Would you date someone with kids.

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Anonymous #1
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Bf has a child who he co parents with the mum well.

He found out she has a bf but he doesn’t want her to know he has a gf because apparently it can cause drama. But if they co parent well how would it cause drama?

She lives out of London where his mum lives too snd when his mum comes to visit for the weekend the babymum will bring the child and they will all go together to his place. From what he tells me she doesn’t stay at the house and apparently her bf lives in london so I guess it’s convenient for her. His mum gets along with her too. ( them coming to London only started this year because he’s unable to go there )

I feel like this is way too much attachment to the family. When he has the child for weekend she has to see the child atleast once a day.

For example, he wants to take the child on holiday but 2years ago ( I wasn’t with him ) she came too because she didn’t want her child to be away from her she even started crying so he just let her come too. ( no way would I allow this when I’m with him) am I a ***** for that?

I feel like if he told me at the start she was this attached I wouldn’t have dated him. I also kinda feel like a secret because she don’t know about me. His sisters know about me. I’ve met his mum but not as a girlfriend. ( his mum clocked on and said to him only bring girls to me when your ready to get married)
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Zarek
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I think you’d need to like him a lot to take this on
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Anonymous #1
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We have our normal relationship issues. But then this on top makes me feel more like yuck.
BTw he’s flown to my home country 6 hrs away. When I was on holiday there. And met my mum because she was there too. So I feel like he’s not ready for his mum to know fully I’m his girlfriend so I regret him meeting my mum. Thing is when he was sick my mum made him food and stuff so he said he had to meet her out of respect and to say thanks.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Zarek)
I think you’d need to like him a lot to take this on
Right? I keep thinking to end it but I feel like that will show him I didn’t love him. He’ll probably see it like that.

He does keep us separate like it’s not like he involves us together and we have drama. She don’t know about me. But I can’t help but feel yuck towards this.
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StriderHort
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Seems a bit obvious that old wounds about exes and moving on have NOTHING to do with coparenting? That's between them as 2 people, not 3+.

If his family have already strongly bonded with the baby mother, they don't really have any motivation to accept you. His mum pretty much said it, she isn't interested in meeting people he's only dating
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Seems a bit obvious that old wounds about exes and moving on have NOTHING to do with coparenting? That's between them as 2 people, not 3+.

If his family have already strongly bonded with the baby mother, they don't really have any motivation to accept you. His mum pretty much said it, she isn't interested in meeting people he's only dating
Do you think this is acceptable for me to be with him or not.

Also what did you mean by the first part. She never told him she had a bf btw he found out she denied it then told the truth after. Because they vouched to not bring bf snd gf around this child snd he found out she brought her bf around her child.
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YaliaV123
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I would probably only date someone with children if I had children. The whole situation seems like an unnecessary headache.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think this is acceptable for me to be with him or not.

Also what did you mean by the first part. She never told him she had a bf btw he found out she denied it then told the truth after. Because they vouched to not bring bf snd gf around this child snd he found out she brought her bf around her child.
For Coparenting, well you asked how it would cause drama? The parenting is far from the only aspect to their relationship which has evidently had it's ups, downs and bitterness. If you want to know how exes co parenting can cause drama just look at the smoking section and waiting rooms of any family court and the venom, bitterness and recriminations practically paper the walls. And if the ex is in your life for EVER then so is at least some drama.

Acceptable to be with him? Strange way to put it, but I think you need to consider your own position, needs and self worth first (They are) Do you really want to progress with a relationship where, lets be honest, his ex will always have a stronger bond and be a presence in your life? As Zarek you'd need to like him an awful lot to really take it on beyond a bit of fun. Your boyfriend seems keen to keep the peace but not really change anything?
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StriderHort
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
I would probably only date someone with children if I had children. The whole situation seems like an unnecessary headache.
For me I think it would depend if the children happened to need an extra parent. if however it means i'm going to have an emo dad moping around my life from then on, that's a bit different.
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Anonymous #2
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No, I would never date a man with a child.

It’s way too messy and unless he is an AMAZING guy in literally every other way, idk why you are still with someone like him. His actions and family situation hardly make him a catch.

And no, I don’t think you are being a b*tch and this situation is not something I would get involved in.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
For Coparenting, well you asked how it would cause drama? The parenting is far from the only aspect to their relationship which has evidently had it's ups, downs and bitterness. If you want to know how exes co parenting can cause drama just look at the smoking section and waiting rooms of any family court and the venom, bitterness and recriminations practically paper the walls. And if the ex is in your life for EVER then so is at least some drama.

Acceptable to be with him? Strange way to put it, but I think you need to consider your own position, needs and self worth first (They are) Do you really want to progress with a relationship where, lets be honest, his ex will always have a stronger bond and be a presence in your life? As Zarek you'd need to like him an awful lot to really take it on beyond a bit of fun. Your boyfriend seems keen to keep the peace but not really change anything?
Yeah he wants to keep peace and to him this is the best way.
I don’t think that they have a stronger bond. Someone he will marry and have kids will he’ll have a stronger bond with the reason why people break up don’t have a continuing bond. The only bond is the child.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah he wants to keep peace and to him this is the best way.
I don’t think that they have a stronger bond. Someone he will marry and have kids will he’ll have a stronger bond with the reason why people break up don’t have a continuing bond. The only bond is the child.
I've actually done neither, so this is an educated guess, but the parents & child bond is massively stronger than any marriage bond. After birth both parents brains basically start releasing new chemicals to try and make them focus on the child and not eat it (and apparently, for the dad not to immediately leave the mum).

She is in there for life. Regardless of what the state of their relationship now is, she is family, even if it's slightly begrudged. As far as his mum is concerned she might simply see it as a matter of time until they get back together for the sake of the child, so outsiders aren't really welcome. (not something I really agree with, but grandparents are known to be keen on it)

Remember you likely don't know exactly 100% what is said between him, his ex and his mum... again, they're family and you're outside that.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by StriderHort)
For me I think it would depend if the children happened to need an extra parent. if however it means i'm going to have an emo dad moping around my life from then on, that's a bit different.
Maybe. I think I would be heartbroken if the relationship ended after I had developed a close bond with the child. Life is difficult enough and I definitely wouldn’t get involved in the OP’s situation.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
Maybe. I think I would be heartbroken if the relationship ended after I had developed a close bond with the child. Life is difficult enough and I definitely wouldn’t get involved in the OP’s situation.
Well, yeah, but to be direct people will be heartbroken when close bonds are broken with anyone. It's a risk of forming them.

Personally I wouldn't be massively keen either, unless i am so genuinely/lustfully infatuated and/or stupid, these things happen.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Well, yeah, but to be direct people will be heartbroken when close bonds are broken with anyone. It's a risk of forming them.

Personally I wouldn't be massively keen either, unless i am so genuinely/lustfully infatuated and/or stupid, these things happen.
so you think anyone in my situation is dumb?
They haven’t been together for almost 4 years btw. I would never go there if recently broke up.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Bf has a child who he co parents with the mum well.

He found out she has a bf but he doesn’t want her to know he has a gf because apparently it can cause drama. But if they co parent well how would it cause drama?

She lives out of London where his mum lives too snd when his mum comes to visit for the weekend the babymum will bring the child and they will all go together to his place. From what he tells me she doesn’t stay at the house and apparently her bf lives in london so I guess it’s convenient for her. His mum gets along with her too. ( them coming to London only started this year because he’s unable to go there )

I feel like this is way too much attachment to the family. When he has the child for weekend she has to see the child atleast once a day.

For example, he wants to take the child on holiday but 2years ago ( I wasn’t with him ) she came too because she didn’t want her child to be away from her she even started crying so he just let her come too. ( no way would I allow this when I’m with him) am I a b I t c h for that?

I feel like if he told me at the start she was this attached I wouldn’t have dated him. I also kinda feel like a secret because she don’t know about me. His sisters know about me. I’ve met his mum but not as a girlfriend. ( his mum clocked on and said to him only bring girls to me when your ready to get married)
Personally as a straight male
'Hell no, to the no, no, no'

Seriously though I would never date someone with kids unless I had them myself but I will only be married once anyways.
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londonmyst
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Never ever.
I have dating dealbreakers that rule out all guys with any descendants or parental responsibility for a child.
Don't date guys that have a close relationship with their parents, siblings or extended family members either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Never ever.
I have dating dealbreakers that rule out all guys with any descendants or parental responsibility for a child.
Don't date guys that have a close relationship with their parents, siblings or extended family members either.
With their own parents🤣?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
With their own parents🤣?
Yes.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Yes.
I agree with you on the kids, but having a good relation with parents or siblings isn't necessarily a bad thing (I assume you're referring to guys who are mummies boy or something like that??!)
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