BF made me insecure about my small breasts.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
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Hiya! I've been with my partner for a few months. Here's some background;

Growing up, I was never confident in my breasts (34B) as the women in my life were much larger in chest-size. It took me about 3-4 years to come to terms with my body and accept it. I even started to like my breasts and appreciate them.

Cue meeting and dating my BF; things have overall been fine. However, he's always made jokes about my small breasts. At first it was fine, because it was occasional and I'd laugh it off. Then it became repetitive and targeting- he'd make jokes like "where are your boobs" and whatnot- I spoke to him recently and asked him to stop. He was incredibly apologetic and hasn't made the jokes since (it's been about a week), but the damage is done.

I feel unattractive to my partner, to the point where I refuse his attempts at instigating sex. I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I'm afraid of showing my body or him reaching for my breasts. I hate my body more than I did originally. I don't want him touching or looking at my boobs.

He's also somewhat uncomfortable now that I'm dressing in bralettes (it's summer and they're a fashion statement) - and I'm doing so even more to try and build my confidence back up. He hasn't made me feel bad or try to stop me from doing this, he just doesn't like it, but he's overall quiet and accepting of it.

TLDR; BF made small boob jokes to me too many times, I asked him to stop when it got too much, which he did, but the damage is done. Don't want him to touch or look at my boobs anymore. Too insecure for sex.
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hiya! I've been with my partner for a few months. Here's some background;

Growing up, I was never confident in my breasts (34B) as the women in my life were much larger in chest-size. It took me about 3-4 years to come to terms with my body and accept it. I even started to like my breasts and appreciate them.

Cue meeting and dating my BF; things have overall been fine. However, he's always made jokes about my small breasts. At first it was fine, because it was occasional and I'd laugh it off. Then it became repetitive and targeting- he'd make jokes like "where are your boobs" and whatnot- I spoke to him recently and asked him to stop. He was incredibly apologetic and hasn't made the jokes since (it's been about a week), but the damage is done.

I feel unattractive to my partner, to the point where I refuse his attempts at instigating sex. I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I'm afraid of showing my body or him reaching for my breasts. I hate my body more than I did originally. I don't want him touching or looking at my boobs.

He's also somewhat uncomfortable now that I'm dressing in bralettes (it's summer and they're a fashion statement) - and I'm doing so even more to try and build my confidence back up. He hasn't made me feel bad or try to stop me from doing this, he just doesn't like it, but he's overall quiet and accepting of it.

TLDR; BF made small boob jokes to me too many times, I asked him to stop when it got too much, which he did, but the damage is done. Don't want him to touch or look at my boobs anymore. Too insecure for sex.
you can't blame the guy he made jokes and when you told him to stop he did what else do you want?
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EU Yakov
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have you spoken to him about how you feel now. have you explained why you're refusing to initiate etc. this sounds like a pretty serious issue. (also, speaking as a guy, while his behaviour was/is off bounds, he may not fully appreciate just how bad you feel and all of the history and your past issues, even if he has apologised)

also maybe give it time? you might feel better about yourself if a few weeks pass and you go out wearing what you want and generally feeling good about yourself. if you're sitting inside all day feeling insecure with nothing to do the general lack of confidence can get to you and blow **** out of proportion. sometimes a change of scenery and a chance to show ourselves off is what we need.
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Anonymous #1
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Hi the_pharaoh - I believe you misunderstood this post, apologies. I'm not asking for advice with what to do with my BF since that's already been dealt with. I'm more so asking for advice and ways to build up esteem and confidence in my breasts/body again so I can go back to having a normal relationship with him. Thanks for your help though. (:

EU Yakov - Oh, yeah he knows. We were showering and I brought it up, and I explained the history behind my insecurity and how bad it hurt. My fella's quite insecure about his **** size since he just about reaches 6in, so I basically told him, "it's kinda like if I constantly poked at your **** size", and he seemed to understand. (Don't worry, I didn't make a small **** joke or something as petty as that, I just made that comparison so he understood it better and from a male perspective rather than a female one, since boobs aren't on his list of insecurities lmao). While he may not fully appreciate just how upset I am, he does seem apologetic.

What annoys me though is how he keeps trying to instigate. He said that he likes my boobs and that they're "perfect for me [him]" but to me, that just felt like he was saying it out of obligation to try and make me feel better- which I appreciate, but it just made me feel worse. But I am hoping that time, and dressing in clothes I like, will tone down this insecurity enough in a few weeks.

I'm not entirely blaming him, but it's like -- despite him never fully saying his **** size is an insecurity, I know that media perpetuates a big **** stereotype, so I know not to make penis jokes around him, out of consideration. Kinda wish he had that foresight, but I'm glad he's at least stopped.

I just feel really, really unattractive and not feminine. It's different when it's your partner that makes you feel this way.
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi the_pharaoh - I believe you misunderstood this post, apologies. I'm not asking for advice with what to do with my BF since that's already been dealt with. I'm more so asking for advice and ways to build up esteem and confidence in my breasts/body again so I can go back to having a normal relationship with him. Thanks for your help though. (:
Oh yes my bad sorry

well you just have to accept it, accept the fact that they are small and it isn't ur fault neither can you do anything about it and accept that they aren't a bad thing or abnormal especially for guys they genrally don't care about ur breast size including ur BF
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ashtolga23
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(Original post by the_pharaoh)
you can't blame the guy he made jokes and when you told him to stop he did what else do you want?
She never even said anything bad, although I would probably say he shouldn't have been so persistent with those jokes in the first place.
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EU Yakov
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi the_pharaoh - I believe you misunderstood this post, apologies. I'm not asking for advice with what to do with my BF since that's already been dealt with. I'm more so asking for advice and ways to build up esteem and confidence in my breasts/body again so I can go back to having a normal relationship with him. Thanks for your help though. (:

EU Yakov - Oh, yeah he knows. We were showering and I brought it up, and I explained the history behind my insecurity and how bad it hurt. My fella's quite insecure about his **** size since he just about reaches 6in, so I basically told him, "it's kinda like if I constantly poked at your **** size", and he seemed to understand. (Don't worry, I didn't make a small **** joke or something as petty as that, I just made that comparison so he understood it better and from a male perspective rather than a female one, since boobs aren't on his list of insecurities lmao). While he may not fully appreciate just how upset I am, he does seem apologetic.

What annoys me though is how he keeps trying to instigate. He said that he likes my boobs and that they're "perfect for me [him]" but to me, that just felt like he was saying it out of obligation to try and make me feel better- which I appreciate, but it just made me feel worse. But I am hoping that time, and dressing in clothes I like, will tone down this insecurity enough in a few weeks.

I'm not entirely blaming him, but it's like -- despite him never fully saying his **** size is an insecurity, I know that media perpetuates a big **** stereotype, so I know not to make penis jokes around him, out of consideration. Kinda wish he had that foresight, but I'm glad he's at least stopped.

I just feel really, really unattractive and not feminine. It's different when it's your partner that makes you feel this way.
this makes total sense. and it's good that you made the male comparision. sometimes men (and women) don't get what the other sex feels like when it comes to insecurities. and women have more of them.

i think that you should give it time honestly. maybe even try to do something that would make you feel more feminine. i'm not a woman so I don't have any suggestions but planning some kind of beauty thing or buying clothes you think you'd look good in or planning a night out or something idk. anything to get that confidence back. also keep in mind that even if something seems enormously important now, it will blow over in time, esp as new life issues come up. a degree of patience and resilience is required imo
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
She never even said anything bad, although I would probably say he shouldn't have been so persistent with those jokes in the first place.
It was a misunderstanding chill

nah regardless persistent or not no difference
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My fella's quite insecure about his **** size since he just about reaches 6in, so I basically told him, "it's kinda like if I constantly poked at your **** size"
Not to get off-topic here, but 6" is above average by quite a bit. So they're not really comparable.
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Anonymous #1
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Ahh yeah- ashtolga23 - don't worry, Pharaoh just misunderstood the post- I should've made it clearer. Don't worry, no offence was taken. (:

Also, thanks for the advice. Honestly it just really hurts because that's my partner - if it was a friend or a stranger or a family member, I wouldn't have cared. But when your partner is the one to knock you down on something you worked really hard to accept, it's detrimental.

Also Theloniouss he just barely reaches 6" -- and even then he's still very insecure about it, so I brought it up as less of a "small pp" and more of a "what if I made fun of something you were insecure about" to kinda narrate the point in his perspective. I don't have an issue with his size -

But it was the repetition of the small boobs joke that makes me feel like he's not happy with my size or me. He said otherwise but I honestly don't believe him. I'm just hoping summer clothes and whatnot will make me feel a bit better.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by the_pharaoh)
It was a misunderstanding chill

nah regardless persistent or not no difference
I think if you’re constantly picking on someone about a part of their body that they can’t change it’s no longer a joke. Why do you think it’s ok to be persistent about making fun of her insecurity?...
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hiya! I've been with my partner for a few months. Here's some background;

Growing up, I was never confident in my breasts (34B) as the women in my life were much larger in chest-size. It took me about 3-4 years to come to terms with my body and accept it. I even started to like my breasts and appreciate them.

Cue meeting and dating my BF; things have overall been fine. However, he's always made jokes about my small breasts. At first it was fine, because it was occasional and I'd laugh it off. Then it became repetitive and targeting- he'd make jokes like "where are your boobs" and whatnot- I spoke to him recently and asked him to stop. He was incredibly apologetic and hasn't made the jokes since (it's been about a week), but the damage is done.

I feel unattractive to my partner, to the point where I refuse his attempts at instigating sex. I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I'm afraid of showing my body or him reaching for my breasts. I hate my body more than I did originally. I don't want him touching or looking at my boobs.

He's also somewhat uncomfortable now that I'm dressing in bralettes (it's summer and they're a fashion statement) - and I'm doing so even more to try and build my confidence back up. He hasn't made me feel bad or try to stop me from doing this, he just doesn't like it, but he's overall quiet and accepting of it.

TLDR; BF made small boob jokes to me too many times, I asked him to stop when it got too much, which he did, but the damage is done. Don't want him to touch or look at my boobs anymore. Too insecure for sex.
First of all: is 34B small? because negl my best friend told me her bra size was that and she has massive hoohahs, (Oh god I sound so noncey, but I promise you I don't even mean it like that.) I can relate with that a lot, I've always been insecure over mine too as I was a late bloomer (I'm a 32C).

I think in this case, you have to love yourself and you know what. When someone makes fun of anything to do with me or my body, It actually motivates me to workout and stuff. So I can be like "Hahaha suckers guess whose laughing now" like a revenge body of some sorts. That's one way to turn this negative feeling and make it something positive. Or you can look at it and say you know what, you joke about me I'm going to joke about you and see how you like it, a slightly petty version. But my best advice is, is if you can't see yourself with him anymore and if he doesn't make you feel sexy or confident and you just are losing interest then either try therapy maybe discuss this with yourself your partner and a therapist, it could even be a good friend of yours whose really sound at giving advice! Discussing these problems help you to feel better but it'll also give you the guidance you need to start feeling confident again.

However, if you can't see yourself with him then break it off, and focus on yourself, start loving yourself, it takes small steps, 34B is still a decent size, I mean I've tried on a 34B and they were way too big to support mine, so if that helps you (idk I'm trying but I sound so creepy).

Keep thinking you can do better than him if you really wanted to, you're capable of that.

Edit: maybe try meditation to boost your self esteem, repeat affirmations on a daily, "I am beautiful" like three times, and that really helps, get those mantras ingrained into your system. Do things you enjoy and things that bring you comfort, it just makes a person happier and have a higher vibrational energy
Last edited by kekedoyouloveme?; 2 weeks ago
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think if you’re constantly picking on someone about a part of their body that they can’t change it’s no longer a joke. Why do you think it’s ok to be persistent about making fun of her insecurity?...
because it's a joke unless the way he said it didnt sound like a joke

my friends used to always make fun of my height but Id just laugh it off
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iamthicccccc1405
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hiya! I've been with my partner for a few months. Here's some background;

Growing up, I was never confident in my breasts (34B) as the women in my life were much larger in chest-size. It took me about 3-4 years to come to terms with my body and accept it. I even started to like my breasts and appreciate them.

Cue meeting and dating my BF; things have overall been fine. However, he's always made jokes about my small breasts. At first it was fine, because it was occasional and I'd laugh it off. Then it became repetitive and targeting- he'd make jokes like "where are your boobs" and whatnot- I spoke to him recently and asked him to stop. He was incredibly apologetic and hasn't made the jokes since (it's been about a week), but the damage is done.

I feel unattractive to my partner, to the point where I refuse his attempts at instigating sex. I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I'm afraid of showing my body or him reaching for my breasts. I hate my body more than I did originally. I don't want him touching or looking at my boobs.

He's also somewhat uncomfortable now that I'm dressing in bralettes (it's summer and they're a fashion statement) - and I'm doing so even more to try and build my confidence back up. He hasn't made me feel bad or try to stop me from doing this, he just doesn't like it, but he's overall quiet and accepting of it.

TLDR; BF made small boob jokes to me too many times, I asked him to stop when it got too much, which he did, but the damage is done. Don't want him to touch or look at my boobs anymore. Too insecure for sex.
You should be proud to be in the itty bitty t****y committee, love yourself, cause some dude out there is gonna love your small breast, so forget this dude, he obviously doesn't give a **** about your feelings, are you still with him? If so ditch him! Us girls don't have time for jokes like him, you gotta go find someone better!
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Cıllıan
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"I'm somethin' different, all aspects
Don't want a woman just to love her assets
I still wife her up, even with her flat chest
The type to get hurt, but that's the past tense" - Kid Cudi
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Also Theloniouss he just barely reaches 6" -- and even then he's still very insecure about it, so I brought it up as less of a "small pp" and more of a "what if I made fun of something you were insecure about" to kinda narrate the point in his perspective. I don't have an issue with his size -

But it was the repetition of the small boobs joke that makes me feel like he's not happy with my size or me. He said otherwise but I honestly don't believe him. I'm just hoping summer clothes and whatnot will make me feel a bit better.
6" is almost the 90th percentile. For reference, that's like if you were almost an E cup and he made fun of you for having small breasts - it would be ridiculous.
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TFEU
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I think it’s good how apologetic he is and it does look like he’s making effort to alleviate some of your insecurities. This shows how much he cares and appreciates you, and your body

Keep doing whatever it takes to make you feel better. Splurge on more bralettes if you need to. There are so many cute tops for smaller busts - cami tops/tube tops etc.

Things would get better with time. The good news is that he seems willing to help you rebuild your confidence. The rest is up to you. Communicate to him about your reluctance to have sex and take all the time you need.
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by iamthicccccc1405)
You should be proud to be in the itty bitty t****y committee, love yourself, cause some dude out there is gonna love your small breast, so forget this dude, he obviously doesn't give a **** about your feelings, are you still with him? If so ditch him! Us girls don't have time for jokes like him, you gotta go find someone better!
Proud to be a member of the itty bitty titty community lmfao

Also to add on to that, one man's loss is another man's gain, everyone has different tastes, that's from my experience anyway.
Last edited by kekedoyouloveme?; 2 weeks ago
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iamthicccccc1405
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
Proud to be of the itty bitty titty community member lmfao

Also to add on to that, one man's loss is another man's gain, everyone has different tastes, that's from my experience anyway.
Yes ma'am!
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Anonymous #1
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kekedoyouloveme? - Yeah! I always work out daily; health is a big part of my life. I'm not ripped or anything but yoga and dance-type exercise keeps me toned and slimmed. This exercise actually started because of my body issues- I love my body in general, but it's just my breasts in particular I dislike. I know they're proportionate to my body and whatnot, but it's like- it took me a long time to accept them, and someone you love just repeatedly pokes at them.

Also, as the_pharaoh said - it was a joke and wasn't said maliciously. I know he does care about me and my feelings, but I think in his mind, it just didn't register as being hurtful because before the repeated joke, I was fine with my breasts. iamthicccccc1405 honestly I was proud up until then. I know all the perks of having small breasts n' whatnot but when your dude turns around and makes fun of them it really makes you embarrassed. It doesn't help that I have larger hips and a smaller waist so I'm basically a pear, which I'm not a huge fan of anymore after this.

Thanks TFEU and keke-- I just honestly don't see how anyone can like my small boobs, everyone seems to like DDs and above nowadays lmao
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