Maybe I'm looking into it too much.

Right, here's the clichéd part. I'm eighteen, male, never had a girlfriend.

Previously, when I've asked for advice from friends, it's usually "just talk to her, go for it etc." At uni, my closest friend is possibly one of the closest friends I've ever had (and I've only been here for four weeks). When it comes to offering each other advice, he shares my lack of experience with the opposite sex, but for a different reason.

Whereas I can't seem to make it work, he doesn't want to make it work. Basically, he's opposed to dating; I think it's because of his religion. He reckons that dating is not worth the time, because if you're not serious (as in for life) about someone, you're just setting yourself up for a bad end.

I'm starting to take this on board, and I'm asking myself whether I want a girlfriend or not if I'm not sure about marrying her. I'm trying to snap out of it though: isn't dating all about that "sweet little mystery", and it being exciting? I'm not interested in sexual contact at all unless the relationship is fairly serious (i.e. four-five months or longer).

Also, I've met this girl in one of my language classes. Every time I talk to her, I am dead nervous, and I want to ask her out, but I remember my flatmate's words: "why bother if you're going to split up eventually?"

Does anyone feel similar? Am I just being too deep and I should just ask this girl out? Cheers. :biggrin:

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Reply 1

Champagne Supernova

You're not anon.
Go for it.
If it doesn't work, the world isn't going to explode. Then move on and get on with life.
Just think, you'll never know if you don't try.

Reply 2

meercatman

ask her out! :biggrin:

Reply 3

rockrunride

Champagne Supernova

You're not anon.
Go for it.
If it doesn't work, the world isn't going to explode. Then move on and get on with life.
Just think, you'll never know if you don't try.

Yeah, I edited it out. Cba, might as well make myself known.

I know, but if I'm not one hundred percent certain, which I never am..

Reply 4

jarralisa

You shouldnt think that way or it'll fail anyway because you wont put the effort in.Datings a good way to find out about each other and if you take his word for it now you'll get stuck in a rut.

Reply 5

Coy Girl

Do it

you might really regret it if you don't! You only live once and all that. And you don't necessarily know now whether or not you might marry her, so it would be a shame for you to miss out. :smile:

Reply 6

MichaelG

Tell your religious friend to kill himself now because he will die anyway :rolleyes:

and i say go for it! Stop thinking about the future and think about yourself in the present :smile:

Reply 7

Nude

I percieve frequent 'daters' as conscienceless filth. Those little kiddies who go out every weekend actively seeking a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" make me chuckle, and then vomit and rage a little.

With that in mind, let me say that you should dispose of your new method of thought untill after you give it a shot. That is - dont fall into a mindset of never having a partner and that being okay. Love is the most magnificent of things, so be open to it. Just dont go begging and trecking for it, let it find you.

Reply 8

Champagne Supernova

rockrunride

Yeah, I edited it out. Cba, might as well make myself known.

I know, but if I'm not one hundred percent certain, which I never am..

If you're not 100% it makes all that more exciting :rolleyes:

Reply 9

rockrunride

MichaelG

Tell your religious friend to kill himself now because he will die anyway :rolleyes:

and i say go for it! Stop thinking about the future and think about yourself in the present :smile:

I really respect his opinion though: we're almost like brothers.

Don't we have to weigh up the consequences?

Reply 10

thecaterpillar

Well, do you want a serious, long term relationship straight off? Or do you want to just relax, meet girls you like, hang out with them, and see if it goes anywhere?

Every relationship 'might end', so what's the point of holding back because of it? There are SO many people in the world that the first person you date ever is unlikely to be the perfect one for you. Having shorter relationships can help you find your feet and figure out who you are as a person that relates to other people. Just because they're short doesn't mean they don't mean anything =] Everyone you know closely is probably going to have some kind of impact on you, just because you might split up doesn't mean you shouldn't start in the first place - you don't know what you'll miss. That girl might be the one you will marry, but how would you ever know?

There's no real advice I can give you about talking to girls or whatever, just remember that they really are ordinary people, they have the same insecure hang-ups as you do, and no one is perfect and totally confidant all of the time.

Reply 11

rockrunride

What about ending it though? I know flatmates are a no-go area because you have to live with them every day, but what about classmates?

Reply 12

KickingTheHabit

Dont think so much sweetheart =]

Love is one of the most exciting things you'll ever feel. And as someone with experience, even if it ends badly, once you stop hurting you'll look back upon some of the best memories you'll ever make.

Do it =]

Ask her out.

Reply 13

MichaelG

rockrunride

I really respect his opinion though: we're almost like brothers.

Don't we have to weigh up the consequences?

You're talking about having a girlfriend not about donating both your legs :rolleyes:

Reply 14

rockrunride

MichaelG

You're talking about having a girlfriend not about donating both your legs :rolleyes:

Yeah but relationships end on different notes. Some good, some bad, some don't end at all, like my Mum and Dad. I'm naturally trying to avoid a bad ending.

Reply 15

shamrock92

Your friend is a legend

Reply 16

Artemis-Hsr

why don't you just talk to the girl a bit more and make sure you definitely like her!
and you said you don't want sex for 4/5 months so if it doesn't last that long nvm :smile:

Reply 17

tazarooni89

I think I'd share the same opnion as your friend.

Unless you've known someone for a fair while, you probably can't judge whether a relationship with them would last or not. And I know breakups aren't the end of the world, but they sure do suck >_<

How often does it happen that you "like" someone, but a few months later you know more about them, and you realise they're not the type of person you would have wanted to go out with anyway? I personally wouldn't want to waste my time... It might be good while it lasts, but I'd think ahead too. How about getting to know her better first? And if after a while, you've decided that you still really like her, then go for it :smile:

And if you decide that she probably isn't the kind of girlfriend you wanted, then at least you've made a new friend.

Having said that, a nice progression from Acquaintance -> Friend -> Girlfriend -> Wife sounds pretty good. I don't think there's any need to start jumping ahead :P

Reply 18

MichaelG

rockrunride

Yeah but relationships end on different notes. Some good, some bad, some don't end at all, like my Mum and Dad. I'm naturally trying to avoid a bad ending.

why?

experience is important.

Basically, there is no way you can ever be 100% certain that a relationship will always be good. All relationships have their ups and downs you know!