Close friendships and non mutual feelings

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Anonymous #1
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In your experience, are most close friendships ruined when 1 develops non mutual feelings for the other?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In your experience, are most close friendships ruined when 1 develops non mutual feelings for the other?
yes depending on how much the other likes them
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yes depending on how much the other likes them
Can the woman tell how much he likes her?
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jenerous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In your experience, are most close friendships ruined when 1 develops non mutual feelings for the other?
Yes. Or at least, they get very uncomfortable.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jenerous)
Yes. Or at least, they get very uncomfortable.
And they don’t stay friends?
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In your experience, are most close friendships ruined when 1 develops non mutual feelings for the other?
From my own experience no but that may just be cuz idm I dont get awkward or deep about it
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samwright8512
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Can the woman tell how much he likes her?
yes but that still may not stop her if its a strong feeling
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Anonymous #1
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Surely it won’t be too awkward if the guy just acts as normal as possible?
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jenerous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
And they don’t stay friends?
They could. But it does cause a change (however slight) in the friendship. How much of that change occurs would depend on the type of friendship and the kinds of people they are.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jenerous)
They could. But it does cause a change (however slight) in the friendship. How much of that change occurs would depend on the type of friendship and the kinds of people they are.
If they’re close friends and see each other often.
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jenerous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Surely it won’t be too awkward if the guy just acts as normal as possible?
Obviously. It would only be explicitly non-mutual if they both know that they don't share the same sentiments over each other.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jenerous)
Obviously. It would only be explicitly non-mutual if they both know that they don't share the same sentiments over each other.
So does that mean it’s generally better not to say anything unless the person is sure?
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jenerous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If they’re close friends and see each other often.
I wouldn't be able to predict that, without knowing and being in that friendship.
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jenerous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So does that mean it’s generally better not to say anything unless the person is sure?
That would be the less-riskier option.
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anosmianAcrimony
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It depends on how the person with feelings presents it, and how much they can live with not being with the other person romantically. If the person with feelings presents it as e.g. ’’I like you and if you want to be more than friends I’d like that, but if you’d rather just be friends I’d enjoy that too’’ then that wouldn’t be particularly awkward. Or at least, different people would react to that in different ways, but it certainly wouldn’t put me off being their friend. If they present it as ’’oh, I’m madly in love with you, can we go on a date?’’ then that’s probably the end of that friendship as they knew it.

If you’re in a friendship where you’re having inescapable romantic thoughts and feelings about them but they’ve already said they’re 100% not into you like that, then it might be best to end things or spend some time apart even if it isn’t awkward per se. Don’t stay in that friendship just because you think they might come around, because the dynamics get unpleasant and it’s much better just to get your head out of that space and move on.
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OctoberRain7
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In my experience, if both people can understand and respect each other's feelings and be mature about it, it doesn't need to ruin the friendship necessarily. My best friend was into me for about a year and he told me as much, but he respected that I just wanted to be friends and it was chill (well, presumably it wasn't great for him but there's not much that could be done about that). If you're still trying to pursue someone after rejection, though, it's probably best to end the friendship.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by OctoberRain7)
In my experience, if both people can understand and respect each other's feelings and be mature about it, it doesn't need to ruin the friendship necessarily. My best friend was into me for about a year and he told me as much, but he respected that I just wanted to be friends and it was chill (well, presumably it wasn't great for him but there's not much that could be done about that). If you're still trying to pursue someone after rejection, though, it's probably best to end the friendship.
If people are close enough to each other in a nonromantic way and they really value having each other in their lives, then they’ll keep each other in their lives.

What’s your best friend like now? Is he still sort of into you or have those feelings stopped, or are you still in touch?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
It depends on how the person with feelings presents it, and how much they can live with not being with the other person romantically. If the person with feelings presents it as e.g. ’’I like you and if you want to be more than friends I’d like that, but if you’d rather just be friends I’d enjoy that too’’ then that wouldn’t be particularly awkward. Or at least, different people would react to that in different ways, but it certainly wouldn’t put me off being their friend. If they present it as ’’oh, I’m madly in love with you, can we go on a date?’’ then that’s probably the end of that friendship as they knew it.

If you’re in a friendship where you’re having inescapable romantic thoughts and feelings about them but they’ve already said they’re 100% not into you like that, then it might be best to end things or spend some time apart even if it isn’t awkward per se. Don’t stay in that friendship just because you think they might come around, because the dynamics get unpleasant and it’s much better just to get your head out of that space and move on.
In what way do the dynamics get unpleasant?
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In what way do the dynamics get unpleasant?
To be fair they often don’t get unpleasant; this doesn’t always happen. But the danger is, the friendship can become somewhat lopsided. The romantic pursuer can get into a headspace where they are willing to sacrifice more for the other person than the other person is for them. They do favours for the person they have feelings for and listen to their problems and try to help, more than the other person is doing those things for them, because they feel that if they show that they care for the other person enough, or just make themselves indispensable, then there might be some romantic chances. And the person they have feelings for essentially exploits that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
To be fair they often don’t get unpleasant; this doesn’t always happen. But the danger is, the friendship can become somewhat lopsided. The romantic pursuer can get into a headspace where they are willing to sacrifice more for the other person than the other person is for them. They do favours for the person they have feelings for and listen to their problems and try to help, more than the other person is doing those things for them, because they feel that if they show that they care for the other person enough, or just make themselves indispensable, then there might be some romantic chances. And the person they have feelings for essentially exploits that.
So do you think it’s normally the pursuer that cuts off the friendship? Since in most cases the pursued is probably more than willing to take advantage of the benefits they get for not giving much in return. Especially if they know the pursuer won’t make them feel uncomfortable.
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