My mum still gives me bed-time rules - I am 21.. erm, help?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I've actually developed anxiety because of this. I think she's a narcissist as she lacks empathy or understanding.
If things don't go her way, she simply blocks/mutes me on whatsapp lol.

I get really stressed out by her bed-time routine for me, as I am no longer a child. I am an adult. Sure, I financially depend on my parents (unfortunately) as a student and live under their roof but I believe what she is doing isn't right.

Am I in the wrong? Maybe I am overreacting? I really don't know.

Attachment 1019491
Attachment 1019492
1
reply
TasteLikeChicken
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Asian parents, eh?

Time to move out, I think. My parents are similarly controlling (I'm 23, 24 in under a month...yikes) and I've had enough, so I'm moving out soon. Though they won't let me... Anyway, back to you. Would moving out be a realistic option?
3
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by TasteLikeChicken)
Asian parents, eh?

Time to move out, I think. My parents are similarly controlling (I'm 23, 24 in under a month...yikes) and I've had enough, so I'm moving out soon. Though they won't let me... Anyway, back to you. Would moving out be a realistic option?
Lol, yes.

Moving out hopefully in the future, but it would be impossible now.

I feel better though, now that I know I am not the only one.

Thank you
0
reply
black tea
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
I don't see where she is telling you what time to go to bed
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by black tea)
I don't see where she is telling you what time to go to bed
I said so myself here. I don’t understand what you mean. Could you kindly be more clear?
Thanks
0
reply
MaryAux
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've actually developed anxiety because of this. I think she's a narcissist as she lacks empathy or understanding.
If things don't go her way, she simply blocks/mutes me on whatsapp lol.

I get really stressed out by her bed-time routine for me, as I am no longer a child. I am an adult. Sure, I financially depend on my parents (unfortunately) as a student and live under their roof but I believe what she is doing isn't right.

Am I in the wrong? Maybe I am overreacting? I really don't know.

Attachment 1019491
Attachment 1019492
It's a normal behavior of any parents, so try to earn money for а rent and move out. After i think you become more independent and responsible when will live alone.
0
reply
Catherine1973
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
I think them telling you to be quiet after x time is reasonable if it stops then sleeping, is that what you mean?
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by MaryAux)
It's a normal behavior of any parents, so try to earn money for а rent and move out. After i think you become more independent and responsible when will live alone.
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Catherine1973)
I think them telling you to be quiet after x time is reasonable if it stops then sleeping, is that what you mean?
No, it isn’t about me being noisy at a certain time. She wants me to do as she says regardless of whether it has to do with what time I eat and always being present at the dinner table even though I have a lot of work to do, when I sleep etc. She wants to control me (at least that’s how I see it).

It’s like she sets a curfew for me depending on her mood, which I have to conform to.

For example, the other day, she was still awake after 1am. When she goes to sleep, she expects me to do the same.

A few days ago, she was really tired and went to sleep at 11:30am. She told me I have to as well.

It’s messing up my whole schedule.
0
reply
ROTL94
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
Firstly, well done for standing up to her, many people here who post about these issues don't do that. Secondly, you've asserted what you will and won't be doing, stick to it or find some way to make her believe you are and look at alternative living arrangements or compromise.
0
reply
SMEGGGY
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
Say no
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by ROTL94)
Firstly, well done for standing up to her, many people here who post about these issues don't do that. Secondly, you've asserted what you will and won't be doing, stick to it or find some way to make her believe you are and look at alternative living arrangements or compromise.
Thank you for understanding me.

On one hand, I feel terrible because my parents financially provide for me and give me a roof over my head.
On the other, I just feel like they treat me like I am just an extension of themselves.
I don’t have a mind. I don’t have feelings. I don’t have an opinion. I don’t have a right to say what i prefer - it has to happen their way. Their way is the only right way.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by SMEGGGY)
Say no
She doesn’t take no for an answer lol
0
reply
ROTL94
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for understanding me.

On one hand, I feel terrible because my parents financially provide for me and give me a roof over my head.
On the other, I just feel like they treat me like I am just an extension of themselves.
I don’t have a mind. I don’t have feelings. I don’t have an opinion. I don’t have a right to say what i prefer - it has to happen their way. Their way is the only right way.
No bother, I at least try to understand where people who are posting about genuine (key word) issues on this site are coming from.

Yeah, I can see where your view that she is a narcissist is coming from. Do you give her any rent money out of your Student Finance or did you not take out the maintenance loan?
0
reply
TasteLikeChicken
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
Lol, yes.

Moving out hopefully in the future, but it would be impossible now.

I feel better though, now that I know I am not the only one.

Thank you
Glad I could help, even if a little.

I will say to everyone, it is very hard to move out of strict Asian family homes. You get guilt tripped, they suggest you hate them for moving away, oldest sons (like I am) are meant to live with the family for a long time and provide for them, it is much more difficult than the average Western family dynamic (absolutely not saying that Westerners have it easy in all cases, just that, on average, Western culture allows for more freedom- there certainty are exceptions). But I'm glad OP seems to have some sort of a plan.

Feel free to make an account (if you don't have one) and PM me whenever you want about this.
0
reply
anosmianAcrimony
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
She doesn’t take no for an answer lol
What happens if you just don’t go to bed when you’re told, and you just let her block/mute you on Whatsapp for however long she wants to?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by ROTL94)
No bother, I at least try to understand where people who are posting about genuine (key word) issues on this site are coming from.

Yeah, I can see where your view that she is a narcissist is coming from. Do you give her any rent money out of your Student Finance or did you not take out the maintenance loan?
Actually, neither. I study abroad ( I am currently in a gap year due to medical reasons, not major though, so at home with my parents) and so can’t get any loans. My parents finance everything. That’s why I feel like crap and it looks like I am a self- entitled brat.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#18
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by TasteLikeChicken)
Glad I could help, even if a little.

I will say to everyone, it is very hard to move out of strict Asian family homes. You get guilt tripped, they suggest you hate them for moving away, oldest sons (like I am) are meant to live with the family for a long time and provide for them, it is much more difficult than the average Western family dynamic (absolutely not saying that Westerners have it easy in all cases, just that, on average, Western culture allows for more freedom- there certainty are exceptions). But I'm glad OP seems to have some sort of a plan.

Feel free to make an account (if you don't have one) and PM me whenever you want about this.
Thank you! It truly means a lot. We have a similar background so can relate in some ways. I come from a central Asian and Middle Eastern(though not Arab lol) background. On top of that, my mother is definitely narcisstic and father just tags along with whatever she has to say. It’s not really just to do with background. My mother has issues which I’ve never told anyone about. Plus, I am female and an only child - don’t know what difference that makes lol but just wanted to throw that out there as well lol.

I think I will make a separate post here about my mother’s issues just cause it’s not just about what time I have to sleep. My situation is not that simple.

Thank you again!! Really appreciate it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#19
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
What happens if you just don’t go to bed when you’re told, and you just let her block/mute you on Whatsapp for however long she wants to?
She sends me emails lol. She harasses me. Sometimes I mute her WhatsApp messages - actually I will retract what I said before. I block or mute her at night most of the time cause she continually harasses me.
She messages me on messenger lol. She calls me in our own home!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#20
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#20
I’ve been contemplating whether I should do this but I guess there’s no point in claiming my mother is narcissistic when it doesn’t seem that way from my initial post. Being an only child makes it even worse. My mother is narcissistic and my father is the enabler.

Her interference in my life is to the point where I felt suicidal and depressed a few months ago. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that low in my life.
I have come very far from what I used to be.
Sorry about the wall of text but this is what I had written a few months back (the link below).
https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=6663548

Not all people have loving parents. Yes, they financially provide for me and do everything for me, buy me expensive things and throw money my way but they don’t respect me. Don’t love me but I was brainwashed all my life to think this was how parents show their love. Spending money on you = love. That’s how I always saw it.


Honestly, everything sounds cheesy but I honestly don’t know how I’ve survived so far.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Should the school day be extended to help students catch up?

Yes (96)
27.67%
No (251)
72.33%

Watched Threads

View All