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living with step mum in new house

Hi

I'm actually a parent so sorry for gatecrashing your forum!

I am having a real struggle understanding my 23 daughter and I thought maybe others on here may have some advice.

I seperated from my daughters mum about 10 years ago. She lived solely with me until going to university several years ago. She then left and came home to live with me again bringing her boyfriend. My new wife has a flat she normally lets commercially and we agreed to let my daughter and her boyfriend move in at a low rent. My daughter suffered a lot of trauma at the hands of her then boyfriend which meant inpatient psychiatric admission. She moved back to my home but was very unfriendly and disrespectful towards her stepmother who now dreads her visits. My daughter then left again for university and now lives there with a new boyfriend, but has been home during the last year during lockdown.
My wife and I are now in the process of moving home. My daughter is adamant that she should have her own bedroom in our new house which I am happy to provide (my wife less so) but on the basis that she is respectful. She feels I am making her homeless by not giving her unconditional rights to stay and is very angry with her stepmother who she feels is to blame. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Reply 1

one_two_three

She's 23 so is capable of living on her own so cannot make demands on you. If she is respectful and you are happy for her to have a room at your new house then she should appreciate that fact.

It sounds like she has a bit of a chip on her shoulder about having a step mum, and admittedly I do not know the full details, but from the fact that your wife let your daughter live in her apartment at a reduced rate when she didn't have to and your daughter returned to your current property it does not sound like this is justified. It is yours and your wife's house and your daughter needs to accept that and stop behaving like a child because over the 18 she has no rights in the situation and anything she is given is because you want to and she needs to learn that.