English language paper 2 Q5 - travel article

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jorja_2004
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please could someone read through my article and let me know what they think. TIA
Travel testimony: An innovative invention; debilitating destruction.

Is the luxury of travelling a murderous weapon against humanity or a journey of discovery?

Travelling. Exploring. Discovering. The world and its wonders are not just an experience, but a dream that most people dare to imagine. Across the world, millions leave their homes daily, reuniting with their vehicle companions – whether jetting off on holiday, driving to work, or simply ‘popping’ to the shop. However, as our irreplaceable home continues to deteriorate, it is imperative that we do not remain ignorant to the consequences of our actions; to the condition of the world; to our future; to our entire existence.

To travel or not to travel?

As a society, we have become more adventurous and audacious. Especially during the ceaseless Covid pandemic, you, me, and millions of others in similar captivity have a consuming desire to escape from the extremely familiar four walls of our dull homes; a desire to cast our dreams into reality and explore the deserts of Africa, the corals of Australia, the mountains of Asia - experiencing a world of unimaginable cultures and ways of life. But first, a journey to reunite with long-lost loved ones is top of the bucket list – social distanced of course. You should live your life to the fullest it can be. The enchanting arcane wonders of the mysterious sapphire marble we all inhabit are worth exploring - they must be worth the travel, or why would they exist? So while you choose to sit at home, just remember that indescribable destinations are waiting to be discovered; there is an endless chain of keys to open locked doors; memories to be painted that will last an eternity.

I enjoy taking my almost annual holidays abroad, as I am certain many others do - a recent survey showed that over 70% of Britons took to the sky in pursuit of a paradise destination each year. As Saint Augustine once said: “the world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page”. Day by day, hour by hour, waves of passengers travel via the fuel-filching aeroplanes to escape and relax. But a recent and devastating thought occurred to me: how can I be so complacent while my actions are helping the extravagant earth to suffer? How can you? Reducing air travel would demand a difficult moral reckoning. Nevertheless, the extreme difficulties we have yet to face must be arrested and obtained to exterminate our increasing risk of self-destruction. The more we ignore our actions yet criticise the consequences we face, the more hypocritical we become and the more our futures fade.


Corrupt childhood case

Cars and their wicked partners in crime are gas-guzzling, great lumps of steel that do nothing but create torrents of traffic and swallow harmless pedestrians. The high levels of carcinogens being released each year have a detrimental effect on not just our physical, but also our mental health. In fact, under your watch, pollution has become so horrible that the percentage of children suffering from respiratory illnesses has shot up to 30%! I know - for you, maybe this is not so much of an issue as you may not live directly near these cancerous machines, but how would you feel if your children were forced to be subjected to this abuse? How do you think the families and friends of those whose lungs have gradually suffocated them just for the sake of often pointless travelling would feel? Ella Kissi-Debrah – a 9-year-old London girl drowned by her own lungs as they became corrupt from the ruthless impact of air pollution. This innocent child died as a result of respiratory failure in 2013, along with the estimated 600,000 children under the age of 15 (of 93% that breathe polluted air) who die each year globally from air pollution (according to the World Health Organisation). Children are the future; children are the generation that will always be remembered as those with polluted lungs; polluted minds; polluted lives; they are the beginning of the end unless we act now! The more we continue to ignore the detrimental issues of thoughtless travelling, the more we will all suffer. Tell me how that’s fair.

Climate criminals

No one is perfect. Youthful and elderly, prosperous and poor, we are all predetermining the prominent peril posed to people and the planet as we continue to jeopardize our existence. Ignorant and inconsiderate itinerant, greenhouse gas emissions, pollution, climate change – all a factor of daily human error. Just one of many cases are the countless major companies that cajole everyone in an avaricious attempt to expand their bank balance instead of putting people over profit to protect our planet. Glaciers are melting; coral reefs are dying; the land is disappearing – to name a few. Like a fish tank, we all live together; we cannot chide a minority as we are all collectively conscious in this battle, and the conditions of our fragile environment are essential for survival. But I’m sure you’ve already seen the case files of this massacre plastered on social media; surely, we’ve all seen these horrific murder scenes. Past and present and future, this is constant torture. Glaciers have melted; corals have died; the land has been submerged by the flooding tears of the ocean.

Travelling. Murdering. Destroying. Your sudden callous sadness that shows pity for five minutes and is then abruptly forgotten does nothing to dispel this malevolent oppression. Yes – we are not alone. Yes – Earth is dying. Yes – we can save it. What we do today impacts what we do tomorrow, and what we do tomorrow may find us guilty of murder, or as savours of the world. We must do more! We must act now!
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tinygirl96
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Hello

I like what you have written down so far. However you might want to break down your writing into a few shorter or smaller paragraphs. And you might also wish to use things like numbers etc in order to defend your statements too. Otherwise this is a really good article. The article is at least a grade six in my mind. Quotes from real life activists may even lend weight and improve your article. Use actual quotes to your advantage when redoing your article. You should ideally also number all of your paragraphs or make full use of bullet points and headings. Best of luck to you.
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