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Gay men with a girlfriend

The thread about a gay guy with a girlfriend made me think why would a gay man have a girlfriend and want a heterosexual life?
they don't want to let their girlfriend know and hurt her feelings, they don't want anyone to know they are gay, they are ashamed of being gay, they are unsure if they are gay, they might be bisexual. As you can see there are many reasons why that could be.
Please don't continue closed threads :smile:

To answer your question, we live in a heteronormative society so heterosexual nuclear families can often be seen as superior to homosexual couples. There is a lot of pressure, depending on your upbringing, to uphold tradition in that way.

Of course there's also (internalised) homophobia in general...
Reply 3
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by Anonymous
they don't want to let their girlfriend know and hurt her feelings, they don't want anyone to know they are gay, they are ashamed of being gay, they are unsure if they are gay, they might be bisexual. As you can see there are many reasons why that could be.

Still quite a lot of shame in being gay then.
Reply 4
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Anonymous #1
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Original post by Vapordave
Please don't continue closed threads :smile:

To answer your question, we live in a heteronormative society so heterosexual nuclear families can often be seen as superior to homosexual couples. There is a lot of pressure, depending on your upbringing, to uphold tradition in that way.

Of course there's also (internalised) homophobia in general...

I defo think that internalised homophobia is a big part of it.
Original post by Vapordave
Please don't continue closed threads :smile:

To answer your question, we live in a heteronormative society so heterosexual nuclear families can often be seen as superior to homosexual couples. There is a lot of pressure, depending on your upbringing, to uphold tradition in that way.

Of course there's also (internalised) homophobia in general...

nice theory did they teach it to you during your sociology degree
Original post by EU Yakov
nice theory did they teach it to you during your sociology degree

It’s true, though. There are a ton of homophobes in the world. It’s misguided and doomed but kind of understandable to say, ’’I just don’t want to deal with all that ****, I’ll just act straight.’’
(edited 2 years ago)
Reply 7
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Vapordave
Please don't continue closed threads :smile:

To answer your question, we live in a heteronormative society so heterosexual nuclear families can often be seen as superior to homosexual couples. There is a lot of pressure, depending on your upbringing, to uphold tradition in that way.

Of course there's also (internalised) homophobia in general...


Original post by EU Yakov
nice theory did they teach it to you during your sociology degree

I feel sorry for that poster as a happy gay man who has previously struggled with my sexuality. Do you?
Original post by EU Yakov
nice theory did they teach it to you during your sociology degree

Yeah, at the University of Life :cool:
Reply 9
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by anosmianAcrimony
It’s true, though. There are a ton of homophobes in the world. It’s misguided and doomed but kind of understandable to say, ’’I just don’t want to deal with all that ****, I’ll just act straight.’’

Yes homophobes are a big factor in this to.
Reply 10
Avatar for Ciel.
Ciel.
21
i mean the world is still kinda homophobic
being gay still can get you killed in some countries
plus there's family/societal pressure sometimes
Original post by Ciel.
i mean the world is still kinda homophobic
being gay still can get you killed in some countries
plus there's family/societal pressure sometimes

Yes important to remember how far behind other countries are still.
I'm a pretty shy/anxious guy from a homophobic family so I definitely considered trying to find a girl I liked as a friend and then dating her, because it would be easier than dealing with all the consequences of being an openly gay guy. I'm glad I didn't though, I've got a boyfriend now :biggrin:
Idk what the specific situation in the thread is but presumably they're bisexual? We get confused as straight or gay all the time especially as many people at some point assume they're one or the other and realise they're not, a few people have in confusion referred to me as a "lesbian with a boyfriend" or something similar in the past.
Reply 14
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BitMel
17
Original post by EU Yakov
nice theory did they teach it to you during your sociology degree

I defiantly cringed at 'heteronormative,' but if the previous OP had a very homophobic family, its not unlikely that he's pretending to be straight because of that or just doesn't want to be gay.
Original post by BitMel
I defiantly cringed at 'heteronormative,' but if the previous OP had a very homophobic family, its not unlikely that he's pretending to be straight because of that or just doesn't want to be gay.

Why would the previous OP not want to be gay?
Reply 16
Avatar for BitMel
BitMel
17
Original post by Anonymous
Why would the previous OP not want to be gay?

Internalised homophobia probably? Family pressures if their family is heavily homophobic? Maybe if they have preconceived wants or expectations about how their future family life would be e.g. wanting a wife and bio kids and learning that being gay means they wont have that etc.

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