,and so he carried on explaining. I then asked well am I pretty? And he hesitated and said yes but not as much as them. He then starting talking about how better I'd be if I started the gym and started comparing everything from my clothes and makeup to how they were looking. He said he likes my personality more than them girls but it would be nice for him show off a girl with big tits and a skinny vody to his friends but with my personality. He said if he had to choose between a pretty girl and me for my personality he'd choose me. Im really not sure what to think about this.
I told him I felt disrespected the next day and he couldn't see why. He said if he didn't tell me how fit a girl was he'd feel like he'd be lying to me. He I shouldn't be upset because I don't look like a model. He then said that if i compared him to other guys he wouldn't mind because he knows he isn't as good looking as a model himself. What should I do?
I mean, if a guy said that to me I'd straight up tell him where to go. I would steer clear of someone who acted that way, especially if you're meant to be in a relationship.
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ShybutHi
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Either the guy is actually in fact on the autism scale and he doesn't understand how certain things shouldn't be said because they can easily hurt somebody's feelings...

Or he is a complete *******...

Or both.
Last edited by ShybutHi; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #2
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If this is happening two months in you should definitely consider whether this relationship is good for you. As others have mentioned, they might be on the autism spectrum and have a poor social understanding of how things should work in relationships etc, but they could also just be someone who is narcissistic. The comments about wanting to 'show you off' to friends definitely make me think it might be the latter. Overall, this is definitely a big red flag. Even worse that they couldn't understand why you felt disrespected. I'd keep an eye out for any other red flags but also wouldn't want to stay long enough to find out...been there and it ended really badly.
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Geeg08
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Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate it 😊 I have ended the relationship because I feel like I deserve better.
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Steve H
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(Original post by Geeg08)
I feel like I deserve better.
Definitely! Good luck.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Geeg08)I recently went out on a date with this guy I've veen seeing for 2 months now, and I caught him looking at the girls that came to the table near us. He was doing it non stop and it kind of put me in down. On the way home I asked him why he was looking and he said he was observing the people around him. But then I asked did u like her? And he said, no but she is fit and attractive. I frowned at him,and so he carried on explaining. I then asked well am I pretty? And he hesitated and said yes but not as much as them. He then starting talking about how better I'd be if I started the gym and started comparing everything from my clothes and makeup to how they were looking. He said he likes my personality more than them girls but it would be nice for him show off a girl with big tits and a skinny vody to his friends but with my personality. He said if he had to choose between a pretty girl and me for my personality he'd choose me. Im really not sure what to think about this.
I told him I felt disrespected the next day and he couldn't see why. He said if he didn't tell me how fit a girl was he'd feel like he'd be lying to me. He I shouldn't be upset because I don't look like a model. He then said that if i compared him to other guys he wouldn't mind because he knows he isn't as good looking as a model himself. What should I do?

It's not neccesarily wrong but you need to know your worth and realise that you deserve better than that, your bf should be so in love with you that your all he wants, especially if you guys have only been together for two months, if hes looking at other girls it wont last!!!!
(Original post by Geeg08)
I recently went out on a date with this guy I've veen seeing for 2 months now, and I caught him looking at the girls that came to the table near us. He was doing it non stop and it kind of put me in down. On the way home I asked him why he was looking and he said he was observing the people around him. But then I asked did u like her? And he said, no but she is fit and attractive. I frowned at him,and so he carried on explaining. I then asked well am I pretty? And he hesitated and said yes but not as much as them. He then starting talking about how better I'd be if I started the gym and started comparing everything from my clothes and makeup to how they were looking. He said he likes my personality more than them girls but it would be nice for him show off a girl with big tits and a skinny vody to his friends but with my personality. He said if he had to choose between a pretty girl and me for my personality he'd choose me. Im really not sure what to think about this.
I told him I felt disrespected the next day and he couldn't see why. He said if he didn't tell me how fit a girl was he'd feel like he'd be lying to me. He I shouldn't be upset because I don't look like a model. He then said that if i compared him to other guys he wouldn't mind because he knows he isn't as good looking as a model himself. What should I do?
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