I'm in my 3rd year of uni and don't have friends. Would appreciate some advice

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3rdyearuni
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I didn't know where to post this so I found this site, which I'm hoping would help me and my dilemmas.

I'm currently starting my third year of university and don't have any friends except for one person in uni, who I met in high school. She's going to France to study abroad, which means I can't rely on her nor can I have her as somewhat of a buffer (we're both very socially awkward, but when we have each other we're braver).I was told that first year would be great for joining societies, meeting people in Fresher's and making friends with people in my flat. I have done all of these things, yet have no one to show for it. I didn't get on great with my flatmates (there was no hostility there, I am just extremely socially awkward), I am disabled which means my idea of fun is staying home and having drinks, playing tabletop board games or random video games. I met people in societies and stuff, but we'd text back and forth a couple of times and it would stop there.

I was more hopeful in second year, because I was somewhat advised (by the internet, of course) that first year wasn't the be-all, end-all. I have met no one. Corona hit, but I feel like I wouldn't have been able to make friends anyway because I am socially awkward. I'm now planning on moving back into student accommodation, but can only move in with first years because of my disability and no accessible accommodation.

I'm feeling very down about this. I know that I could try harder to assimilate with the new flatmates, but I'm also aware that it's weird to be this far into university life (3rd year) without any friends to show for it and even if I manage to make friends with them, we'd be in very different stages of life (I'd graduate within two years, they'd graduate two years after me). I don't want to be the loser flatmate who is in 3rd year with no friends and feeling desperate to hang out with 1st years. I also don't want to start lying to them and pretending I have a social life outside of them.

TL;DR: I have social anxiety and this affects me greatly when meeting new people. I behave awkwardly, and this has gotten worse over the past years so even the friends I did have have somewhat distanced themselves. I don't know what to do with this whole 3rd year/no friends thing, because it seems so late into university life to try and make new friends, and even if I manage to (which is highly unlikely), I don't know what to do from there about trying to maintain these relationships without coming across as a friendless loser. Would much appreciate any advice, but please be gentle and helpful (not to sound too pathetic lmao) because I'm feeling very hopeless right now.
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macpatgh-Sheldon
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Good morning young lady!

Sorry to hear this news - it is quite a common scenario so don't feel stigmatized that it is just you alone in this boat.

I see where you are coming from cos I faced an analogous situation in a few degrees as a mature student, so that in theory, the age difference in my case was right from the 1st year. In any case, my thinking, taste of music, preferences were slightly different from those of the "kids", especially in my 4th degree.

I think the fact that you joined clubs/societies was a good idea - sorry that you did not develop strong relationships there. 3rd year can be hectic in terms of work load and exams; however, it is still worth joining clubs, particularly sports clubs, where you will get to know people. I understand that you may not be v sporty [some girls [and guys] are not] but take up a few and then you might enjoy one or two - sometimes these clubs have organized joint dinners/parties, so that might open a few doors for you.

I suppose I am not "socially awkward" so my problem was a bit opposite, especially with girls cos they were chasing me left right and centre and I am not a sprinter lol [more middle distance, having been brought up 30 miles from where the Kenyan athletes train!] - coming to this aspect of things, one tip I would give you is that if you dress up well, apply some mascara, style your hair etc then go to functions/dos/social events, I am sure there will be some young guys who would be only too pleased to meet you - it is a normal biological phenomenon! [I am assuming that you are not Lesbian/gay]

It is a well-known fact that people who stick together generally tend have similar interests/personalities/tastes, so there are defo people out there like yourself also looking to make friends.

Finally, one thing I have learnt over a few years is that with anything in life never put "all your eggs in one basket" - therefore, take a multi-pronged approach and success will follow.

Good luck & be safe!
M.
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_byr
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(Original post by 3rdyearuni)
I didn't know where to post this so I found this site, which I'm hoping would help me and my dilemmas.

I'm currently starting my third year of university and don't have any friends except for one person in uni, who I met in high school. She's going to France to study abroad, which means I can't rely on her nor can I have her as somewhat of a buffer (we're both very socially awkward, but when we have each other we're braver).I was told that first year would be great for joining societies, meeting people in Fresher's and making friends with people in my flat. I have done all of these things, yet have no one to show for it. I didn't get on great with my flatmates (there was no hostility there, I am just extremely socially awkward), I am disabled which means my idea of fun is staying home and having drinks, playing tabletop board games or random video games. I met people in societies and stuff, but we'd text back and forth a couple of times and it would stop there.

I was more hopeful in second year, because I was somewhat advised (by the internet, of course) that first year wasn't the be-all, end-all. I have met no one. Corona hit, but I feel like I wouldn't have been able to make friends anyway because I am socially awkward. I'm now planning on moving back into student accommodation, but can only move in with first years because of my disability and no accessible accommodation.

I'm feeling very down about this. I know that I could try harder to assimilate with the new flatmates, but I'm also aware that it's weird to be this far into university life (3rd year) without any friends to show for it and even if I manage to make friends with them, we'd be in very different stages of life (I'd graduate within two years, they'd graduate two years after me). I don't want to be the loser flatmate who is in 3rd year with no friends and feeling desperate to hang out with 1st years. I also don't want to start lying to them and pretending I have a social life outside of them.

TL;DR: I have social anxiety and this affects me greatly when meeting new people. I behave awkwardly, and this has gotten worse over the past years so even the friends I did have have somewhat distanced themselves. I don't know what to do with this whole 3rd year/no friends thing, because it seems so late into university life to try and make new friends, and even if I manage to (which is highly unlikely), I don't know what to do from there about trying to maintain these relationships without coming across as a friendless loser. Would much appreciate any advice, but please be gentle and helpful (not to sound too pathetic lmao) because I'm feeling very hopeless right now.
Hey! What uni are you at?

But I know how you feel when it comes to feeling pretty lonely, but I do believe that things like societies will pick up again once they can because of Covid, so people will be raring to go because more people that you imagine are in really similar situations - so hopefully if you were willing to try them again they may be more successful this time around. Have you joined group chats for your uni/course?
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YasminSR
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Sorry I can't provide any actual advice, but I am starting third year this September and can really resonate with this whole post. Hope things get better for both of us in the coming year
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3rdyearuni
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(Original post by YasminSR)
Sorry I can't provide any actual advice, but I am starting third year this September and can really resonate with this whole post. Hope things get better for both of us in the coming year
Sorry for the late response - I truly do, fingers crossed. If it does end up getting better for you, keep me updated so I can get some hope myself that things'll get better.
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3rdyearuni
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(Original post by _byr)
Hey! What uni are you at?

But I know how you feel when it comes to feeling pretty lonely, but I do believe that things like societies will pick up again once they can because of Covid, so people will be raring to go because more people that you imagine are in really similar situations - so hopefully if you were willing to try them again they may be more successful this time around. Have you joined group chats for your uni/course?
Hey, sorry for the late response!

I don't know if I should say, my life is pretty pathetic and I put down a lot of identifiable information on this post so I'm worried that if I put down the name of my uni, it'd be the final nail on the coffin lmao.

I've been posting this dilemma here and there and people have been telling me the same thing about how other people are in similar situations - but from my perspective it doesn't seem to be the case, which is why I'm finding it so difficult. I'm sure there definitely are others in my uni or even course with the same issue, but the people who I come across in my day-to-day uni life seem to all have established some sort of support system in uni, so it seems like it's a "me" issue and not a "some people" issue. I'm sure the students with similar issues are probably laying low and hiding, just like I am - which makes it doubly more difficult. It's also why I find going to societies difficult, because my experience with them is that people always go with one other person and they tend to stick with their cliques. As someone who has social anxiety, I find it difficult to adjust to that group setting, be witty and tend to shrivel up into myself which means I'm likely not going to make any ties with anyone in that sort of environment.

I joined group chats for my courses but never speak because I have an issue with coming across a lot more humorous and likable over text, but when we actually meet face-to-face I struggle to have that same impact, which is what I meant by that little tidbit on my post saying "we'd text back and forth a couple of times and it would stop there," so I rarely text on group chats now.
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tired_
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(Original post by 3rdyearuni)
I am disabled which means my idea of fun is staying home and having drinks, playing tabletop board games or random video games.
Woah, we have so much in common! Yay, but also I'm sorry, because I know how much this situation sucks. I'm going into year 2, and year 1 i got put with extremely extraverted flatmates. They were nice, but I didn't have the energy or desire to party tbh. I only enjoy drinking to the point of being tipsy in an environment I feel safe in. I'm also disabled, but I'm going to be living in a house next year. My main uni friend is from school too, and I'm living with her and her friends next year. They're actually nice and I feel I could get along with them, and I have a couple friends but... eh, I'm hoping to find someone with similar interests, morals, a more low-key vibe, etc. I don't know which uni you're at, but I would love a (socially awkward) board games evening! (Knowing my luck we'll be ages apart.) But yeah, sorry for the lack of advice, but know that you're not alone. Feel free to direct message me (I apparently can't because my account is too new) if you like. A lot can change in a year, so hopefully life works out for us x
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3rdyearuni
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(Original post by tired_)
Woah, we have so much in common! Yay, but also I'm sorry, because I know how much this situation sucks. I'm going into year 2, and year 1 i got put with extremely extraverted flatmates. They were nice, but I didn't have the energy or desire to party tbh. I only enjoy drinking to the point of being tipsy in an environment I feel safe in. I'm also disabled, but I'm going to be living in a house next year. My main uni friend is from school too, and I'm living with her and her friends next year. They're actually nice and I feel I could get along with them, and I have a couple friends but... eh, I'm hoping to find someone with similar interests, morals, a more low-key vibe, etc. I don't know which uni you're at, but I would love a (socially awkward) board games evening! (Knowing my luck we'll be ages apart.) But yeah, sorry for the lack of advice, but know that you're not alone. Feel free to direct message me (I apparently can't because my account is too new) if you like. A lot can change in a year, so hopefully life works out for us x
Thanks for this message - it really did make me feel like I wasn't the only one feeling like this in uni. I sent you a DM, hopefully you got it!
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Lancaster Student Ambassador
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Hi 3rdyearuni
I’m sorry you feel like this it has been more difficult recently with more things being online to make friends. I highly suggest looking to see if your university has any events to meet people- even if they are online! Have a look for buddy schemes or mentor schemes as this can be a great way to meet other students. Maybe also have a look for any volunteering or part time roles even if they are virtual because they can be a great way to connect with other students. I would have another look at the societies your uni offers is their a gaming society or anything like that you might be interested in. And I honestly just recommend taking things at your own pace and doing whatever you are comfortable with! This year some students have also been struggling to make friends so there are probably some people out there who feel the same as you!
Hope you enjoy your final year!
Lancaster university student ambassador Holly
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YasminSR
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(Original post by 3rdyearuni)
Sorry for the late response - I truly do, fingers crossed. If it does end up getting better for you, keep me updated so I can get some hope myself that things'll get better.
Hiya no worries, and will do! Always happy happy to have a chat too if you ever just want to talk 😊
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