Why are some south Asian guys like this?

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Anonymous #1
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I’ve been with my boyfriend for quite awhile, we were talking about marriage and he wants me to stay with his family for a few years. I said no that’s too long and now he’s not been talking to me. Why do south Asian guys expect this from us? He’s giving me the silent treatment until I agree
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anosmianAcrimony
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He sounds very immature, but I don’t think it’s fair to call that a South Asian thing. There are plenty of immature guys from all the regions of the world.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
He sounds very immature, but I don’t think it’s fair to call that a South Asian thing. There are plenty of immature guys from all the regions of the world.
I’m south Asian myself, but I always see this happening in the community. I don’t understand the concept of the girl having to leave her family but the guy not being able to move out 10 minutes away from him
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TJ1997
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Generalising 101 but a lot of them just hold on to the archaic values of Asian culture, nothing more, nothing less..
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The-evil-potato
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m south Asian myself, but I always see this happening in the community. I don’t understand the concept of the girl having to leave her family but the guy not being able to move out 10 minutes away from him
I agree, I feel like it’s quite a backwards/ traditional mentality. I feel like it’s unfair on the girl when a situation like this arises as it’s sometimes expected of her to move in with the guys family ( unless she’s fine with it obviously)
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jenerous
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Because that's what he's been taught and seen as being the norm throughout his life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by The-evil-potato)
I agree, I feel like it’s quite a backwards/ traditional mentality. I feel like it’s unfair on the girl when a situation like this arises as it’s sometimes expected of her to move in with the guys family ( unless she’s fine with it obviously)
He’s saying that it’s not unfair and how culture isn’t even backwards and blabla. He’s saying now it’s either I accept it or he’s going :/
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Kovalensky
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r u also south asian?
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Anonymous #2
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Nope don’t do it. I am south Asian here and married into south Asian family.
Living with in laws is a nightmare. I’ve put up with living with them for nearly 4 years. Got married at 21 and was head over heels for my now husband soo didn’t think much of living with them. Big mistake.
Say goodbye to private time with your husband while you have to prepare food with his sisters and mum for all the men while they sit on their arse. The only private time you’ll get is in your bedroom or going out.
Fast forward three years and thankfully because we were working, managed to save up for a house in a better area which left them fuming. It even came to a point where I was 36 weeks pregnant and were told my mil and fil they’re not happy with us for moving out. And by the way, their own daughters don’t live with their in laws. They never even bothered helping their son but instead took money from him so he couldn’t save for a house. Luckily I was working and saved most of it. Hehe. Probably wouldn’t have been able to save for a house if I wasn’t living with them but the other option would’ve been me at my family home and saving. Wouldn’t have minded renting either, not worth the hassle. You will lose many years of privacy and fun before you settle down
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The-evil-potato
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He’s saying that it’s not unfair and how culture isn’t even backwards and blabla. He’s saying now it’s either I accept it or he’s going :/
I’m not gonna lie, I don’t really have much experience but he is definitely not in the right here going off of what what you have said
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TreeFellOnMe
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can't speak for all but as a south asian guy I don't really care about that stuff, I'd just go straight to marriage. Silent treatment is pretty immature.
Last edited by TreeFellOnMe; 1 month ago
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Joleee
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m south Asian myself, but I always see this happening in the community. I don’t understand the concept of the girl having to leave her family but the guy not being able to move out 10 minutes away from him
are you giving advice to yourself?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
are you giving advice to yourself?
No, I was replying back to a person that said I’m generalising
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nope don’t do it. I am south Asian here and married into south Asian family.
Living with in laws is a nightmare. I’ve put up with living with them for nearly 4 years. Got married at 21 and was head over heels for my now husband soo didn’t think much of living with them. Big mistake.
Say goodbye to private time with your husband while you have to prepare food with his sisters and mum for all the men while they sit on their arse. The only private time you’ll get is in your bedroom or going out.
Fast forward three years and thankfully because we were working, managed to save up for a house in a better area which left them fuming. It even came to a point where I was 36 weeks pregnant and were told my mil and fil they’re not happy with us for moving out. And by the way, their own daughters don’t live with their in laws. They never even bothered helping their son but instead took money from him so he couldn’t save for a house. Luckily I was working and saved most of it. Hehe. Probably wouldn’t have been able to save for a house if I wasn’t living with them but the other option would’ve been me at my family home and saving. Wouldn’t have minded renting either, not worth the hassle. You will lose many years of privacy and fun before you settle down
That’s what I’ve heard too, that it’s better to live separate from your in laws as it creates more problems. I understand living with them if you want to save money, but his point is even if we did have to money we’re not aloud to move out after 3-5 years. I don’t get it either because his family don’t even treat him the greatest🤦*♀️
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londonmyst
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Because those type of guys are traditionalists.
In the habit of automatically obeying their parents, conforming to family tradition & ancient cultural customs, respecting their elders and expecting their future wife to share these values.
Plenty of similar traditionalists guys & girls of others ethnicities and a variety of religious persuasions.
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Gaddafi
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I don't live with my parents currently and don't plan on moving back in (although that is work related.)

I don't like embracing modern culture in general though. I prefer traditionalism. Some Asians still do, although we're diminishing in numbers as the years go by.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s what I’ve heard too, that it’s better to live separate from your in laws as it creates more problems. I understand living with them if you want to save money, but his point is even if we did have to money we’re not aloud to move out after 3-5 years. I don’t get it either because his family don’t even treat him the greatest🤦*♀️
Oh yes, it’s exactly the same here. He gets treated like crap to be honest, his sisters are treated like royalty. Stuff has been even said to me where I think they wouldn’t say this to their own daughters but fail to recognise I’m somebody else’s daughter and my parents would be pretty devastated if they knew what’s been said to me. It’s a way of control for them to get everything their way by making their son stay. They will use every type of blackmail in the book to get you to stay and unfortunately use the daughter in law as a slave. I’m sorry but you will come into a lot of trouble if you go through with this. Just from this he’s willing to listen to his parents’ unreasonable requests than even giving you a chance to voice your concerns.
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