Scared. I ruined my life

I’m a grown woman. Never been in a relationship. Found someone through social media who made me feel wanted. I was riding high on that feeling. He asked many times for several vids/pics. They started out innocent. Progressed to more and more overtime. All these vids were sent through view once or replay on insta DM. Then it came down to make a full video with everything on display or I’ll leave you. I felt like trash as it is. Fought with myslef for a week before giving in as he’d stopped messaging me. We were supposed to get married. I used an app to edit the lighting in the vid and sent that in insta dm as well. He specifically stated to leave this on keep. Swearing he’d delete afterwards. After three and half years of abuse I left. Now, as my head has come back to earth. I’ve begun to struggle with the thought of what I have done. Not only am I disgusted and humiliated In myself. I realize the amount of **** I sent and the way I sent it. First it was just thoughts of what if something get hacked, connection to WiFi related sites, using an app to edit, having iCloud at the time that was making me go crazy. I thought SURELY somewhere somehow some third party may have gained access. I had deleted all apps and vids as soon as I had sent them three years back. I had purged my iCloud as well. I made sure the social media apps I had used for editing were clear of any proof. (I didn’t realize I had used snap chat on 2-3 occasions. I ended up deleting from my memories a month later). We were mutual friends. Randomly texting about life problems once or twice a year. Recently he’s gone crazy and started asking for the same stuff. He said he still has some of my vids. I didn’t believe he’d drop so low but he sent me screenshots. I’m not sure how much he has. But he Defo screenrecorded. He had kept everything in his phone for over 3 years. Mind you he sold the old phone after deleting everything and doing a factory reset. He had this stuff in his phone he uses only for storage. But I’m thinking everyday of every minute what a disgusting person I am. I had a clean record and when I dropped I dropped so low that I can’t get back up now. He was the first guy I got involved with and it’s ruined me. I have nightmares in broad daylight that somehow a pic or vid will get deleted. Specially the last vid I sent. Doing everything he asked. So I wouldn’t end up alone. Chalk up low self confidence and low self esteem to that. Every phone call scares me certain colors and words trigger me. I have panick attacks. I don’t want to live the rest of life looking over my shoulder. And at the end of the day nothing hurts or disgusts me more than knowing I ruined my whole family’s life. God forbid if a hair line worth of stuff gets out I know my parents and siblings will never recover. Asian community’s are like piranhas waiting for the fresh gossip. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just so tired. I am scared. I’ve ruined my life. If something gets out I’ll be all over the Internet before I can try to control it.

I’m a grown woman. Never been in a relationship. Found someone through social media who made me feel wanted. I was riding high on that feeling. He asked many times for several vids/pics. They started out innocent. Progressed to more and more overtime. All these vids were sent through view once or replay on insta DM. Then it came down to make a full video with everything on display or I’ll leave you. I felt like trash as it is. Fought with myslef for a week before giving in as he’d stopped messaging me. We were supposed to get married. I used an app to edit the lighting in the vid and sent that in insta dm as well. He specifically stated to leave this on keep. Swearing he’d delete afterwards. After three and half years of abuse I left. Now, as my head has come back to earth. I’ve begun to struggle with the thought of what I have done. Not only am I disgusted and humiliated In myself. I realize the amount of **** I sent and the way I sent it. First it was just thoughts of what if something get hacked, connection to WiFi related sites, using an app to edit, having iCloud at the time that was making me go crazy. I thought SURELY somewhere somehow some third party may have gained access. I had deleted all apps and vids as soon as I had sent them three years back. I had purged my iCloud as well. I made sure the social media apps I had used for editing were clear of any proof. (I didn’t realize I had used snap chat on 2-3 occasions. I ended up deleting from my memories a month later). We were mutual friends. Randomly texting about life problems once or twice a year. Recently he’s gone crazy and started asking for the same stuff. He said he still has some of my vids. I didn’t believe he’d drop so low but he sent me screenshots. I’m not sure how much he has. But he Defo screenrecorded. He had kept everything in his phone for over 3 years. Mind you he sold the old phone after deleting everything and doing a factory reset. He had this stuff in his phone he uses only for storage. But I’m thinking everyday of every minute what a disgusting person I am. I had a clean record and when I dropped I dropped so low that I can’t get back up now. He was the first guy I got involved with and it’s ruined me. I have nightmares in broad daylight that somehow a pic or vid will get deleted. Specially the last vid I sent. Doing everything he asked. So I wouldn’t end up alone. Chalk up low self confidence and low self esteem to that. Every phone call scares me certain colors and words trigger me. I have panick attacks. I don’t want to live the rest of life looking over my shoulder. And at the end of the day nothing hurts or disgusts me more than knowing I ruined my whole family’s life. God forbid if a hair line worth of stuff gets out I know my parents and siblings will never recover. Asian community’s are like piranhas waiting for the fresh gossip. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just so tired. I am scared. I’ve ruined my life. If something gets out I’ll be all over the Internet before I can try to control it.

and TBH this whole social media context ti sounds more like you were kind of manipulated into it, not sure how old you are but i'd even think of the word 'groomed'. Correct me if i'm wrong. But you are not alone in this and it happens a lot meaning it is not your fault honestly these people take advantage of low self esteem and anxiety etc. I've been there myself, but nothing i worried about ever happened from it.

You can take measures such as reporting him, or reporting him to the police for blackmail or bribery if that is happening. If you are 18+it can be confidential so don't worry about the family

firstly, you’re so strong for leaving and you’re doing so well. don’t beat yourself over it and try your best to think positively. i know you can get through this hard time in your life, if you need anyone to talk to, let me know! as a south asian i know how harsh the community can be and i feel your paranoia. please always know that there are always people who are here to listen!! x

you haven’t done anything wrong, i don’t want to push anything on u and i don’t know if you’re religious but when i felt like what you’re going through and when something similar happened to me, i knew God (Allah) wouldn’t make me go through this without something good coming out of it. this is Allah’s plan and you got this!! in the end, you will see this as something that brought you closer to Him and made it all worthwhile.

i’m so so so proud of you bc i was in a similar situation once and i know you can get through this. if you would like, there are therapists who specialise and can help you loads! i love u and hope you feel better soon my lovely <33

Okay,
The first thing to do is take a breath and try to be calm. The relationship you were in was unhealthy, you recognised that and you left it. That took guts and you did it. That is the hardest part.

I can assure you that you HAVE NOT ruined your life and you can comeback from this. You just need some help and support.
If he keeps contacting you asking for these pictures after you have told him no, this is harassment- which is illegal.
It might be worth speaking to a councillor or psychologist to help you get through this, because you will get through this.

if you need anything, message me. You can do this !

I’m a grown woman. Never been in a relationship. Found someone through social media who made me feel wanted. I was riding high on that feeling. He asked many times for several vids/pics. They started out innocent. Progressed to more and more overtime. All these vids were sent through view once or replay on insta DM. Then it came down to make a full video with everything on display or I’ll leave you. I felt like trash as it is. Fought with myslef for a week before giving in as he’d stopped messaging me. We were supposed to get married. I used an app to edit the lighting in the vid and sent that in insta dm as well. He specifically stated to leave this on keep. Swearing he’d delete afterwards. After three and half years of abuse I left. Now, as my head has come back to earth. I’ve begun to struggle with the thought of what I have done. Not only am I disgusted and humiliated In myself. I realize the amount of **** I sent and the way I sent it. First it was just thoughts of what if something get hacked, connection to WiFi related sites, using an app to edit, having iCloud at the time that was making me go crazy. I thought SURELY somewhere somehow some third party may have gained access. I had deleted all apps and vids as soon as I had sent them three years back. I had purged my iCloud as well. I made sure the social media apps I had used for editing were clear of any proof. (I didn’t realize I had used snap chat on 2-3 occasions. I ended up deleting from my memories a month later). We were mutual friends. Randomly texting about life problems once or twice a year. Recently he’s gone crazy and started asking for the same stuff. He said he still has some of my vids. I didn’t believe he’d drop so low but he sent me screenshots. I’m not sure how much he has. But he Defo screenrecorded. He had kept everything in his phone for over 3 years. Mind you he sold the old phone after deleting everything and doing a factory reset. He had this stuff in his phone he uses only for storage. But I’m thinking everyday of every minute what a disgusting person I am. I had a clean record and when I dropped I dropped so low that I can’t get back up now. He was the first guy I got involved with and it’s ruined me. I have nightmares in broad daylight that somehow a pic or vid will get deleted. Specially the last vid I sent. Doing everything he asked. So I wouldn’t end up alone. Chalk up low self confidence and low self esteem to that. Every phone call scares me certain colors and words trigger me. I have panick attacks. I don’t want to live the rest of life looking over my shoulder. And at the end of the day nothing hurts or disgusts me more than knowing I ruined my whole family’s life. God forbid if a hair line worth of stuff gets out I know my parents and siblings will never recover. Asian community’s are like piranhas waiting for the fresh gossip. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just so tired. I am scared. I’ve ruined my life. If something gets out I’ll be all over the Internet before I can try to control it.

I just want to say thank you. And yes I’m South Asian. I have changed my life so so drastically. I vowed to never repeat the same mistake. But you know how our communities are. It’ll all come down to being shameless. It’ll all come down to name calling. My family. The though of what this can do to them...I can’t sleep at night. I get panic attacks on the usual. No one recognizes me anymore. I’ve lost all motivation in life. I don’t know how to dm you sis. I just need someone to talk to.

message me on here if you’d like! i’m @justhelpm786 <3

First of all please remain calm as you didn't really do anything wrong, it is risky sometimes but we've all done it before and it doesn't make you disgusting. You trusted him, saying you almost married and you were having a relationship. So it isn't your fault, you can't control people and how they contact you.

It is also less likely that the videos will be spread as you are panicking about, i've known many guys who keep such videos on their phone for years but it's just for their own use. It sounds like you come from a conservatve background so you mentioned your family and i guesss family honour. Is this guy a family friend or someone random? Sexuality is private so don't be ashamed of that, im sure you didn't do it thoughtlessly or you wouldn't have done it if you thought he was a total liar or someone terrible.

As above user said you have not ruined your life at all, tbf it sounds like your anxiety of imagined consequences is making you really scared but it is currently in your head. you have his texts and im sure he sent you things too it's not like you did some mindless outrageous thing, you had a relationship and it was mutual. Therefore he would be stupid to share anything as he has the same need for privacy.

and TBH this whole social media context ti sounds more like you were kind of manipulated into it, not sure how old you are but i'd even think of the word 'groomed'. Correct me if i'm wrong. But you are not alone in this and it happens a lot meaning it is not your fault honestly these people take advantage of low self esteem and anxiety etc. I've been there myself, but nothing i worried about ever happened from it.

You can take measures such as reporting him, or reporting him to the police for blackmail or bribery if that is happening. If you are 18+it can be confidential so don't worry about the family

I was being manipulated for a whole year and never caught on to it. He’s from the same background same everything. After I left I even helped him with his new gf in hopes that he’d move on from me and leave me alone. He did the same with her and she ended up leaving too. He keeps saying he’s now finally deleted everything because I lied to him and said I’m married. That if anything happened I’d know it was him. I also threatened him with some other stuff so idk. And I don’t have anything of his. I’d always be disgusted by all of it but would close my eyes and do it to save our “relationship”