Is this the wrong way to think about relationships?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I think people should date only those whom they find attractive for whatever reason.

Be it their height, their looks, penis size, wealth, celebrity, etc.

If anyone isn't happy with their relationship, they should be free to end it with no regrets or guilt. Let's say I get fat or grow moobs or a doublechin and my gf no longer finds me attractive, I think it should be normalised to say that she should leave me alone (in fact, that continuing to be with me when she's not attracted to me should be the issue, not dumping me for ''superficial" reasons)

What is more, if one loves someone for say a few years but then their love fades away, it is not evil to end the relationship. That is how much love lasted, it's not meant to be forever. People shouldn't feel bad about it.
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Awfie1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think people should date only those whom they find attractive for whatever reason.

Be it their height, their looks, penis size, wealth, celebrity, etc.

If anyone isn't happy with their relationship, they should be free to end it with no regrets or guilt. Let's say I get fat or grow moobs or a doublechin and my gf no longer finds me attractive, I think it should be normalised to say that she should leave me alone (in fact, that continuing to be with me when she's not attracted to me should be the issue, not dumping me for ''superficial" reasons)

What is more, if one loves someone for say a few years but then their love fades away, it is not evil to end the relationship. That is how much love lasted, it's not meant to be forever. People shouldn't feel bad about it.
This is a totally natural way to feel initially before you have actually found "the one" or so to speak. Despite what others will say it isn't wrong to feel this way, it might be slightly naive as obviously love is much deeper than these "superficial" things, if you don't love someone then it is wrong to stay with them permanantly, however if you did ever truly fall in love with someone who you would have initially been attracted to then you would know that it doesn't matter what time does to them as if you find their personality beautiful then those rose tinted goggles will make them look beautiful on the outside. Just don't look for flaws in people as then you will never find this. If you do break up with someone based off of looks though then its important to let them down kindly and blame yourself as oppose to their looks as this could have huge implications on their mental health. At the end of the day if two people are in love then they make the effort to look good for each other when they can. I hope you do one day find love as it will really open your eyes to what you've been blind to. Good luck
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Awfie1)
This is a totally natural way to feel initially before you have actually found "the one" or so to speak. Despite what others will say it isn't wrong to feel this way, it might be slightly naive as obviously love is much deeper than these "superficial" things, if you don't love someone then it is wrong to stay with them permanantly, however if you did ever truly fall in love with someone who you would have initially been attracted to then you would know that it doesn't matter what time does to them as if you find their personality beautiful then those rose tinted goggles will make them look beautiful on the outside. Just don't look for flaws in people as then you will never find this. If you do break up with someone based off of looks though then its important to let them down kindly and blame yourself as oppose to their looks as this could have huge implications on their mental health. At the end of the day if two people are in love then they make the effort to look good for each other when they can. I hope you do one day find love as it will really open your eyes to what you've been blind to. Good luck
This is a two-way street. That is, as I said, I wish this behaviour was more widespread and any potential gf of mine thought like this too. If I made them happy, great. If not, they should dump me.

Yeah I wouldn't enjoy it but that's because I also have been trained to think that love is something you can't rationally explain or some BS like that.

I don't look for flaws, I don't see the point in pretending that people should stay together because they used to love each other and love is forever etc.

You can love people for their personality or their kind heart or their humour, nothing I said goes against this. I'm only saying that if you no longer find their qualities attractive, be it ''superficial'' as you say like looks or ''deeper'' like their personality, you're perfectly justified in leaving them.

We shouldn't feel bad because someone doesn't find us attractive anymore.
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Awfie1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is a two-way street. That is, as I said, I wish this behaviour was more widespread and any potential gf of mine thought like this too. If I made them happy, great. If not, they should dump me.

Yeah I wouldn't enjoy it but that's because I also have been trained to think that love is something you can't rationally explain or some BS like that.

I don't look for flaws, I don't see the point in pretending that people should stay together because they used to love each other and love is forever etc.

You can love people for their personality or their kind heart or their humour, nothing I said goes against this. I'm only saying that if you no longer find their qualities attractive, be it ''superficial'' as you say like looks or ''deeper'' like their personality, you're perfectly justified in leaving them.

We shouldn't feel bad because someone doesn't find us attractive anymore.
Yeah that's right you shouldn't feel bad about it, just simply make sure you go about breaking up with them in the right way to avoid problems with their mental health. I have a friend who simply didn't find the girl he was with attractive anymore but he masked this by using a different excuse because telling someone they aren't good enough can be devastating especially if its something they can't control
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JaseyB
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I don't think anyone should stay in a relationship in which 1 or more parnters isn't truly happy, I am not saying they should head straight outta the door and run for the hills as everyone deserves a fair chance. As such anything someone isn't happy about with their partner should be discussed with said partner and said partner given a chance to try to change put things right etc.
But if after trying and things aren't going well then it's time to call an end to things and move on as that would be better than staying in a potentially toxic situation.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You can love people for their personality or their kind heart or their humour, nothing I said goes against this. I'm only saying that if you no longer find their qualities attractive, be it ''superficial'' as you say like looks or ''deeper'' like their personality, you're perfectly justified in leaving them
But if you truly love someone, why would you leave them for superficial reasons? You're better off without a person like that.

My dad finished up in a wheelchair due to illness. My mum never stopped loving him...
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OctoberRain7
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I don't think that anyone should stay with someone they're not attracted to, no matter the reason for it. Leaving would be the right choice in that scenario. With that being said, the stronger a relationship is and the greater the connection between partners the less likely this is to be an issue. You don't see couples that have been married for decades divorcing because they develop unattractive wrinkles.
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Kabzzzy
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Early on in the relationship, sure. But I'd like to think couples would communicate in long-term relationships to at least attempt to solve issues beforehand. If your girlfriend of 3 years dumps you because you're now fat, is that really a better solution to talking about it and seeing if you're willing to cut down first? I'd say there's a great level of immaturity if you're not willing to at least talk about an issue first.

Of course some things, like falling out of love, simply can't be helped. In those scenarios, yes you should be honest about it and let it go rather than dragging it out. But in a lot of cases, communication is always the answer.
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londonmyst
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No, that attitude is fine for casual relationships and hookups.
Those are based on personal convenience, attraction and lust.
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Zarek
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It’s pretty much the way things are, you can leave a relationship whenever you choose, albeit maybe with some legal commitments remaining
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