Recently got a boyfriend and he told me he was seeing 2 other girls. What do I do?

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EmperessVicky
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Last month, I had a guy ask me to write a story for him. I agreed and asked what he wanted to contribute etc. We had surprisingly good chemistry! He's an American, so he got flustered at my casual use of terms like "Dear, Love, etc." He was adorable, we would get lost in tangents and have so much fun writing the book. He ticked all the traits of my dream guy: quirky, shy, excitable. And he was a tease and easily aroused. It quickly became... lewd (my doing) and we were going through the motions. We got more and more intimate and we were freely saying "I love you" and such. Things were going great.

Then just last night, he tells me that he may have been cheating on me. I said "explain" and he said he has 2 other girlfriends. At first, I was shocked because he looked like he would struggle to talk to a woman, let alone have 2 at once. I felt stupid because he did ask me about how I felt about Polyamory. I had a really rough time in high school. It was battle after battle with my mental health but I swore I would be never dragged back. I thought this guy would be the beginning of a new me. He helped make me feel confident in my skin, feel mature, and just okay.

Understandably, I got mad. I told him "What the ****?!" I wondered if it was a trick to get nudes and to get someone to write for him. He said no, that I made him feel all the things he made me feel. He asked if he dumped the other 2 (who don't know I exist) would I take him back. He lives in Texas, so I can't make sure he'll be chatting behind my back. He swore on his father's grave that he'll be loyal.

I said we should sleep on it and he agreed.

What should I do? Should I take him back?

EDIT:

Thanks for all the advice, everyone.

I asked him to explain what exactly was happening with everything. He has autism (I knew this before we started flirting) and this definitely caused some miscommunication. I told him to tell me his relationship history and how he ended up chatting to me with 2 other people. He didn't leave anything out and from his description of the relationship, it wasn't polyamorous. In his words, he "felt like a cuck" since all his other girlfriends were dating someone else and they (the girlfriend's boyfriend) would attack him if he tried to do the same. His difficulty with social interaction made those situations worse, as it did with ours. He's super insecure (our convos prior to our flirting - when it was just about the book - also show this).

With this in mind, I decided to keep the relationship but we're going slow. We admit we rushed into it, so we're getting to know each other better before going back to where we were. Our book is a good distraction and I'm learning more about him, which is good. I've never had a boyfriend before - for a very long time, I thought I'd never have one - so I want to cling on to him a little longer. But once the red flags start popping up, I'm hopping out of there and waiting until University to date again. He hasn't triggered any save for this "event" so we're good for now. Cue obligatory "you're an idiot" comments. To which I say...

Yeah. I really am.
Last edited by EmperessVicky; 1 month ago
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CaptainDuckie
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When he asked about how you felt about polyamory, what did you say?
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HumbleBee_x
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U break up.
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HoldThisL
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he probably won't change for you, you probably don't want what he has
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anosmianAcrimony
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Did you ever talk explicitly about being exclusive with each other? Regardless he’s misled you a lot here and it wasn’t remotely fair to keep these kinds of secrets from you. If you did have him dump the other two and get with him exclusively, do you feel you could ever trust him?
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Anonymous #1
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Don't waste your time
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Did you ever talk explicitly about being exclusive with each other?

Very important question. OP calls her “boyfriend” a “guy”

(Original post by EmperessVicky)
Last month, I had a guy ask me to write a story for him.

Which makes me think that he probably thought that polyamory was acceptable due to them not being actually official and her not actually being clear that she didn’t want someone who was interested in that.
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SlaveofAll
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This is why people should go to the getting-to-know-each-other phase first before proceeding with having relationships.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by EmperessVicky)
Last month, I had a guy ask me to write a story for him. I agreed and asked what he wanted to contribute etc. We had surprisingly good chemistry! He's an American, so he got flustered at my casual use of terms like "Dear, Love, etc." He was adorable, we would get lost in tangents and have so much fun writing the book. He ticked all the traits of my dream guy: quirky, shy, excitable. And he was a tease and easily aroused. It quickly became... lewd (my doing) and we were going through the motions. We got more and more intimate and we were freely saying "I love you" and such. Things were going great.

Then just last night, he tells me that he may have been cheating on me. I said "explain" and he said he has 2 other girlfriends. At first, I was shocked because he looked like he would struggle to talk to a woman, let alone have 2 at once. I felt stupid because he did ask me about how I felt about Polyamory. I had a really rough time in high school. It was battle after battle with my mental health but I swore I would be never dragged back. I thought this guy would be the beginning of a new me. He helped make me feel confident in my skin, feel mature, and just okay.

Understandably, I got mad. I told him "What the ****?!" I wondered if it was a trick to get nudes and to get someone to write for him. He said no, that I made him feel all the things he made me feel. He asked if he dumped the other 2 (who don't know I exist) would I take him back. He lives in Texas, so I can't make sure he'll be chatting behind my back. He swore on his father's grave that he'll be loyal.

I said we should sleep on it and he agreed.

What should I do? Should I take him back?
Why are you even posting this you know the answer
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Wannabevetnurse
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(Original post by EmperessVicky)
Last month, I had a guy ask me to write a story for him. I agreed and asked what he wanted to contribute etc. We had surprisingly good chemistry! He's an American, so he got flustered at my casual use of terms like "Dear, Love, etc." He was adorable, we would get lost in tangents and have so much fun writing the book. He ticked all the traits of my dream guy: quirky, shy, excitable. And he was a tease and easily aroused. It quickly became... lewd (my doing) and we were going through the motions. We got more and more intimate and we were freely saying "I love you" and such. Things were going great.

Then just last night, he tells me that he may have been cheating on me. I said "explain" and he said he has 2 other girlfriends. At first, I was shocked because he looked like he would struggle to talk to a woman, let alone have 2 at once. I felt stupid because he did ask me about how I felt about Polyamory. I had a really rough time in high school. It was battle after battle with my mental health but I swore I would be never dragged back. I thought this guy would be the beginning of a new me. He helped make me feel confident in my skin, feel mature, and just okay.

Understandably, I got mad. I told him "What the ****?!" I wondered if it was a trick to get nudes and to get someone to write for him. He said no, that I made him feel all the things he made me feel. He asked if he dumped the other 2 (who don't know I exist) would I take him back. He lives in Texas, so I can't make sure he'll be chatting behind my back. He swore on his father's grave that he'll be loyal.

I said we should sleep on it and he agreed.

What should I do? Should I take him back?
He asked you what you thought of polyamory.....didn't you start to wonder then??

I don't think he misled you at all, as he did hint to him being polyamorous. You should do what you feel you should do. We can't tell you how to feel, or what to do. It's your life/relationship.
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LLD
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(Original post by EmperessVicky)
Last month, I had a guy ask me to write a story for him. I agreed and asked what he wanted to contribute etc. We had surprisingly good chemistry! He's an American, so he got flustered at my casual use of terms like "Dear, Love, etc." He was adorable, we would get lost in tangents and have so much fun writing the book. He ticked all the traits of my dream guy: quirky, shy, excitable. And he was a tease and easily aroused. It quickly became... lewd (my doing) and we were going through the motions. We got more and more intimate and we were freely saying "I love you" and such. Things were going great.

Then just last night, he tells me that he may have been cheating on me. I said "explain" and he said he has 2 other girlfriends. At first, I was shocked because he looked like he would struggle to talk to a woman, let alone have 2 at once. I felt stupid because he did ask me about how I felt about Polyamory. I had a really rough time in high school. It was battle after battle with my mental health but I swore I would be never dragged back. I thought this guy would be the beginning of a new me. He helped make me feel confident in my skin, feel mature, and just okay.

Understandably, I got mad. I told him "What the ****?!" I wondered if it was a trick to get nudes and to get someone to write for him. He said no, that I made him feel all the things he made me feel. He asked if he dumped the other 2 (who don't know I exist) would I take him back. He lives in Texas, so I can't make sure he'll be chatting behind my back. He swore on his father's grave that he'll be loyal.

I said we should sleep on it and he agreed.

What should I do? Should I take him back?
"He tells me that he may have been cheating on me" Give me a break! He knows perfectly well that he was cheating on you. I once had a male friend who asked me to write a paper for him (because his writing stunk) whhich I did. Subsequently I learned that he had passed off the paper to another girlfriend, as his own work! Let me give you a hint: many men use social media to "live" a more satisfactory life than their real life. You can not believe a thing they say. Not one thing. Anybody who claims he will drop somebody else in favor of you will just turn around and start a new account using a different name so he can maintain that relationship. You can do better than this loser. Just block him; you need not explain.
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EmperessVicky
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I did wonder, but neither of us brought it up. I found it a bit strange that he asked, but I was desperate to deny it, I guess.
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EmperessVicky
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
When he asked about how you felt about polyamory, what did you say?
It was a vague thing and we immediately distracted by something else. It was very early in the relationship.

He brought it up now because he doesn't want me to continue under false pretenses.
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EmperessVicky
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
When he asked about how you felt about polyamory, what did you say?
I didn't say anything because we were interrupted.

But he told me that his poly relationship wasn't actually polygamous more like being in 2 separate relationships while those 2 are dating. It made him feel like in his words "a cuck".
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EmperessVicky
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why are you even posting this you know the answer
Because this is the first guy that's ever been interested in me. I have never had a relationship before and I want some advice.

We're still talking now, and he's been nothing but sincere but I still feel a bit of dread.
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EmperessVicky
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Did you ever talk explicitly about being exclusive with each other? Regardless he’s misled you a lot here and it wasn’t remotely fair to keep these kinds of secrets from you. If you did have him dump the other two and get with him exclusively, do you feel you could ever trust him?
No, surprisingly. I didn't think of that, it's only recently that's asked that we'd be exclusive. He told me now (rather early in our relationship) because he didn't want to pull one over on me months down the line.

As for trusting him? I really want to, but I don't know. I'm trying to keep communication as open and welcoming as possible but there's only so much comfort found online.
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EmperessVicky
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Very important question. OP calls her “boyfriend” a “guy”




Which makes me think that he probably thought that polyamory was acceptable due to them not being actually official and her not actually being clear that she didn’t want someone who was interested in that.
I think you're right. I didn't make it clear I wasn't interested in that. But he was also scared that I'd avoid him if he brought it up so I guess we're both at fault.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by EmperessVicky)
It was a vague thing and we immediately distracted by something else. It was very early in the relationship.

He brought it up now because he doesn't want me to continue under false pretenses.

Well, he did tell you.

(Original post by EmperessVicky)
I think you're right. I didn't make it clear I wasn't interested in that. But he was also scared that I'd avoid him if he brought it up so I guess we're both at fault.

Yep.

(Original post by EmperessVicky)
No, surprisingly. I didn't think of that, it's only recently that's asked that we'd be exclusive. He told me now (rather early in our relationship) because he didn't want to pull one over on me months down the line.

As for trusting him? I really want to, but I don't know. I'm trying to keep communication as open and welcoming as possible but there's only so much comfort found online.

Are you going to be exclusive with him? He did say he’ll dump them for you.
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EmperessVicky
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Well, he did tell you.




Yep.




Are you going to be exclusive with him? He did say he’ll dump them for you.
Definitely on the exclusiveness thing. I'm too much of a coward to try anything. I respect him too much (he explained his story and cheating on him would devastate him). Plus I'm very adverse to people who cheat. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I only give him the exception because he explained without issue. He was awkward about it because he's got Asperger's - social cues aren't his forte.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by EmperessVicky)
Definitely on the exclusiveness thing. I'm too much of a coward to try anything, plus I'm very adverse to people who cheat. I don't want to be a hypocrite.

Ok. Good luck :yy:
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