I messaged my ex after a month. Help

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Anonymous #1
#1
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A month ago my ex told me not to contact her or she'd report me. I didn't contact her for a month and then a month later, I asked her if she would like to be friends and that I'm sorry. Is that considered harassment?
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anosmianAcrimony
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#2
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It’s not an awful thing to ask but you should have respected her wish not to be contacted and you shouldn’t contact her any more.
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deciduous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A month ago my ex told me not to contact her or she'd report me. I didn't contact her for a month and then a month later, I asked her if she would like to be friends and that I'm sorry. Is that considered harassment?
No I don’t think so, I think you were being respectful and gave her space. I don’t think she was being serious when she said that. She probably said it because she was carried away. Has she responded or read your message? Can you provide more details? What did you do for her to say those things?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
It’s not an awful thing to ask but you should have respected her wish not to be contacted and you shouldn’t contact her any more.
Is it an offence though? I have stopped now.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by deciduous)
No I don’t think so, I think you were being respectful and gave her space. I don’t think she was being serious when she said that. She probably said it because she was carried away. Has she responded or read your message? Can you provide more details? What did you do for her to say those things?
I made stupid stories on instagram saying please can we get back together... and she said stop them immediately and I did but she said anymore contact and she would report me. A month later I message her to say I'm sorry and that I regret my actions and if she wants to be friends. But she explicitly told me not to message her, however, I have waited a month so hopefully it isn't harassment? She's seen my messages but not replied so I'm really worried.
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jump_up88
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It's not harassment, but like the above comment said respect her wishes.
she might have moved on so should you. get back on the horse my friend plenty of other girls out there. Just try not to **** it up next time. Live and learn.
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silkypokemon96
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A month ago my ex told me not to contact her or she'd report me. I didn't contact her for a month and then a month later, I asked her if she would like to be friends and that I'm sorry. Is that considered harassment?
Not harassment, but she did ask you not to contact her, so please adhere to that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by silkypokemon96)
Not harassment, but she did ask you not to contact her, so please adhere to that.
I will. I'll never contact her again. I really hope it isn't harassment. because it says unwanted messages are counted as harassment I think so yeah
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I will. I'll never contact her again. I really hope it isn't harassment. because it says unwanted messages are counted as harassment I think so yeah
I think in the most technical and literal sense your most recent message would be ’’counted’’ as harassment, but as long as you don’t contact her ever again, she has no real reason to report it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
I think in the most technical and literal sense your most recent message would be ’’counted’’ as harassment, but as long as you don’t contact her ever again, she has no real reason to report it.
What!!! But it's not really something threatening and it's been a month though.... Are you sure?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What!!! But it's not really something threatening and it's been a month though.... Are you sure?
Nope, you haven't done anything worthy of 'harassment'. You are getting yourself worried over nothing to be honest. You haven't harassed her at all. If you kept contacting her for months, then yes that would be. But you didn't at all so no, it's not considered harassment and she can't do anything to you for it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nope, you haven't done anything worthy of 'harassment'. You are getting yourself worried over nothing to be honest. You haven't harassed her at all. If you kept contacting her for months, then yes that would be. But you didn't at all so no, it's not considered harassment and she can't do anything to you for it.
Thank you so much! And also she hasn't blocked me so she had the tools to stop me from contacting her didn't she!

Also, I did contact her for about a couple of weeks during the start but then I stopped for a month and only now I asked her if we can be friends and if she doesn't want to, that I won't contact her anymore.

So she definitely cannot get me in trouble isn't it! Please reassure me because I'm having a breakdown right now.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nope, you haven't done anything worthy of 'harassment'. You are getting yourself worried over nothing to be honest. You haven't harassed her at all. If you kept contacting her for months, then yes that would be. But you didn't at all so no, it's not considered harassment and she can't do anything to you for it.
I did bother her in the first few weeks but it's been a month now and all I asked was if she wanted to be friends and that I was ashamed of my actions, so I showed that I'm not looking for trouble isn't it.
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Anonymous #1
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Can I get a criminal record for it?
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Cryoraptor
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I don't know what you did to make her say that, but I've been told a similar thing before (it had no meaning and I hadn't done anything to warrant it) and if my experience is anything to go off, someone who says something like that is not worth the trouble of being with in the first place. You may have done something to warrant that response but you didn't mention that. If you don't mind talking about it, why did she threaten to report you?

Also, no this isn't harassment and you could never be convicted of a crime for this.
Last edited by Cryoraptor; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
I don't know what you did to make her say that, but I've been told a similar thing before (it had no meaning and I hadn't done anything to warrant it) and if my experience is anything to go off, someone who says something like that is not worth the trouble of being with in the first place. You may have done something to warrant that response but you didn't mention that. If you don't mind talking about it, why did she threaten to report you?

Also, no this isn't harassment and you could never be convicted of a crime for this.
Basically we broke up a month ago, and I couldn't come to terms with the break up. So, I started messaging her a lot and telling her to forgive me and get back with me. Then she told me she doesn't want to be with me and to stop, but I kept going and posting on my story, but I set my privacy on Instagram so only she could see my stories and was writing stuff like please let's get back together I'm sorry and stuff. She warned me again and said she'd report me if I mentioned her one more time. So I left her alone for a month and today I messaged her saying that I'm ashamed of what I done and that I'm sorry and if she wants to be friends, if not, that I would stop contact with her. So I basically gave her an option to be friends and an apology.

I did not threaten her or anything. However, these were unwanted messages and I hear that unwanted messages are classed as cyber-bullying.

I'm really worried I could get a restraining order or something and then a criminal record
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Cryoraptor)
I don't know what you did to make her say that, but I've been told a similar thing before (it had no meaning and I hadn't done anything to warrant it) and if my experience is anything to go off, someone who says something like that is not worth the trouble of being with in the first place. You may have done something to warrant that response but you didn't mention that. If you don't mind talking about it, why did she threaten to report you?

Also, no this isn't harassment and you could never be convicted of a crime for this.
Are you 100% it's not an offence 😭
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Cryoraptor
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Basically we broke up a month ago, and I couldn't come to terms with the break up. So, I started messaging her a lot and telling her to forgive me and get back with me. Then she told me she doesn't want to be with me and to stop, but I kept going and posting on my story, but I set my privacy on Instagram so only she could see my stories and was writing stuff like please let's get back together I'm sorry and stuff. She warned me again and said she'd report me if I mentioned her one more time. So I left her alone for a month and today I messaged her saying that I'm ashamed of what I done and that I'm sorry and if she wants to be friends, if not, that I would stop contact with her. So I basically gave her an option to be friends and an apology.

I did not threaten her or anything. However, these were unwanted messages and I hear that unwanted messages are classed as cyber-bullying.

I'm really worried I could get a restraining order or something and then a criminal record
(Original post by Anonymous)
Are you 100% it's not an offence 😭
What you've done so far is not a criminal offence but if you continue it might be. It's not cyberbullying but it's unwanted attention. I suggest you respect her wishes and don't message her again. My situation was nothing like this; what you claimed she said sounded eerily familiar and I was starting to wonder whether it was a small world but it sounds like you didn't tell us the full story and you are the one in the wrong. If you start messaging her again when she's made it clear she doesn't want the attention then it could become harassment and that could get your social media accounts banned, possibly even police intervention. Let it go man. You'll find someone else. She's clearly not interested as hard as that might be to face.

If you're having to stop and question whether what you're doing is a criminal offence or whether you can get in trouble, then it probably is an offence and it's time to think about what you're doing. Don't be stupid, think about the consequences of actions you might take.
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GabiAbi84
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Right so someone comments “it’s not harassment” and you ask them “are you sure?”
Someone else comments it is harassment and you also ask them “are you sure?”
If you’re not going to listen to anything anyone says either way then why ask?
Also, saying “she could have blocked me but she didn’t” does not excuse your behaviour. Blaming the victim is not a good look.she doesn’t *have* to do anything more than tell you to stop -which she did.

As others have said it is technically still unwanted contact which you have been asked to cease.

That being said, she is hardly likely to report a single message apologising so I doubt you have anything to worry about. I suggest that you delete her number and any other means of contact so that you’re not tempted to continue on this.
Last edited by GabiAbi84; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Right so someone comments “it’s not harassment” and you ask them “are you sure?”
Someone else comments it is harassment and you also ask them “are you sure?”
If you’re not going to listen to anything anyone says either way then why ask?
Also, saying “she could have blocked me but she didn’t” does not excuse your behaviour. Blaming the victim is not a good look.she doesn’t *have* to do anything more than tell you to stop -which she did.

As others have said it is technically still unwanted contact which you have been asked to cease.

That being said, she is hardly likely to report a single message apologising so I doubt you have anything to worry about. I suggest that you delete her number and any other means of contact so that you’re not tempted to continue on this.
But she has previous messages saved most likely from last month. I messaged her a lot last month and she probably has that as evidence against me.
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