How to end a relationship amicably?

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Anonymous #1
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In particular, how do you get over the fear that the ex is going to go vindictive and try and ruin things with the new girlfriend? She still trying to get me to agree to keep things as a break and to reconsider my position in a few months time but i dont know how to get the message across that its over without her moving from bargaining to simply being destructive - the stress this is causing is unbelievable and shy of just blocking her, which seems a rather cruel and borderline cowardly way out anyway, i cant think of what to do that wont simply blow up in my face.

I've never really been in this situation as this was quite a long term relationship as well which doesnt help
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AHKS
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In particular, how do you get over the fear that the ex is going to go vindictive and try and ruin things with the new girlfriend? She still trying to get me to agree to keep things as a break and to reconsider my position in a few months time but i dont know how to get the message across that its over without her moving from bargaining to simply being destructive - the stress this is causing is unbelievable and shy of just blocking her, which seems a rather cruel and borderline cowardly way out anyway, i cant think of what to do that wont simply blow up in my face.

I've never really been in this situation as this was quite a long term relationship as well which doesnt help
The only way to deal with this is to BE HONEST but stay kind. Make it about you rather than her or the relationship then it is clearly not something she can change. Tell her that you are not the same person as when you got together and have changed your priorities and grown up with different ideas now and although you will always have very good memories of your time together and still want the best for her in the future, it won’t be with you being together. Tell her you don’t want her to waste her time waiting to see if you will change your mind after a break because you know she is worth more than that and will go on to find happiness without you. Do NOT at any point mention the idea of you finding a new girlfriend - it muddies the issue and could make her vindictive like you fear.
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StriderHort
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The longer you string them along on a 'break' the bigger any explosion will be. Rip the plaster off
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Scotney
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(Original post by AHKS)
The only way to deal with this is to BE HONEST but stay kind. Make it about you rather than her or the relationship then it is clearly not something she can change. Tell her that you are not the same person as when you got together and have changed your priorities and grown up with different ideas now and although you will always have very good memories of your time together and still want the best for her in the future, it won’t be with you being together. Tell her you don’t want her to waste her time waiting to see if you will change your mind after a break because you know she is worth more than that and will go on to find happiness without you. Do NOT at any point mention the idea of you finding a new girlfriend - it muddies the issue and could make her vindictive like you fear.
That's pretty much covered it I'd say.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In particular, how do you get over the fear that the ex is going to go vindictive and try and ruin things with the new girlfriend?
You've moved on very quickly which will be hurtful to her and raise some questions about possible overlap. I would just tell her straight it's a break up not a break and you are going to block her which will help both of you in the long run.
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Zarek
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A break seems to be an attempt to ease the initial wrench of a long term relationship break up. If you have another gf lined up I would definitely avoid this as it comes across as an even bigger betrayal. Acknowledging the good times and offering friendship is about as good as it can get. Agree it is cruel to block without a reason but it is not unreasonable if her behaviour shows she cannot live with friendship. No easy way in these situations but a bit of respect and compassion is honourable.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Zarek)
A break seems to be an attempt to ease the initial wrench of a long term relationship break up. If you have another gf lined up I would definitely avoid this as it comes across as an even bigger betrayal. Acknowledging the good times and offering friendship is about as good as it can get. Agree it is cruel to block without a reason but it is not unreasonable if her behaviour shows she cannot live with friendship. No easy way in these situations but a bit of respect and compassion is honourable.
TBH I don't even think people put that much thought put into it, for most I feel 'breaks' are simple denial.

Personally I think recent exes should be politely blocked, esp from social media where we already lie to the world about how good we're doing, in that context I feel it always causes trouble I don't really need to know how someone gets over me and I can't exactly open up to them about my breakup.
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Zarek
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(Original post by StriderHort)
TBH I don't even think people put that much thought put into it, for most I feel 'breaks' are simple denial.

Personally I think recent exes should be politely blocked, esp from social media where we already lie to the world about how good we're doing, in that context I feel it always causes trouble I don't really need to know how someone gets over me and I can't exactly open up to them about my breakup.
Yours does seem to be the common view
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