I feel really sad around my friends and the fact I dont have a boyfriend.Watch
I started sixthform this year and didnt know anybody, I became friends with a group of boys (im a girl) who have been friends since they were in year 7. I really enjoy being around them but I feel so excluded sometimes because they have known eachother for so long and sometimes I feel like such an infiltrator. I feel like none of them really care for what I have to say and when I say something they will say its stupid or make fun of me but in a friend way because thats how they are with eachother? But Im not used to that and it makes me feel really bad about myself. They also use discord and when I go on I just feel so out of place and tense and I dont know why. The issue is I dont want to be friends with anybody else, I have so much fun with them and feel like I am just overthinking all the time but it still stresses me out because my friendship group just lacks the affection I am looking for. Individually I feel like I can talk to any of them and have deep conversations however as a group I feel like I just shut down and become **** with conversations. Today my friend said I can be really awkward or s*** with conversations sometimes and I dont know how or why? I would say I am an ambivert but more introverted and I dont engage with conversation i find pointless. I also just like to be quiet most of the time and I guess they find that boring sometimes which makes me feel insecure. I think I am overthinking about most of it but I dont know how to stop.
I also think because I lack affection from my friends I have really come to want a boyfriend. I am 18 in 3 months and I havent even had my first kiss it’s actually horrible. I liked one of the boys in my friend group and when they found out they said they just wanted to be friends and I dont think I have ever felt so heartbroken in my life because I liked him so much. I just want to be loved by other people than my family (that sounds terrible I know but its just a feeling of validation i guess) and its just bugging me quite a lot. I have heard uni is the time where people find their best friends and boyfriends and everything but I hate feeling so unsatisfied Any advice?
I had similar feelings of loneliness in 6th form and had to wait until 21, after uni!, for my first proper kiss. I think it’s quite common for this to be a challenging time. I think your friendship group is in to laddish banter and while this is fun it’s also a bit oppressive. Perhaps try to widen your friendship group a bit or take up some hobbies where you meet like minded people. My main advice is that there is plenty of time to find good friends an relationships and to try relax a bit and enjoy. I did find a young persons counsellor who really helped me see thing in perspective and focus on the right things. Keep at it you have lots of good things in your life and can certainly build upon them