Struggling with jealousy and feelings for my ex.

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Anonymous #1
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Me and my ex broke up last year. His decision, I adored him. Trouble is that even 7 or 8 months down the line my feelings for him are just as strong. I've tried 'putting myself out there' and talking to new people (just feels forced and not right), I've trying 'focusing on myself', going out with friends, reminding myself of why things didn't work out. But I'm still besotted. He's moved on and has a new girlfriend and the thought of it makes me feel so bitter and angry and jealous that it hurts. I hate feeling like this. I know my relationship failed for a reason, I know it's unhealthy to feel like this but I don't know how to make it stop. I want to move on and feel normal again. Any ideas?
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TasteLikeChicken
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me and my ex broke up last year. His decision, I adored him. Trouble is that even 7 or 8 months down the line my feelings for him are just as strong. I've tried 'putting myself out there' and talking to new people (just feels forced and not right), I've trying 'focusing on myself', going out with friends, reminding myself of why things didn't work out. But I'm still besotted. He's moved on and has a new girlfriend and the thought of it makes me feel so bitter and angry and jealous that it hurts. I hate feeling like this. I know my relationship failed for a reason, I know it's unhealthy to feel like this but I don't know how to make it stop. I want to move on and feel normal again. Any ideas?
Hmm, I've been there. It took me about 8 months to feel better, and now it's been a year later and I'm pretty much over it entirely. Lockdown can make it harder to get over it, I suppose. Are you at uni or working? The old cliche of 'time heals all wounds' isn't entirely accurate, but it does help with time. The only advise I can give is keep yourself busy. I tortured myself in my mind for months (I guess because lockdown and very strict parents made me feel more trapped) and it was terrible for me. Try and see friends, reach out to them when you feel bad, and dedicate your time towards something you deem worthwhile. As cringe as it sounds, you will grow from this. Realising that you can live without the person that you thought you needed is quite a strange feeling, but it is also liberating. I'm very sorry that things have been so hard, and that I likely haven't said anything you've not heard before.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TasteLikeChicken)
Hmm, I've been there. It took me about 8 months to feel better, and now it's been a year later and I'm pretty much over it entirely. Lockdown can make it harder to get over it, I suppose. Are you at uni or working? The old cliche of 'time heals all wounds' isn't entirely accurate, but it does help with time. The only advise I can give is keep yourself busy. I tortured myself in my mind for months (I guess because lockdown and very strict parents made me feel more trapped) and it was terrible for me. Try and see friends, reach out to them when you feel bad, and dedicate your time towards something you deem worthwhile. As cringe as it sounds, you will grow from this. Realising that you can live without the person that you thought you needed is quite a strange feeling, but it is also liberating. I'm very sorry that things have been so hard, and that I likely haven't said anything you've not heard before.
Thanks for your reply! Yeah lockdown has not been a good time to go through this! I am working but I actually work with my so I see him quite a lot still. He doesn't rub anything in my face or talk about people he's dating but other people still gossip (I have asked them to keep it away from me). It feels really sad to see the person I used to be closest to and now we act like complete strangers with nothing more than 'hi'.
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TasteLikeChicken
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply! Yeah lockdown has not been a good time to go through this! I am working but I actually work with my so I see him quite a lot still. He doesn't rub anything in my face or talk about people he's dating but other people still gossip (I have asked them to keep it away from me). It feels really sad to see the person I used to be closest to and now we act like complete strangers with nothing more than 'hi'.
Oh man, that does suck. Is moving jobs at all possible? I know it's easier said than done, especially with the current climate. It can't be a good working environment when people are gossiping and you see him everyday. I'm sorry things are so hard. This is all just assumption. but perhaps seeing him so much is making it harder to get over it?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TasteLikeChicken)
Oh man, that does suck. Is moving jobs at all possible? I know it's easier said than done, especially with the current climate. It can't be a good working environment when people are gossiping and you see him everyday. I'm sorry things are so hard. This is all just assumption. but perhaps seeing him so much is making it harder to get over it?
It definitely makes it harder! It's like a slap in the face every time I see him because it's a constant reminder. He isn't purposefully making me feel that way but I'm really struggling with the feeling that someone who mattered that much to me now doesn't think about me, rejected me and acts like i barely exist. I think it's worse than having a difficult ex because at least then you have some form of acknowledgement. I feel like I don't exist and he's erased any trace of me. It's awful.

I have considered moving jobs but thought why should I give someone that much power over my life? I like my job!
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TasteLikeChicken
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It definitely makes it harder! It's like a slap in the face every time I see him because it's a constant reminder. He isn't purposefully making me feel that way but I'm really struggling with the feeling that someone who mattered that much to me now doesn't think about me, rejected me and acts like i barely exist. I think it's worse than having a difficult ex because at least then you have some form of acknowledgement. I feel like I don't exist and he's erased any trace of me. It's awful.

I have considered moving jobs but thought why should I give someone that much power over my life? I like my job!
I fully understand you, it must really suck. And good point about the job, if you like it then you don't want to give it up. I'm really sorry, I have no advice past this. Just the generic 'it'll get better with time' which you've heard a million times before, I'm sure.
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Anonymous #2
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Why did he break up with you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why did he break up with you
He turned round one day, completely out of the blue and told me he just didn't like me.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me and my ex broke up last year. His decision, I adored him. Trouble is that even 7 or 8 months down the line my feelings for him are just as strong. I've tried 'putting myself out there' and talking to new people (just feels forced and not right), I've trying 'focusing on myself', going out with friends, reminding myself of why things didn't work out. But I'm still besotted. He's moved on and has a new girlfriend and the thought of it makes me feel so bitter and angry and jealous that it hurts. I hate feeling like this. I know my relationship failed for a reason, I know it's unhealthy to feel like this but I don't know how to make it stop. I want to move on and feel normal again. Any ideas?
Same!! What sucks is with mine we still talk and we have chemistry like I've never felt. What happened was he had to move over 2 hours away so we couldn't be together. I get how you feel, I still feel just as strong and he never leaves my mind.
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Zarek
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I’ve been there too. She was a colleague and it definitely helped when she left. You’re doing all the right things, it just needs a bit more time. Hopefully restrictions on normal life lifting might help too. New and better love does come, but even now I have the occasional touch of nostalgia. Relationships are truly best and worst moments
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