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I want to break up with my boyfriend but don't want to hurt him...

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years, and I don't really love him anymore. About 6 months into the relationship he cheated on me and I didn't break up with him, because I thought our relationship was more important than his mistake. However, I'm still annoyed by this and no longer feel the connection with him I used to. We also have various issues with communication and our conversations often become very surface level - I would love to talk about much more interesting or deeper things. I've become very aggravated by arguably relatively minor issues such as his frequent grammar and spelling mistakes; constantly having to explain the words I'm using or concepts I'm discussing to him; and his exceptionally poor manners. He will often talk about our future and I feel extremely guilty because I just don't reciprocate that feeling. I know that I'm not going to be with him forever, but I can't bear to break up with him. He often talks about his nightmares that I will break up with him, or how he'd be nothing without me. I am also rather close with his family, which would inevitably make the break-up even harder. I know he means well and is a kind person, but he's not the person I want to be with for the rest of my life, so it seems wholly unfair to lead him on and continue going out with him. I know that at some point I need to break up with him, but in every moment in which he is okay, I can't bring myself to cause him such hurt.

Any advice about how best to end things in the way that would cause the least hurt to him would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.
Did he say those things about the nightmares after he cheated on you? Cause if he did, I think he’s saying all that to low-key manipulate you into staying
As someone who was dumped last year after an almost 1 year relationship and have struggled due to lockdown and seeing them move on etc I would have some sympathy for your boyfriend since I know that at the extreme end break ups can cause intense anxiety and depression for months and even longer in my case.
But he cheated so at that point sympathy is lost; break up with him.
Girl you need to know you're worth, He cheated on you, that should off definitely been a deal breaker. But I get that you were willing to make this work which showed you wanted the relationship. People fall out of love it happens but its not your fault or anyones.

Regarding the whole nightmare situation this can be seen as manipulative especially like @Moonlight rain said and this could be unintentional but their could be that process where he is saying that to make you feel bad or make you stay in the relationship with him. Anyone who has been in a long term relationship is going to get hurt at the end of the day. Even you will be effected by it, but ending the relationship as soon as you can will be better for both of you.

I think when it comes to the breakup don't beat around the bush. Sit him down and just get everything off your chest such as the cheating as that is the main reason on why you are feeling the way you are. Be nice about it you know, probably don't say the fact about gramma and spelling aha but just be honest with him that's all you can do. I honestly feel for you breaking up with someone is never easy but as long as you have a good support network you are going to be okay.
(edited 2 years ago)
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Zarek
21
Good that you care about someone else’s feelings. It feels quite rare in breakup situations. In fact he will get over it and it is also bad to waste someone’s time in a relationship which is going nowhere. Avoid a prolonged period where thinks are clearly going wrong, that’s the worst bit, and tell him as kindly as you can how you feel

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