Is he sexually frustrated with me?

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Anonymous #1
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I know him as somebody I loved, whom I really wanted a relationship with. He wanted the same but it didn't work out as he behaved really immaturely and refused to hear me out, breaking it off.
I didn't have any contact with him for the next 3 years. He also got into a relationship. I did see him one or two times in a year but we didn't talk. He tried to talk but I didn't reciprocate.

Eventually, we went a year without seeing each other until 4 months ago, I bumped into him at the coffee shop. He had broken up with his ex and returned here (he was living in Spain with her but after their break up , he returned to the UK). I ignored him but he chased after me and talked to me. I couldn't be rude so gave in and he was quick to suggest a coffee meet up that very moment. We had a picnic in the park and I was finally able to get over the hurt and pain I was holding onto for the last 4 years.

His attitude had completely changed. He's also much older now (26 now, when we first met and did all the drama, he was 21-22).
He had the habit of staring at me a lot , excessively with fierce eye contact when we were into each other and he keeps doing it even now. He remembered a lot of things about me/us, my hair, how we met etc.

Things progressed as I spent almost all my time with him. It was also due to both of us studying the same subject (environment and he is really clever and helpful with notes etc). We made dinner together, went shopping etc. He is not as non communicative as he was before so he did explain his feelings in the past and told me he always remembered me and thought of me, and how he still wants me back.

I told him I need time to which he reluctantly agreed. But since then he has gotten a lot more physical with me and gets irritable seeing me in shorter clothes. He turned up at my place unexpectedly at 12 am and I always wear satin cami dresses which are sheer. He saw me in them and wouldn't stop staring. He was really irritable the next day but kept grabbing me and looking into my eyes all the time. A similar thing happened when I wore a short dress for which he got mad at me and said I'm trying to get attention from other men. I changed my dress to a longer one but he was still unhappy. He also touches me quite a lot, at every chance he gets, grabbing me from the back/waist etc. If I tell him it's a bit too much, he gets upset and accuses me of wanting to get touched by other men.

What is going on? Is he frustrated and wants something?
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Anonymous #1
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1 more addition, he likes BDSM and he is quite dominant too. I have never done these things and don't want to. I have noticed that once when he held my arm tightly, it left red blotches and he remarked how soft I am and if I have a high pain tolerance or not.
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Anonymous #2
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hes INSECURE thats what it is
Being protective is one thing but this is being CONTROLLING & trust me it only gets worse from here so if I was you, I would take this as a major red flag and leave rn instead of letting it get to a point where it leaves me with trauma x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hes INSECURE thats what it is
Being protective is one thing but this is being CONTROLLING & trust me it only gets worse from here so if I was you, I would take this as a major red flag and leave rn instead of letting it get to a point where it leaves me with trauma x
But insecure about what?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But insecure about what?
he is insecure about himself which is why he keeps questioning ur loyalty based on the way u dress.
He thinks that hes not enough for you maybe? Or that u will leave him for someone else?
I guess there's a lack of trust on u as well
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he is insecure about himself which is why he keeps questioning ur loyalty based on the way u dress.
He thinks that hes not enough for you maybe? Or that u will leave him for someone else?
I guess there's a lack of trust on u as well
We are not dating yet. I needed time but yes there is a lot of sexual tension
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We are not dating yet. I needed time but yes there is a lot of sexual tension
yeh exactly so if ur not even together & hes become dominant & controlling to a point where u have to change into more modest clothes & yet he still says u want other mens attention when u havnt officially made any commitments to him - then its only gonna get worse. you see my point?
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londonmyst
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No idea if he's frustrated or not.

He sounds disturbed and unpleasant
Controlling, jealous and sexually aggressive.
Do you really want to date or get sexually involved with him?
I wouldn't.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yeh exactly so if ur not even together & hes become dominant & controlling to a point where u have to change into more modest clothes & yet he still says u want other mens attention when u havnt officially made any commitments to him - then its only gonna get worse. you see my point?
Yes. But is it cos he's unhappy that we are not together?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
No idea if he's frustrated or not.

He sounds disturbed and unpleasant
Controlling, jealous and sexually aggressive.
Do you really want to date or get sexually involved with him?
I wouldn't.
Disturbed???

I loved him and I still do. But I'm seeing if I can trust him again as the first time, it was really painful
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes. But is it cos he's unhappy that we are not together?
For a relationship to work out, you have to be understanding & patient with one another.
And if hes frustrated bc ur not together then he's defo not understanding & his behaviour seems more aggressive than patient so I wouldnt risk it no matter how much I liked him bc this is a clear situation where this controlling behaviour will most likely lead to abuse.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
For a relationship to work out, you have to be understanding & patient with one another.
And if hes frustrated bc ur not together then he's defo not understanding & his behaviour seems more aggressive than patient so I wouldnt risk it no matter how much I liked him bc this is a clear situation where this controlling behaviour will most likely lead to abuse.
Aggressive???
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Aggressive???
look ur in love with this guy so u will naturally turn a blind eye to his behaviour but by aggression I was not specifically saying he hits u but more in the sense that hes so controlling and as an outsider I can see that its unhealthy & so im just pointing it out to u bc when ur in the situation sometimes u cant think about it like that ygm?
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Slx.24
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Stop trying to make excuses for him due to the feelings you hold towards him. It'll only make this worse. He's shown a lot of red flags already (insecure, aggressive, not understanding etc I cba to type). He's also a previous acquaintance and getting back with oldies are nearly always a big no no. Think clearly and we all know that the answer is lying in front of you, he is not someone you should be with. Cut him off and keep it like that, properly this time
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Anonymous #3
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seems like a wrongun, wouldnt date again because he might become worse in the future if hes already this controlling
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Slx.24)
Stop trying to make excuses for him due to the feelings you hold towards him. It'll only make this worse. He's shown a lot of red flags already (insecure, aggressive, not understanding etc I cba to type). He's also a previous acquaintance and getting back with oldies are nearly always a big no no. Think clearly and we all know that the answer is lying in front of you, he is not someone you should be with. Cut him off and keep it like that, properly this time
:/ he has changed tho.
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anosmianAcrimony
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I agree with EVERYONE above me but can’t rep them because I’ve already repped them all recently, wow!

The most problematic thing is that he isn’t respecting your boundaries at all! You have said, you want time to get over previous things, and he is being relentlessly sexual and pursuing a relationship with you when you have made clear you don’t want it. You tell him not to touch you, and he gets upset - that is a HUUUGE red flag - he doesn’t respect your autonomy over your own body. If he’s already not respecting your wishes, if you end up in a relationship he will be even worse! It seems like he’s scarcely changed at all from when he didn’t listen to you or respect your wishes before.

If he tried to control what clothes you wore when you were already boyfriend and girlfriend, I’d say, he shouldn’t do that, you can wear what you want to. And you aren’t even in a relationship! He absolutely doesn’t have a leg to stand on and seems sooo horrible and controlling.

You seem worried and preoccupied that he may be sexually frustrated with you. But that’s not your problem! He needs to control himself and stop thinking with his ****. It is not your responsibility to gratify him sexually!
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 week ago
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Slx.24
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:/ he has changed tho.
Sure he's changed, not really for the better tho. Just from one set of bad qualities to another set of bad qualities. Look sis, I get that you love this guy a lot and you're trying your best to make excuses for him and want to make this work but it's simply not looking good in any way shape or form.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:/ he has changed tho.
Has he though?? He doesn’t seem to listen to you or respect your wishes. Wasn’t that the problem that you had before?
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GabiAbi84
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#20
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Who cares if he’s sexually frustrated with you or not.
He’s acting disgustingly and you shouldn’t really be bothering about anything except that.
Walk away from this.
He clearly has control issues and insecurity coupled with aggression and it’s not healthy.
And then tries to blame these issues on you?
Ugh no!
Forget about him,
Last edited by GabiAbi84; 1 week ago
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