Proof Read this please! Important!!

Watch
minnierocks
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#1
So I'm applying for head girl and I've done this one question on the application and I could do with it being proof-read to ensure it sounds coherent and good please.



If I were appointed a role on the Leadership team, in order to promote kindness and equality, we would need to ensure that students are educated about how equality is about ensuring individuals are treated fairly and equally, no matter their race, gender, age, disability, or religion since kindness and equality are about recognising and respecting these differences to create an inclusive learning environment without any prejudice. Overall, my aim would be to ensure that nobody is discriminated against because they’re perceived as being “different” and that everybody is treated equally.

For example, we could create PowerPoints to be read in form time and assemblies which teach students about a broad range of relevant themes such as different cultures, religions, disabilities (and more) so that they are aware of the differences which makes everybody unique and are aware that these are normal and should never be discriminated against. Furthermore, there could be displays for inside classrooms and in the corridors which are created by students which promote kindness and equality by clearly highlighting how everyone should accepted and treated fairly for who they are. Also, as part of the Home School Agreement within our planners, we could introduce a section which clearly explains the school’s expectations on how students should treat others equally and shouldn’t discriminate against anyone or encourage stereotypes about people due to their differences.
Last edited by minnierocks; 2 months ago
0
reply
Wired_1800
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 2 months ago
#2
Here is my version (PS: I claim no rights or ownership to the content below):

If I was appointed a role on the Leadership team, in order to promote kindness and equality, we would need to ensure that students are educated about how equality is about ensuring individuals are treated fairly and equally, no matter their race, gender, age, disability, or religion since kindness and equality are about recognising and respecting these differences to create an inclusive learning environment without any prejudice. Overall, my aim would be work with the teaching staff and my peers to ensure that nobody is discriminated against because they are perceived as being “different” and that everybody is treated equally.

For example, I can work with the school community to create a new programme called ‘Weekly Outlook’, which would be PowerPoints to be read in form time and assemblies that teach students about a broad range of relevant themes such as different cultures, religions, disabilities (and more) so that they are aware of the differences which makes everybody unique plus are aware that these are normal and should accepted as part of our school community. Furthermore, there could be displays for inside classrooms and in the corridors which are created by students that promote kindness and equality by clearly highlighting how everyone should accept and treat fairly for who they are.


Finally, as part of the Home School Agreement within our planners, we could introduce a section which clearly explains the school’s expectations on how students should treat others equally and shouldn’t discriminate against anyone or encourage stereotypes about people due to their differences.
1
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#3
Report 2 months ago
#3
I suggest that you use shorter sentences.

https://writingexplained.org/was-vs-were-difference
Last edited by ageshallnot; 2 months ago
0
reply
minnierocks
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#4
(Original post by Wired_1800)
Here is my version (PS: I claim no rights or ownership to the content below):

If I was appointed a role on the Leadership team, in order to promote kindness and equality, we would need to ensure that students are educated about how equality is about ensuring individuals are treated fairly and equally, no matter their race, gender, age, disability, or religion since kindness and equality are about recognising and respecting these differences to create an inclusive learning environment without any prejudice. Overall, my aim would be work with the teaching staff and my peers to ensure that nobody is discriminated against because they are perceived as being “different” and that everybody is treated equally.

For example, I can work with the school community to create a new programme called ‘Weekly Outlook’, which would be PowerPoints to be read in form time and assemblies that teach students about a broad range of relevant themes such as different cultures, religions, disabilities (and more) so that they are aware of the differences which makes everybody unique plus are aware that these are normal and should accepted as part of our school community. Furthermore, there could be displays for inside classrooms and in the corridors which are created by students that promote kindness and equality by clearly highlighting how everyone should accept and treat fairly for who they are.


Finally, as part of the Home School Agreement within our planners, we could introduce a section which clearly explains the school’s expectations on how students should treat others equally and shouldn’t discriminate against anyone or encourage stereotypes about people due to their differences.
Thank you so much for the edits to this!
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Poll: What factors affect your mental health most right now? Post-lockdown edition

Anxiousness about restrictions easing (54)
6.07%
Uncertainty around my education (101)
11.35%
Uncertainty around my future career prospects (94)
10.56%
Lack of purpose or motivation (110)
12.36%
Lack of support system (eg. teachers, counsellors, delays in care) (44)
4.94%
Impact lockdown had on physical health (48)
5.39%
Social worries (incl. loneliness/making friends) (99)
11.12%
Financial worries (60)
6.74%
Concern about myself or my loves ones getting/having been ill (40)
4.49%
Exposure to negative news/social media (56)
6.29%
Difficulty accessing real life entertainment (26)
2.92%
Lack of confidence in making big life decisions (86)
9.66%
Worry about missed opportunities during the pandemic (72)
8.09%

Watched Threads

View All