WWYD if you hate your ex but can't tell him? (highschool relationship)

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Anonymous #1
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soo this is not about me in any way, but I'm asking cuz I'm curious and want to help someone in the following situation:

there's a girl who dated her best friend and after about 4 months, the guy comes out as bisexual to her younger sister, before telling his girlfriend. the girl gets mad, but forgives it.

eventually, the siblings of both of these people start dating and due to lockdown, the original people dating each other get distant. they meet up often, but the boy tells everyone that he wants a break up, including the girls sister and mom. the girl is not aware.

eventually, she finds out he is dumping her and not long after, she realises everyone around her knew of this.

to this date, she has not talked to him, despite having to sit next to each other in lessons and this boy also being part of her friendship group that she sees everyday.

their family even made covid bubbles before the event and they never communicated.

if the girl gets mad, she doesn't want the friendship group to be entirely weirded out. and nor does she want to affect her sisters relationship with her exes brother.

her ex is not aware of how mad she is.

what should she do?
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Lennon51
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We all make mistakes.

It would've been greater for commenters if you'd have given insight to the character of both the boyfriend and girlfriend's relationship. It would've also been great if you'd told us about the explanations of what why he went to the Sister and Mother, when the girlfriend found out that he had spoken to her sister regarding bisexuality to confirm his explanation against preconceived notions from him if he was scared, anxious or gossiped...

To give you my thoughts, a hint of future lack of openness or trust would be that he went to the sister of his girlfriend speaking of coming out of being bisexual, only considering the circumstances by which it was first discussed. Why first discussions? Because they give you more insight into the 'crime scene' The port-of-call would be that he should've discussed bisexuality with her first. The guy evidently thinks he can gossip about it before telling his girlfriend, the person he 'supposedly' values above all-else.

He should apologise for gossiping to her Mother & Sister before directly communicating with his pre-dumped girlfriend.

Additionally, I'm unsure why the Mother didn't tell her daughter? Either bad parenting by means of being too cuddly with the Boyfriend and forgetting the implications (anger) this will have on her Daughter due to gossip.

A few speculations:

(1) He could have had more of a relationship with the Sister & Mother for his girlfriend to be the initial person to be directly spoken with.

(2) He was scared or worried and asked for advise yet didn't enact and so therefore was gossip.

Questions:
Why didn't you leave him after initially admitting bisexuality?

For this matter, you could pick many negative emotions explaining why he may have ran and gossiped to others aside from coming clean. This is why you need a definitive answer from him for clarity. Think interrogation (yet mild) It's in her right to be mad. He hasn't played himself well on the outskirts (an outside perspective like myself) at all. He has dodged any sense of speaking to her and dumping her, the girlfriend eventually found out herself from your words.

In my opinion she should realize all of this first. By either agreeing with what I have to say as a reality by the way that he should've handled the situation. If this is now true and she does agree with me, she should confront him upon his actions and find out the truth and make him think upon his actions reflecting how it made his post-dumped girlfriend feel; Hopefully make him realize his wrong-doings and apologise for gossiping to everyone within her perimeter. Discuss how it made the girlfriend feel to the ex-boyfriend. If he runs off or shrugs your feelings of, he clearly declined in his utmost care toward his pre-dumped girlfriend somewhere in the mix.

The resolution depends upon what the vision of the girlfriend is now, speaking of her social circle. How does she want to resolve the emotional conflict? And how her actions now will reflect how she deals with similar circumstances in the future.
Last edited by Lennon51; 4 months ago
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bones-mccoy
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Sounds messy. I'm not sure why the girl is so angry other than because he told other people he wanted to break up with her, rather than disuss it with her in the first place.
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