Have you pigeon holed someone in a friend category even if you liked them at first

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Anonymous #1
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Question for both guys and girls.

Have you ever been into someone (as in you would date them) at first but then no one made a move and you became friends. And then the other made a move/asked you out months or years later and you rejected them because you only see them as a friend now?

So i mean have you ever subconsciously pigeon holed someone into a friend only category even if you really liked them to start with?
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OctoberRain7
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I've become friends with people I previously crushed on because I knew I couldn't be with them. If any of the people I'm thinking of asked me out now and I was single I'd probably say no because my tastes have changed.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by OctoberRain7)
I've become friends with people I previously crushed on because I knew I couldn't be with them. If any of the people I'm thinking of asked me out now and I was single I'd probably say no because my tastes have changed.
What’s the reason you couldn’t be with them? And are you male or female?
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Anonymous #2
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I was friends with a guy for 2 years, like really close friends. We met when we were 16 and immediately clicked, I liked him a lot and he liked me too, yet it was complicated and we never actually dated. For 2 whole years. Many times I swore to move on but I still liked him after all that time.
We began seeing each other a lot more during the first term he came back from university, and about a month later he confessed he liked me, and had liked me in the past but wanted to keep me as a friend, and we've now been dating for several months. TBH, when he returned from uni, I hadn't really had a chance to find someone else as I'd been at home (I'm starting university next academic year).
So, if he had not asked me out, I would have moved on and found someone else, and would probably have passively pigeon-holed him into a "friend" category anyway. But who knows?

Alternatively, I also liked a guy a couple years ago, and then became friends with him and entirely lost interest. We used to have a great friendship chemistry (I don't talk to him anymore as much) but I would not in a million years consider dating him.

So yes and noSubmit reply
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was friends with a guy for 2 years, like really close friends. We met when we were 16 and immediately clicked, I liked him a lot and he liked me too, yet it was complicated and we never actually dated. For 2 whole years. Many times I swore to move on but I still liked him after all that time.
We began seeing each other a lot more during the first term he came back from university, and about a month later he confessed he liked me, and had liked me in the past but wanted to keep me as a friend, and we've now been dating for several months. TBH, when he returned from uni, I hadn't really had a chance to find someone else as I'd been at home (I'm starting university next academic year).
So, if he had not asked me out, I would have moved on and found someone else, and would probably have passively pigeon-holed him into a "friend" category anyway. But who knows?

Alternatively, I also liked a guy a couple years ago, and then became friends with him and entirely lost interest. We used to have a great friendship chemistry (I don't talk to him anymore as much) but I would not in a million years consider dating him.

So yes and noSubmit reply
So basically attraction fluctuates with time and a guy has to ask you out at the right time to get a yes?
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OctoberRain7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What’s the reason you couldn’t be with them? And are you male or female?
Not that it really matters but I'm female. The issue, essentially, was that they were also female. If I didn't know they were straight I would've just asked them out before it got to that point, as I've done with friends in the past (male friends in case you're wondering).
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So basically attraction fluctuates with time and a guy has to ask you out at the right time to get a yes?
Exactly that. It was pure chance that I hadn't found anyone; if I had, it would be likely I would then see him as nothing more than a friend. Timing timing timing.
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londonmyst
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No.
I don't make friends with guys that I am sexually attracted to and will never date friends or coworkers.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
No.
I don't make friends with guys that I am sexually attracted to and will never date friends or coworkers.
What would happen if a guy you liked never made a move? And you just became friends?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What would happen if a guy you liked never made a move? And you just became friends?
I won't make friends with the guys that I am attracted to.
Never go beyond casual acquaintances or business contacts.
That said I am only attracted to guys older than me and date with a minimum 15 year age gap.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I won't make friends with the guys that I am attracted to.
Never go beyond casual acquaintances or business contacts.
That said I am only attracted to guys older than me and date with a minimum 15 year age gap.
What if he never made a move and was just friendly to you?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What if he never made a move and was just friendly to you?
I'd probably assume that he had a gf or was incompatible with my long list of dating dealbreakers and friendzone.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I'd probably assume that he had a gf or was incompatible with my long list of dating dealbreakers and friendzone.
What are your dating dealbreakers? And what assumption would you make if he never made a move?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What are your dating dealbreakers? And what assumption would you make if he never made a move?
I have over 30 dating dealbreakers that are mostly focused on personality, values, ambitions and sexual compatibility.
Some connected with accent, body appearance, health, diet and height.
I date single heterosexual guys that are at least 15 years older than me, secular, fluent english speakers, at least 5'4 tall and not close to their family members.

I automatically assume that guy friends and coworkers are not attracted or sexually interested in me.
Of course, incompatible guys who know me very well will never ask me out as they are fully aware that I am not compatible with their lifestyle or values and will only turn them down.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I have over 30 dating dealbreakers that are mostly focused on personality, values, ambitions and sexual compatibility.
Some connected with accent, body appearance, health, diet and height.
I date single heterosexual guys that are at least 15 years older than me, secular, fluent english speakers, at least 5'4 tall and not close to their family members.

I automatically assume that guy friends and coworkers are not attracted or sexually interested in me.
Of course, incompatible guys who know me very well will never ask me out as they are fully aware that I am not compatible with their lifestyle or values and will only turn them down.
Fair enough. It’s good that you know what you’re looking for.

Can I ask - if you assume someone (for example a guy friend) is not interested, will you always reject them?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Fair enough. It’s good that you know what you’re looking for.

Can I ask - if you assume someone (for example a guy friend) is not interested, will you always reject them?
Yes.
I view it as a direct choice between friendship or sexual involvement.
All friends are sexually off-limits.
Same applies to coworkers, family members and housemates.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Yes.
I view it as a direct choice between friendship or sexual involvement.
All friends are sexually off-limits.
Same applies to coworkers, family members and housemates.
That’s interesting. Do you think this is true for the majority of women?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s interesting. Do you think this is true for the majority of women?
I think that most teenagers and women in their early 20s try to avoid dating friends.
For fear of ending up in a fwb scenario that does not work out and ends up ruining the friendship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I think that most teenagers and women in their early 20s try to avoid dating friends.
For fear of ending up in a fwb scenario that does not work out and ends up ruining the friendship.
Older women looking for something more long term? They say some of the best relationships start as friendships (when it goes well).
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Older women looking for something more long term? They say some of the best relationships start as friendships (when it goes well).
Yes, this often happens.
Some women in the mid 30s to 40s age range who are worried about their fertility declining are often willing to date or have children with single guy friends.
Pensioners who have been alone for a long time may well be open to get married to a friend of similar age so that they will have some company or access to a readymade family with grandchildren.
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