Why do I do this? Please help me understand

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Everytime me and my boyfriend argue I said were broken up. After couple days one of us call eachother and squash it.

Why do I keep doing this? I feel like the more I’m doing this the more my bf doesn’t care.

Is our relationship ruined and over? This is very embarrassing to him myself and to our friends.


Please some advice.
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2003a39
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#2
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Of course he wouldn't care when you're exaggerating your statements (you're basically implying threat, so it's insincere). Talk about your issues one-by-one in person or over text, that way the frequency of arguments will decrease, make sure you're both trying to understand each other in the process.
Last edited by 2003a39; 4 weeks ago
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wilooo
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if its a particularly bad argument and u have them often then break up with them and ignore their calls. thats what id do otherwise youll just keep going in cirles
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ROTL94
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Here's some advice, grow up.
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NonIndigenous
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What exactly do you argue about?

Is it always the same things?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
What exactly do you argue about?

Is it always the same things?
No. Sometimes petty things. Sometimes lies. Sometimes not seeing eye to eye.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 2003a39)
Of course he wouldn't care when you're exaggerating your statements (you're basically implying threat, so it's insincere). Talk about your issues one-by-one in person or over text, that way the frequency of arguments will decrease, make sure you're both trying to understand each other in the process.
I think he’s got to the point where he don’t give a f. Because he’s acting like such an ******* to me. He thinks everytime I bring an argument up I’m just causing drama. But then he wouldn’t leave me snd he’ll try squash things with me. I said to him we aren’t working snd He said anyone can work it just depends if both parties are willing to

Literally like twice a month I’ll say we’re done I’m single so are you. Then regret it.
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wilooo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think he’s got to the point where he don’t give a f. Because he’s acting like such an ******* to me. He thinks everytime I bring an argument up I’m just causing drama. But then he wouldn’t leave me snd he’ll try squash things with me. I said to him we aren’t working snd He said anyone can work it just depends if both parties are willing to

Literally like twice a month I’ll say we’re done I’m single so are you. Then regret it.
if u cant get it to work and then its probably best to take a break and stick with it. the reason youre getting back together is probably because youre not used to being alone but try and get closer to your friends and stay up with them instead of him and you might be happier
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No. Sometimes petty things. Sometimes lies. Sometimes not seeing eye to eye.
Arguments over 'petty things' usually are a disguise for something more serious.

If the communication sucks... then those 'more serious' issues are probably not getting talked about. That's causing you to erupt over 'petty things'.

There's always more to this. I'm not taking his or your side here. There is far too little information. Maybe you are controlling and expect too much from him. Maybe you are not controlling, and he is just a careless ass who doesn't pay attention or listen to anything you say, and has been like this since the beginning. Maybe he wasn't like this since the beginning. Perhaps he initially cared, genuinely, or maybe only pretended to care. I don't know.

But I do know something... it is that the more often you say you are going to do something, and then you do not do it... the less people will respect you. Either do it, or do not say you will do it in the first place. You clearly do not have your emotions under control, and I doubt you can blame him for that.

Certainly, every time you have an argument and fail to resolve the real issues causing it (instead of picking on 'petty things'), the more fuel that will provide for your next argument in the future. That makes it harder to control your emotions, effects your judgement even worse, and etc. etc. There are no benefits.

I think... do not wait for another argument to happen. Just break up. Calmly. At least try to end on a positive note.
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2003a39
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think he’s got to the point where he don’t give a f. Because he’s acting like such an ******* to me. He thinks everytime I bring an argument up I’m just causing drama. But then he wouldn’t leave me snd he’ll try squash things with me. I said to him we aren’t working snd He said anyone can work it just depends if both parties are willing to

Literally like twice a month I’ll say we’re done I’m single so are you. Then regret it.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I think he’s got to the point where he don’t give a f. Because he’s acting like such an ******* to me. He thinks everytime I bring an argument up I’m just causing drama. But then he wouldn’t leave me snd he’ll try squash things with me. I said to him we aren’t working snd He said anyone can work it just depends if both parties are willing to

Literally like twice a month I’ll say we’re done I’m single so are you. Then regret it.
If he seems to not care, but you do, you're both on completely different levels and the relationship won't work out in the long-term. It does look like he likes to wind you up. Honestly, this is not healthy for both, if you feel like you want to come back, just cut him off completely, including social media. It's for the best, and I'm not one to suggest break-ups most of time.

"Literally like" just made my day lol.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Arguments over 'petty things' usually are a disguise for something more serious.

If the communication sucks... then those 'more serious' issues are probably not getting talked about. That's causing you to erupt over 'petty things'.

There's always more to this. I'm not taking his or your side here. There is far too little information. Maybe you are controlling and expect too much from him. Maybe you are not controlling, and he is just a careless ass who doesn't pay attention or listen to anything you say, and has been like this since the beginning. Maybe he wasn't like this since the beginning. Perhaps he initially cared, genuinely, or maybe only pretended to care. I don't know.

But I do know something... it is that the more often you say you are going to do something, and then you do not do it... the less people will respect you. Either do it, or do not say you will do it in the first place. You clearly do not have your emotions under control, and I doubt you can blame him for that.

Certainly, every time you have an argument and fail to resolve the real issues causing it (instead of picking on 'petty things'), the more fuel that will provide for your next argument in the future. That makes it harder to control your emotions, effects your judgement even worse, and etc. etc. There are no benefits.

I think... do not wait for another argument to happen. Just break up. Calmly. At least try to end on a positive note.
It’s defo my fault why I keep saying about breaking up. I said it 2 days ago because something annoyed me so much and it got so heated I couldn’t take it. And today I called him and I was crying trying to resolve the situation but it wasn’t getting anywhere so I just left it alone.

The main issues are: controlling ourselves when angry
Respecting eachother
Patience

I don’t want to break up with him and I don’t want to deal with the heated arguments. They escalate sometimes which ends up being out of control. Me and him have sat down for hours early morning.

My friends say we should have a 1 week break or something. Because when we argue next couple days we see eachother again

I don’t know how to stop saying this. I know it’s wrong the last 2 times we argued I didn’t say it and I controlled myself but then this time I said it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 2003a39)
If he seems to not care, but you do, you're both on completely different levels and the relationship won't work out in the long-term. It does look like he likes to wind you up. Honestly, this is not healthy for both, if you feel like you want to come back, just cut him off completely, including social media. It's for the best, and I'm not one to suggest break-ups most of time.

"Literally like" just made my day lol.
I don’t want to break up with him. But I find it hard during this relationship to control the arguments for the better.

I HATE THAT I SAY we’re breaking up but I don’t actually mean it and I’m confused why I say it.
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s defo my fault why I keep saying about breaking up. I said it 2 days ago because something annoyed me so much and it got so heated I couldn’t take it. And today I called him and I was crying trying to resolve the situation but it wasn’t getting anywhere so I just left it alone.

The main issues are: controlling ourselves when angry
Respecting eachother
Patience

I don’t want to break up with him and I don’t want to deal with the heated arguments. They escalate sometimes which ends up being out of control. Me and him have sat down for hours early morning.

My friends say we should have a 1 week break or something. Because when we argue next couple days we see eachother again

I don’t know how to stop saying this. I know it’s wrong the last 2 times we argued I didn’t say it and I controlled myself but then this time I said it.
Then take a month's break. That allow both of you to calm your nerves, and give you the space you need to think more rationally about what is going on. This works a lot of the time.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t want to break up with him. But I find it hard during this relationship to control the arguments for the better.

I HATE THAT I SAY we’re breaking up but I don’t actually mean it and I’m confused why I say it.
it might be because you're angry at him for one reason or the other and you want him to put more effort in the relationship and take you seriously, might also be because you want him to change his ways and for him to realise that he shouldb't mess about and risk losing you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Then take a month's break. That allow both of you to calm your nerves, and give you the space you need to think more rationally about what is going on. This works a lot of the time.
A month? I don’t know if he agrees with breaks. Because a lot of time he wants to see me majority of the week and be around me a lot.

If he calls should I just ignore it or call back another day or what?

A month is a lot to me. Do you think a week is ok?

I’m really embarrassed to not actually leave. All my friends and his friends know I do this. He even Said it’s tiring like what excuse really do I have ?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A month? I don’t know if he agrees with breaks. Because a lot of time he wants to see me majority of the week and be around me a lot.

If he calls should I just ignore it or call back another day or what?

A month is a lot to me. Do you think a week is ok?

I’m really embarrassed to not actually leave. All my friends and his friends know I do this. He even Said it’s tiring like what excuse really do I have ?
you should put yourself first and soon you'll realise that you don't need him , he does not reciprocate your feelings and as hard as it might be you have to move on
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you should put yourself first and soon you'll realise that you don't need him , he does not reciprocate your feelings and as hard as it might be you have to move on
Should i move on now?
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A month? I don’t know if he agrees with breaks. Because a lot of time he wants to see me majority of the week and be around me a lot.

If he calls should I just ignore it or call back another day or what?

A month is a lot to me. Do you think a week is ok?

I’m really embarrassed to not actually leave. All my friends and his friends know I do this. He even Said it’s tiring like what excuse really do I have ?
How long have you been together?

If your arguments are every 2 weeks, than a month is a good period.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Should i move on now?
i really think that's the best thing to do , you'll start to feel mucuh better after
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
How long have you been together?

If your arguments are every 2 weeks, than a month is a good period.
Almost a year. He first showed interest 3 years ago but I wasn’t interested.
How do I go about explaining it to him? About a break
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