“Nice guy”

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Every time I try something with a girl I always get the “you’re a really nice guy but....” then a bunch of **** that I don’t want to hear. I’m decent looking, i’ve been told that, and people do like me, but I’m always “just a friend”. What the **** do I have to do, I see guys who are (at the risk of sounding like a ****) inferior in most if not all respects getting into relationships without trouble.

I always try to be as good as I can to people, without compromising my assertiveness. I actively oppose misogyny and am constantly mindful of women’s needs. I’ve never been labelled as an *******, and I strive not to be one.

I don’t know whether i’m just cursed with incredibly poor coincidental fortune, but every time I talk to a girl, there is always some other guy (usually an *******) that wins the race.

Any thoughts??
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Anonymous #2
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Do you ever hint that you’d like more than friendship? Maybe you’re being a little too subtle
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I see guys who are (at the risk of sounding like a ****) inferior in most if not all respects getting into relationships without trouble.
Real charmer, you. Clearly despite being so 'inferior' to your lordship, they have something you don't.
Last edited by ROTL94; 5 days ago
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Merican Bio Dude
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Yikes
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TJ1997
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Maybe you're going for the wrong girls or girls can sense you're trying too hard to please them. Focus on yourself rather than other guys, change your attitude around, assess your dating preferences a little more and I'm sure you'll do a little better with the ladies
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anosmianAcrimony
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Just in the post that you’ve made here, you come across as feeling very entitled to being in a relationship and ’’winning the race’’. It’s important for you to take to heart that you are never entitled to have a relationship with anyone. It’s important both because that mindset of entitlement is woman-repelling, and because a relationship built on entitlement is never going to be long or happy.

You should, of course, be as good as you can to people, and you should not be misogynistic, but you should do those things for their own sake and because doing them is normal. You don’t get points for it and you shouldn’t expect to be favoured with a relationship because you do those things.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 5 days ago
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chlamydia9000
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Be the ******** that wins the race then. Women aren't attracted to openly feminist, overly attentive men.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you ever hint that you’d like more than friendship? Maybe you’re being a little too subtle
I’m not shy or subtle, I ask my questions clearly
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
Real charmer, you. Clearly despite being so 'inferior' to your lordship, they have something you don't.
The message I was trying to give is that these guys are always the cheaters and the ones that don’t give a **** about anyone. They have something I don’t... I gathered that much. What might that be?
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Gaddafi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I see guys who are (at the risk of sounding like a ****) inferior in most if not all respects getting into relationships without trouble.
They are not inferior to you if they are doing better than you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Just in the post that you’ve made here, you come across as feeling very entitled to being in a relationship and ’’winning the race’’. It’s important for you to take to heart that you are never entitled to have a relationship with anyone. It’s important both because that mindset of entitlement is woman-repelling, and because a relationship built on entitlement is never going to be long or happy.

You should, of course, be as good as you can to people, and you should not be misogynistic, but you should do those things for their own sake and because doing them is normal. You don’t get points for it and you shouldn’t expect to be favoured with a relationship because you do those things.
This is not the vibe I intended on giving, I don’t feel “entitled” to anything or anyone. I am aware that everything in life should be earned. All I want to know is what I can do better to not be thrown away as a “nice guy” all the time.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m not shy or subtle, I ask my questions clearly
Maybe your approach isn’t right? Perhaps your asking the wrong girls.
Can you elaborate on your questions, do you mean asking them out? And getting a no in return?
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Synergy~
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Wow erm, I would say that there is a lack of sufficient context to respond meaningfully, but being nice does not entitle you to anything. I do not think it is because the other guys are alleged *******s, or due to you being oh so nice.

But, as has been said before, maybe it is that sense of entitlement that repels? Or maybe you are too focused on getting the girl(s) that you do not take the time to build a meaningful/ romantic bond?
Last edited by Synergy~; 5 days ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by chlamydia9000)
Be the ******** that wins the race then. Women aren't attracted to openly feminist, overly attentive men.
I wouldn’t label myself with either of those things, but the *******s that “win the race” are the ones that end up cheating and being controlling. That’s not and never will be me.
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The message I was trying to give is that these guys are always the cheaters and the ones that don’t give a **** about anyone. They have something I don’t... I gathered that much. What might that be?
A winner's mindset. Also they're not falling over themselves for the sake of a woman.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe your approach isn’t right? Perhaps your asking the wrong girls.
Can you elaborate on your questions, do you mean asking them out? And getting a no in return?
A lot of the time I will ask them out on a date, and we’ll get talking (the pandemic limits this to online only at the moment) and they will show interest. It’s never a straight no it’s always “you’re a nice guy but I want to take things slow” or something of that sort, and then she simultaneously proceeds to find another guy who is clearly intent on ****ing around with her feelings and i’m left for dead.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
A winner's mindset. Also they're not falling over themselves for the sake of a woman.
Neither of those things are true. My life isn’t governed by it, i’m just mildly annoyed
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is not the vibe I intended on giving, I don’t feel “entitled” to anything or anyone. I am aware that everything in life should be earned. All I want to know is what I can do better to not be thrown away as a “nice guy” all the time.
It’s not necessarily that you feel entitled to a relationship for doing nothing. You see it as something that you can earn by being nice, and you feel cheated that you’re being nice and getting nowhere. That sense that you can ’’earn’’ peoples’ affection is what I mean by entitlement.

Many things in life can be earned, and they’re somewhat formulaic. You do work for a company and at the end of the month you get paid. You’ve earned it. ’’Everything in life should be earned’’ is a great mindset to be in, in that context. In romance, it’s a bad mindset, because in romance, nothing is formulaic and you can’t earn anything. You act nice to a girl for a month and at the end of the month you expect a payday - a date. And that expectation, and the sense she gets that you have only been acting nice in order to get the date, is why you don’t get one.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Synergy~)
Wow erm, I would say that there is a lack of sufficient context to respond meaningfully, but being nice does not entitle you to anything. I do not think it is because the other guys are alleged *******s, or due to you being oh so nice.

But, as has been said before, maybe it is that sense of entitlement that repels? Or maybe you are too focused on getting the girl(s) that you do not take the time to build a meaningful/ romantic bond?
There is no entitlement, neither am I an impatient sex-obsessed horny dog.
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Anonymous #3
#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Every time I try something with a girl I always get the “you’re a really nice guy but....” then a bunch of **** that I don’t want to hear. I’m decent looking, i’ve been told that, and people do like me, but I’m always “just a friend”. What the **** do I have to do, I see guys who are (at the risk of sounding like a ****) inferior in most if not all respects getting into relationships without trouble.

I always try to be as good as I can to people, without compromising my assertiveness. I actively oppose misogyny and am constantly mindful of women’s needs. I’ve never been labelled as an *******, and I strive not to be one.

I don’t know whether i’m just cursed with incredibly poor coincidental fortune, but every time I talk to a girl, there is always some other guy (usually an *******) that wins the race.

Any thoughts??
I get where you are coming from. From what I have just read it seems pretty similar to my situation. This used to be very important to me like getting good with girls and stuff but like now I cringe. If you show too much attention or try too hard it fails. Just be normal like how you would be around ur guy friends.

The right one will accept you when u start being yourself. Until then just wait and focus on your goals or improving yourself. Someone will fall for u don’t worry.
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