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Have a gf but not sure if I’m gay or not

I’m 18 and have Had a gf for almost 18 months now and I love her dearly and mostly have a very good sex life, but I keep having nagging doubts that I am gay.

These sorta started when the first few times I had sex I was unable to maintain an erection, and then once I was able to do that I suffered from delayed ejaculation such that I had to finish myself off. These issues are not a problem now as I stopped watching porn although I do sometimes suffer from ED if I’m tired or stressed or we have had an argument. I’m gonna go to the doctors to determine whether this past problem was for any physical reason or a psychological reason like performance anxiety or anything like that.

These slight nagging doubts of being gay bc of these sexual dysfunctions cause me great anxiety but this anxiety is only exacerbated by the checking process where I perhaps watch gay porn to see if I become aroused (as a side note I don’t really get erections without stimulation so that’s never an obvious sign) but I find it difficult to discriminate between feelings anxiety and arousal such that I force myself to think about it again or check again using porn. Occasionally I am able to reach climax to gay porn but not as reliably as I did with straight porn I guess.

My question is what do people think? I know people cannot say whether I am gay but idk whether I should tell/break up with my girlfriend, go to my doctor, experiment more generally etc etc. I must say I’ve never really had a crush on a boy that I can remember, hence why I’m so old doing this
Reply 1
well tbh, seeing as you’re not really attracted to men i wouldn’t say that you’re gay. i know plenty of straight females who get off to lesbian porn just because they prefer it. i think the type of porn you watch is just preference really, it doesn’t always reflect your sexual orientation.

are you still attracted to your gf? if yes, then you shouldn’t break up with your gf. and you should probably go and see your doctor :smile:
Visit a gay bar, suck off one of the customers, and see. If you like it, no problem. But, you'll have to ditch your gal for a guy. If you do not like it, then never speak of it again.
It doesn’t sound like you’re gay. There’s nothing here that suggests you’re actively attracted to guys. Going to see a doctor and getting their advice sounds like a good idea.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Visit a gay bar, suck off one of the customers, and see. If you like it, no problem. But, you'll have to ditch your gal for a guy. If you do not like it, then never speak of it again.

pretty sure that if they do go and “suck off one of the customers” , they are then cheating on their partner? i don’t advise this^
Original post by sy!¡
pretty sure that if they do go and “suck off one of the customers” , they are then cheating on their partner? i don’t advise this^

How else are they supposed to see whether they're gay or not?
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
How else are they supposed to see whether they're gay or not?

re-read the original post and you’ll be able to see that they’ve never actually been attracted to a male. they simply watch gay porn (which can just be a preference) and they sometimes suffer with erectile dysfunction (which is a medical problem).
Original post by Anonymous
How else are they supposed to see whether they're gay or not?

A bit extreme to start off with.. don't you think?
Original post by Anonymous
A bit extreme to start off with.. don't you think?

Not really. At least they will know for certain they are gay.
Original post by Anonymous
Not really. At least they will know for certain they are gay.

But if they are not tho, you might have just given him PTSD...
Original post by Mehvij12345
But if they are not tho, you might have just given him PTSD...

That's the price of finding out if one is homosexual or not.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 18 and have Had a gf for almost 18 months now and I love her dearly and mostly have a very good sex life, but I keep having nagging doubts that I am gay.

These sorta started when the first few times I had sex I was unable to maintain an erection, and then once I was able to do that I suffered from delayed ejaculation such that I had to finish myself off. These issues are not a problem now as I stopped watching porn although I do sometimes suffer from ED if I’m tired or stressed or we have had an argument. I’m gonna go to the doctors to determine whether this past problem was for any physical reason or a psychological reason like performance anxiety or anything like that.

These slight nagging doubts of being gay bc of these sexual dysfunctions cause me great anxiety but this anxiety is only exacerbated by the checking process where I perhaps watch gay porn to see if I become aroused (as a side note I don’t really get erections without stimulation so that’s never an obvious sign) but I find it difficult to discriminate between feelings anxiety and arousal such that I force myself to think about it again or check again using porn. Occasionally I am able to reach climax to gay porn but not as reliably as I did with straight porn I guess.

My question is what do people think? I know people cannot say whether I am gay but idk whether I should tell/break up with my girlfriend, go to my doctor, experiment more generally etc etc. I must say I’ve never really had a crush on a boy that I can remember, hence why I’m so old doing this


Sounds like OCD. There is a type of OCD called 'HOCD.'
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 18 and have Had a gf for almost 18 months now and I love her dearly and mostly have a very good sex life, but I keep having nagging doubts that I am gay.

These sorta started when the first few times I had sex I was unable to maintain an erection, and then once I was able to do that I suffered from delayed ejaculation such that I had to finish myself off. These issues are not a problem now as I stopped watching porn although I do sometimes suffer from ED if I’m tired or stressed or we have had an argument. I’m gonna go to the doctors to determine whether this past problem was for any physical reason or a psychological reason like performance anxiety or anything like that.

These slight nagging doubts of being gay bc of these sexual dysfunctions cause me great anxiety but this anxiety is only exacerbated by the checking process where I perhaps watch gay porn to see if I become aroused (as a side note I don’t really get erections without stimulation so that’s never an obvious sign) but I find it difficult to discriminate between feelings anxiety and arousal such that I force myself to think about it again or check again using porn. Occasionally I am able to reach climax to gay porn but not as reliably as I did with straight porn I guess.

My question is what do people think? I know people cannot say whether I am gay but idk whether I should tell/break up with my girlfriend, go to my doctor, experiment more generally etc etc. I must say I’ve never really had a crush on a boy that I can remember, hence why I’m so old doing this


mate... not that hard to figure out. do you regularly fancy dudes you know or have seen in real life? do you see yourself being in a loving relationship with a man? do you see yourself being in a sexual relationship with a man? the last two can be dampened by internalized homphobia, but 100% if you don't have crushes on guys then ur NOT GAY. you're probably suffering from anxiety and the porn consumption before was actually not helping. porn can induce ED, you know? take a break from watching it for about a year, and definitely do go to the docs
Original post by Unsure786
Sounds like OCD. There is a type of OCD called 'HOCD.'

yeah was gonna say. talked about it in psychology. there's also an OCD about being a p*do, amongst people who aren't actually p*dos (never sexually matured from 11-16 thinking about children as their primary attraction) and never had an attraction to kids but worry themselves to death that they might and it's quite sad.
Reply 14
It's sounds like you're not. From the info given it sounds like you've never really been attracted to men, so you performance in intercourse doesn't really have anything to do with that. You also say you still love your girlfriend and that's all that really matters tbh, maybe your bi, maybe not but it doesn't really matter right now if you love your gf. I'd suggest talking to her honestly about your anxiety in bed though
I’ve experienced it. And gay and even bisexuals can get it towards the opposite or same sex. It’s ‘fear’ and ‘disgust’ of the same or opposite sex. For example, a gay person scared of being straight or a straight person scared of being gay (like me). Although this may se weird and abnormal to you, this is OCD. It’s a really painful mental health illness and can cause intrusive thoughts, repetitive thinking and compulsions which can degrade your quality of life.

Everyone thinks about their sexual orientation when they’re 14-16, but this is different, it’s an illness that not a lot of people and unfortunately U.K. therapists know about. I had to get my treatment abroad because doctors here didn’t know anything about it. I struggled so much and wanted to commit suicide. I found a great doctor and am getting better now thankfully due to the therapy and meds. If I wasn’t getting better then that means it’s not ocd but now I’m almost free of these thoughts and am confident then ever that I’m straight!
I hope this can help loads of you out who are struggling with ocd or raises awareness for it.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ve experienced it. And gay and even bisexuals can get it towards the opposite or same sex. It’s ‘fear’ and ‘disgust’ of the same or opposite sex. For example, a gay person scared of being straight or a straight person scared of being gay (like me). Although this may se weird and abnormal to you, this is OCD. It’s a really painful mental health illness and can cause intrusive thoughts, repetitive thinking and compulsions which can degrade your quality of life.
Everyone thinks about their sexual orientation when they’re 14-16, but this is different, it’s an illness that not a lot of people and unfortunately U.K. therapists know about. I had to get my treatment abroad because doctors here didn’t know anything about it. I struggled so much and wanted to commit suicide. I found a great doctor and am getting better now thankfully due to the therapy and meds. If I wasn’t getting better then that means it’s not ocd but now I’m almost free of these thoughts and am confident then ever that I’m straight!
I hope this can help loads of you out who are struggling with ocd or raises awareness for it.

How would you tell a doctor about this? Got no idea where to begin I have the same problem
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 18 and have Had a gf for almost 18 months now and I love her dearly and mostly have a very good sex life, but I keep having nagging doubts that I am gay.
These sorta started when the first few times I had sex I was unable to maintain an erection, and then once I was able to do that I suffered from delayed ejaculation such that I had to finish myself off. These issues are not a problem now as I stopped watching porn although I do sometimes suffer from ED if I’m tired or stressed or we have had an argument. I’m gonna go to the doctors to determine whether this past problem was for any physical reason or a psychological reason like performance anxiety or anything like that.
These slight nagging doubts of being gay bc of these sexual dysfunctions cause me great anxiety but this anxiety is only exacerbated by the checking process where I perhaps watch gay porn to see if I become aroused (as a side note I don’t really get erections without stimulation so that’s never an obvious sign) but I find it difficult to discriminate between feelings anxiety and arousal such that I force myself to think about it again or check again using porn. Occasionally I am able to reach climax to gay porn but not as reliably as I did with straight porn I guess.
My question is what do people think? I know people cannot say whether I am gay but idk whether I should tell/break up with my girlfriend, go to my doctor, experiment more generally etc etc. I must say I’ve never really had a crush on a boy that I can remember, hence why I’m so old doing this

You aren't gay. You like the girl and having performance anxiety bc u want to pls her. Go to doctor and get some hormone testing and maybe he will give you pills for ER. Only reason u r questioning if u r gay is bc you watch too much social media that is telling everyone that they are gay. It is all a bunch of bs!

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