How do I ask her without coming off as insecure

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Anonymous #1
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So I want to know how I can ask her this out coming off as insecure. Essentially this is a part 2 of a post from earlier but i’ll give a quick recap, we’ve been speaking for 2 months, have planned out a 2nd date which is for tomorrow. Asked her a few days ago and she said she should about able to go she might have something with work come up and she said find out today and she’s essentially gone ghost since yesterday.

I want to ask her basically what are you doing do you even feel anything towards me without coming off as insecure. I’d someone could help me that would be great on how I can better word it.
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CaptainDuckie
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So roughly about 8 weeks you’ve been speaking....

I wouldn’t say asking for reassurance is necessarily being insecure, maybe try asking her “so what are your plans for the future?”

Then maybe when she says “wbu”, you can then start to say you’re thinking of including her in your future and see her reaction to it

I thought of this on the spot tbh.


Or just ask her directly, that’s what I’d do IMO.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
So roughly about 8 weeks you’ve been speaking....

I wouldn’t say asking for reassurance is necessarily being insecure, maybe try asking her “so what are your plans for the future?”

Then maybe when she says “wbu”, you can then start to say you’re thinking of including her in your future and see her reaction to it

I thought of this on the spot tbh.


Or just ask her directly, that’s what I’d do IMO.
Ok, so i’m thinking of asking “How do you feel things are going?”. Hopefully I can get some sort of answer from that to be honest
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Bang Outta Order
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Lol the question alone is not only insecure it's scary. Needy guys aren't attractive to women and probably not even to LGBT men as well. A normal response to being told she's busy and can't go would be to say "alright then, let me know when you're free, we'll chat then and see if we can meet up." but straight interrogating her "what are you doing, why don't you want to meet up, is it me?" regardless how you word it. That's just sick. Don't do that. If she never meets up again then you'll know when you get to that point that she rejected you. Despite your perspective. She doesn't have to rationalise her feelings to you. Wait it out and keep questions to yourself.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Lol the question alone is not only insecure it's scary. Needy guys aren't attractive to women and probably not even to LGBT men as well. A normal response to being told she's busy and can't go would be to say "alright then, let me know when you're free, we'll chat then and see if we can meet up." but straight interrogating her "what are you doing, why don't you want to meet up, is it me?" regardless how you word it. That's just sick. Don't do that. If she never meets up again then you'll know when you get to that point that she rejected you. Despite your perspective. She doesn't have to rationalise her feelings to you. Wait it out and keep questions to yourself.

Ah, I thought OP wanted reassurance about how things were going on their little talking experience

(Generally)

There’s nothing wrong with asking that, if anything it just saves time.............

I agree with you though :yy:
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 4 weeks ago
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Ah, I thought OP wanted reassurance about how things were going on their little talking experience

(Generally)

There’s nothing wrong with asking that, if anything it just saves time.............

I agree with you though :yy:
I disagree. There's a lot wrong with it. If you dont think so, then thankfully you must have never asked or been asked that question and got the result that you most definitely will get. Never ask anyone why they can't meet up with you or do something small for you. Unless you want them to think you're psycho. You are right though. It'll save you time wondering if she wants you because you'll kick yourself right out the door asking weird stuff.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
I disagree. There's a lot wrong with it. If you dont think so, then thankfully you must have never asked or been asked that question and got the result that you most definitely will get. Never ask anyone why they can't meet up with you or do something small for you. Unless you want them to think you're psycho. You are right though. It'll save you time wondering if she wants you because you'll kick yourself right out the door asking weird stuff.

Alright. So let’s refer back to OP’s case.....


She said to him that she would get back to him but didn’t, in all honesty, she could have just forgot or been extremely busy etc..


If he was to ask her on a normal day, “so how are things going between us?”, I don’t see that as a bad thing, but I do view asking “why can’t you meet up with me?” in a patronising way as bad...


There’s a slight difference in such that context is important, and when the appropriate time is to reflect.....



Also, if you did ask why they couldn’t meet in a non-patronising way, then it could just mean that the person is curious. There’s nothing wrong with seeking additional information.........
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 4 weeks ago
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Alright. So let’s refer back to OP’s case.....


She said to him that she would get back to him but didn’t, in all honesty, she could have just forgot or been extremely busy etc..


If he was to ask her on a normal day, “so how are things going between us?”, I don’t see that as a bad thing, but I do view asking “why can’t you meet up with me?” in a patronising way as bad...


There’s a slight difference in such that context is important, and when the appropriate time is to reflect.....
I'm not debating my opinion with you. I disagree with you already.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
I'm not debating my opinion with you. I disagree with you already.


Please, educate me. I might be missing something here.


I honestly don’t see asking that question as bad, it would be helpful if you rephrased it and explained a bit further.........
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Bang Outta Order
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Well anyways
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Well anyways


Alright.... I do know what you’re saying though.

Coming off as needy is probably the worse hole you can dig yourself into...


But asking a simple question such as “how are things going between us, do you reckon?” is not being needy. So idk why you would disagree with what I’m saying to you....
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