Potential Boyfriend lost his Virginity to another man?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I really don't know how I should be feeling about this?

To be brief, gay lad, been speaking to another lad since December 2019 off a dating app. We was planning to meet March 2020 for a coffee, but because of COVID, we haven't as of yet. I am in the Shielding group, so I have pretty much been locked in since march 20, and we both decided to be safe and meetup when things are more back to normal or at least once I am fully vaccinated. We have been slowly developing a a friendship relationship what's been developing a bit beyond friends since 6-8 months ago.

Anyway, past year we have grown very close, both into a lot of things, similar personalities, Introverts, geeky interests, etc. Sexually, we both virgins, he's never had any experience with anybody, and I have just has minor experiences. We finally swapped personal details February and moved from chatting on the dating app to on Whatsapp everyday now.

Que back this year in March 2021, he's naturally a shy lad and anxious (and factored this into when we first meet e.g. panic attacks, anxiety and I said I will support him 100% when we meetup and just be open and honest about anything) and he told me one morning hes going on the train to the next town over to see a friend and first time since last year and I was like okay have fun and keep safe, jokey comment I am jel he can get out. He told me he went for "exercise" and a walk around the town with his friend for a catch-up.

So tonight, he said something which made my ears perk up a bit about a "toy" and I asked him how he managed to feel it and see what its like, and he basically admitted to me, that he met with a friend and lost his virginity to him in the woods, and it was the best experience of his life and wouldn't change it.

My heart sunk and I am hurt. We was speaking about virginity, and how our relationship has been developing, we was looking once we met a few times in real life that we loose it together. Personally, I wanted to loose it with him together both as Virgins, and he's gone and lost it with another lad. He's talking to me still, like he wants a relationship with me, in fact he spoke about this what he did so casually, but I don't know how to feel about this at all?

To me, it is such a weird position, he's not my boyfriend, but we are close, but, we never met in person, in fact, that lad he had sex with was the first time he met him in person and not known him long either. Yet me been planning going slow and both in agreement at the time.

I don't feel I can get past this feeling, but I don't know if I should feel this way? Hearing this off him tonight has put me off him 95% of meeting really and anything else.

If we did have sex, I would want to see proof he even had a full sexual health screening as he didn't wear protection either as it was "natural and progressive in the moment".

I have noticed past month only he's been "lax" with messaging back, even opening messages and not replying, a red flag in my head but one I put down to his mental health. I guess I see why maybe he has been quieter. Although our verbal chats have been normal.

Yet tonight we have been speaking together for hours like the most we ever done and clicked the best we have until he told me what he did. I have taken note he's told me every graphic detail, and I did say oh wow and basic replies to it to be polite, but really I couldn't care. I just feel like I have wasted a good 17 months with him, to then do another man behind my back.

I feel now if I lost my V to him, I'm now being compared to this other lad, and it wont be special for him as he lost it, and to be honest I don't feel he deserves my V now.

Such a weird situation to be in. I like him a lot, but feel so hurt now. Yet, we aren't in a relationship. Its that weird bit before. And just not sure where to go now with it, Am I still in the picture or is he interested in this lad he lost it to?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I really don't know how I should be feeling about this?

To be brief, gay lad, been speaking to another lad since December 2019 off a dating app. We was planning to meet March 2020 for a coffee, but because of COVID, we haven't as of yet. I am in the Shielding group, so I have pretty much been locked in since march 20, and we both decided to be safe and meetup when things are more back to normal or at least once I am fully vaccinated. We have been slowly developing a a friendship relationship what's been developing a bit beyond friends since 6-8 months ago.

Anyway, past year we have grown very close, both into a lot of things, similar personalities, Introverts, geeky interests, etc. Sexually, we both virgins, he's never had any experience with anybody, and I have just has minor experiences. We finally swapped personal details February and moved from chatting on the dating app to on Whatsapp everyday now.

Que back this year in March 2021, he's naturally a shy lad and anxious (and factored this into when we first meet e.g. panic attacks, anxiety and I said I will support him 100% when we meetup and just be open and honest about anything) and he told me one morning hes going on the train to the next town over to see a friend and first time since last year and I was like okay have fun and keep safe, jokey comment I am jel he can get out. He told me he went for "exercise" and a walk around the town with his friend for a catch-up.

So tonight, he said something which made my ears perk up a bit about a "toy" and I asked him how he managed to feel it and see what its like, and he basically admitted to me, that he met with a friend and lost his virginity to him in the woods, and it was the best experience of his life and wouldn't change it.

My heart sunk and I am hurt. We was speaking about virginity, and how our relationship has been developing, we was looking once we met a few times in real life that we loose it together. Personally, I wanted to loose it with him together both as Virgins, and he's gone and lost it with another lad. He's talking to me still, like he wants a relationship with me, in fact he spoke about this what he did so casually, but I don't know how to feel about this at all?

To me, it is such a weird position, he's not my boyfriend, but we are close, but, we never met in person, in fact, that lad he had sex with was the first time he met him in person and not known him long either. Yet me been planning going slow and both in agreement at the time.

I don't feel I can get past this feeling, but I don't know if I should feel this way? Hearing this off him tonight has put me off him 95% of meeting really and anything else.

If we did have sex, I would want to see proof he even had a full sexual health screening as he didn't wear protection either as it was "natural and progressive in the moment".

I have noticed past month only he's been "lax" with messaging back, even opening messages and not replying, a red flag in my head but one I put down to his mental health. I guess I see why maybe he has been quieter. Although our verbal chats have been normal.

Yet tonight we have been speaking together for hours like the most we ever done and clicked the best we have until he told me what he did. I have taken note he's told me every graphic detail, and I did say oh wow and basic replies to it to be polite, but really I couldn't care. I just feel like I have wasted a good 17 months with him, to then do another man behind my back.

I feel now if I lost my V to him, I'm now being compared to this other lad, and it wont be special for him as he lost it, and to be honest I don't feel he deserves my V now.

Such a weird situation to be in. I like him a lot, but feel so hurt now. Yet, we aren't in a relationship. Its that weird bit before. And just not sure where to go now with it, Am I still in the picture or is he interested in this lad he lost it to?
tbh you can't really expect him to wait over a year for you..

but then again i'm ngl, If I was in your shoes i'd be mad as hell.

He has shown tremendous insensitivity too by essentially boasting about it. I honestly wouldn't be able to tolerate that level of disrespect and would dump them/stop speaking to them..
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