Someone asked me out, how do I say no nicely??

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Ok so this boy asked me out over Snapchat, and I’m really panicking because we are friends but I don’t like him in that way. I feel really bad though as he is a good friend to me, but I don’t know how to say no in a friendly nice way. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, please help!
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Anonymous #2
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Say you're not particularly interested in pursuing a relationship like that at the moment, but that you really appreciate his friendship and you hope he's not upset about your response. Maybe give him some space for a few days afterwards. At the end of the day, you're better off being honest now than stringing him along, and while it's perfectly normal to be a bit upset about a rejection, anyone that gets irrationally angry or blames you for something you can't control isn't really worth being friends with anyway, so even if the response is pretty bad you've at least learnt something about your friend
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Anonymous #3
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tell him you value his friend ship and don't want to ruin it if things don't work out
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Zarek
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Say you’ve got your eye on someone else or that you’re not looking for a relationship
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so this boy asked me out over Snapchat, and I’m really panicking because we are friends but I don’t like him in that way. I feel really bad though as he is a good friend to me, but I don’t know how to say no in a friendly nice way. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, please help!
Just say you are a good friend but no
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Say you're not particularly interested in pursuing a relationship like that at the moment, but that you really appreciate his friendship and you hope he's not upset about your response. Maybe give him some space for a few days afterwards. At the end of the day, you're better off being honest now than stringing him along, and while it's perfectly normal to be a bit upset about a rejection, anyone that gets irrationally angry or blames you for something you can't control isn't really worth being friends with anyway, so even if the response is pretty bad you've at least learnt something about your friend
^^^ Good advice, PRSOM
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anonymous#192
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Just tell him that you don’t see him that way - you only see him as a friend. Or that you’re not interested in a relationship at the moment (though this may lead him to think there’s still a chance if he hangs along for a while until you’re ‘ready’)
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Kovalensky
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You can't reject someone and not hurt his feelings so just be honest.
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Kovalensky
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(Original post by anonymous#192)
Just tell him that you don’t see him that way - you only see him as a friend. Or that you’re not interested in a relationship at the moment (though this may lead him to think there’s still a chance if he hangs along for a while until you’re ‘ready’)
It's also a lie which is the more important consideration.
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Aimee9675
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yes just say you aren't looking for a relationship rn because you want to focus on something else (I always say my studies)
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Kovalensky
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(Original post by Aimee9675)
yes just say you aren't looking for a relationship rn because you want to focus on something else (I always say my studies)
or don't be a liar and just say you're interested in them/don't see them that way/only like them as friends.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Say you're not particularly interested in pursuing a relationship like that at the moment, but that you really appreciate his friendship and you hope he's not upset about your response. Maybe give him some space for a few days afterwards. At the end of the day, you're better off being honest now than stringing him along, and while it's perfectly normal to be a bit upset about a rejection, anyone that gets irrationally angry or blames you for something you can't control isn't really worth being friends with anyway, so even if the response is pretty bad you've at least learnt something about your friend
(Original post by Aimee9675)
yes just say you aren't looking for a relationship rn because you want to focus on something else (I always say my studies)
and then what happens when shortly after you feed him that excuse some new guy comes along who you like and you start dating, and the guy you rejected realised he's been lied to?

or what happens when the guy you reject thinks he still has a chance with you, because you've given the excuse of not ready/focusing on studies and he decides to "wait" for you. potentially wasting months or even years of his life and perhaps even rejecting other girls because he still thinks he has a shot with you?
Last edited by ANM775; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #5
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Tell him you have a boyfriend online or are already in a long distance relationship
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TFEU
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It’s quite difficult to reject someone without hurting their feelings. Maybe just that you really enjoy your friendship? You are currently focusing on your school/uni/career? I usually just say I’m not in a mental place to date anyone until I have my career sorted out.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by ANM775)
and then what happens when shortly after you feed him that excuse some new guy comes along who you like and you start dating, and the guy you rejected realised he's been lied to?

or what happens when the guy you reject thinks he still has a chance with you, because you've given the excuse of not ready/focusing on studies and he decides to "wait" for you. potentially wasting months or even years of his life and perhaps even rejecting other girls because he still thinks he has a shot with you?
That's precisely why I used the phrase 'a relationship like that'. Keeps it vague, but gets the message across without being too harsh. Also, people and circumstances change - you can say that one day and then feel differently a month later. That's just life.

And anyone that 'wastes years of their life rejecting other people because they think they still have a shot with you' is not the kind of person I'd advise dating anyway.
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Figureitout12
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Just say no, from experiences, sugar coating it or explaining the issue makes it worse. Straight up just say you don't like them like that and give them space and time
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HoldThisL
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Say you're not particularly interested in pursuing a relationship like that at the moment, but that you really appreciate his friendship and you hope he's not upset about your response. Maybe give him some space for a few days afterwards.
this is generally good advice except giving him space - if you pull that off wrong he'll think you're not really good friends, that he's made it awkard, or its best to part ways. of course if either of you want/need space, absolutely, but otherwise it would be better to continue as normally as possible
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Qxi.xli
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so this boy asked me out over Snapchat, and I’m really panicking because we are friends but I don’t like him in that way. I feel really bad though as he is a good friend to me, but I don’t know how to say no in a friendly nice way. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, please help!
I've noticed that if you say "sorry" right after, they tend to know that your desicision is definite and won't pursue.
Last edited by Qxi.xli; 1 month ago
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Qxi.xli
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#19
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(Original post by Aimee9675)
yes just say you aren't looking for a relationship rn because you want to focus on something else (I always say my studies)
(Original post by anonymous#192)
Just tell him that you don’t see him that way - you only see him as a friend. Or that you’re not interested in a relationship at the moment (though this may lead him to think there’s still a chance if he hangs along for a while until you’re ‘ready’)
(Original post by Zarek)
Say you’ve got your eye on someone else or that you’re not looking for a relationship
(Original post by Anonymous)
Say you're not particularly interested in pursuing a relationship like that at the moment, but that you really appreciate his friendship and you hope he's not upset about your response. Maybe give him some space for a few days afterwards. At the end of the day, you're better off being honest now than stringing him along, and while it's perfectly normal to be a bit upset about a rejection, anyone that gets irrationally angry or blames you for something you can't control isn't really worth being friends with anyway, so even if the response is pretty bad you've at least learnt something about your friend
Don't say "I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment". They'll feel as though they still have a chance and may still be hung up. They're not gonna get full closure this way. Instead tell them the truth.
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok so this boy asked me out over Snapchat, and I’m really panicking because we are friends but I don’t like him in that way. I feel really bad though as he is a good friend to me, but I don’t know how to say no in a friendly nice way. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, please help!
How good a friend is he? And what did you say initially?
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