I want to escape from my parent's abuse, can I count on SFE for help?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I started psychotherapy last year, and I am slowly starting to remember all the things done to me throughout my childhood. It hurts so god damn much, and with each new memory I unbury, I can't help but want to flee.

Don't get me wrong, there have been so many tries to get our relationship better, but it just never worked out. I had family therapy for that and my own attempts, which just backfired. I even had a social worker for a while, though nothing got done because I never had bruises to show. After all these years of maltreatment and with more and more memories coming back, I have no faith in trying anymore; I just want to breathe. I want to leave.

Currently, my parent sends in evidence of household income to support my application.

My concern is what I do if I don't put down a parent on my application? The idea of facing, or even reaching out to, my parent after all this is petrifying. Even now I can barely hold a conversation, much less ask for a favour. I want to avoid giving them this sort of power over me — for my sanity's sake.

I've read up that circumstances where the application is considered when a student is estranged from parents. I am not sure whether I could go down this category? I feel like it would be more of me estranging them than the other way around.

I just need to know that I would be financially secure if I was to escape.
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xfinalfantasyxvi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I started psychotherapy last year, and I am slowly starting to remember all the things done to me throughout my childhood. It hurts so god damn much, and with each new memory I unbury, I can't help but want to flee.

Don't get me wrong, there have been so many tries to get our relationship better, but it just never worked out. I had family therapy for that and my own attempts, which just backfired. I even had a social worker for a while, though nothing got done because I never had bruises to show. After all these years of maltreatment and with more and more memories coming back, I have no faith in trying anymore; I just want to breathe. I want to leave.

Currently, my parent sends in evidence of household income to support my application.

My concern is what I do if I don't put down a parent on my application? The idea of facing, or even reaching out to, my parent after all this is petrifying. Even now I can barely hold a conversation, much less ask for a favour. I want to avoid giving them this sort of power over me — for my sanity's sake.

I've read up that circumstances where the application is considered when a student is estranged from parents. I am not sure whether I could go down this category? I feel like it would be more of me estranging them than the other way around.

I just need to know that I would be financially secure if I was to escape.
My opinion on this is: try figure out or confirm by the psychotherapist that you are estranged, if so. Then push forward with the SFE or push together really. I never knew what is it like to grow with parents and may not be the best person to advice, but I think it all starts with the parents and their approach towards you, so maybe they have to visit a therapist. Always escape from abuse and the faster- the better. Options to escape are 2, I suppose... 1 is to physically escape and 2 is to escape mentally. About the part with remembering the bad childhood.. try not to and focus on the future with only best moments to recall and when bad moments come by - just laugh however crazy it may sound
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I started psychotherapy last year, and I am slowly starting to remember all the things done to me throughout my childhood. It hurts so god damn much, and with each new memory I unbury, I can't help but want to flee.

Don't get me wrong, there have been so many tries to get our relationship better, but it just never worked out. I had family therapy for that and my own attempts, which just backfired. I even had a social worker for a while, though nothing got done because I never had bruises to show. After all these years of maltreatment and with more and more memories coming back, I have no faith in trying anymore; I just want to breathe. I want to leave.

Currently, my parent sends in evidence of household income to support my application.

My concern is what I do if I don't put down a parent on my application? The idea of facing, or even reaching out to, my parent after all this is petrifying. Even now I can barely hold a conversation, much less ask for a favour. I want to avoid giving them this sort of power over me — for my sanity's sake.

I've read up that circumstances where the application is considered when a student is estranged from parents. I am not sure whether I could go down this category? I feel like it would be more of me estranging them than the other way around.

I just need to know that I would be financially secure if I was to escape.
Do you still live with your parents?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
Do you still live with your parents?
No, I don't. I applied to universities outside of town so that I would have to move out. Though, in all honesty, it sometimes doesn't feel like I've moved at all
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No, I don't. I applied to universities outside of town so that I would have to move out. Though, in all honesty, it sometimes doesn't feel like I've moved at all
Then as long as you no longer live with them you could go through the estrangement route so that their financial info is not needed or considered. I think you should either make a burner account on here and post in the Ask Student Finance England bit or phone them directly.
Last edited by ROTL94; 1 month ago
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Coventry University Student Ambassadors
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I started psychotherapy last year, and I am slowly starting to remember all the things done to me throughout my childhood. It hurts so god damn much, and with each new memory I unbury, I can't help but want to flee.

Don't get me wrong, there have been so many tries to get our relationship better, but it just never worked out. I had family therapy for that and my own attempts, which just backfired. I even had a social worker for a while, though nothing got done because I never had bruises to show. After all these years of maltreatment and with more and more memories coming back, I have no faith in trying anymore; I just want to breathe. I want to leave.

Currently, my parent sends in evidence of household income to support my application.

My concern is what I do if I don't put down a parent on my application? The idea of facing, or even reaching out to, my parent after all this is petrifying. Even now I can barely hold a conversation, much less ask for a favour. I want to avoid giving them this sort of power over me — for my sanity's sake.

I've read up that circumstances where the application is considered when a student is estranged from parents. I am not sure whether I could go down this category? I feel like it would be more of me estranging them than the other way around.

I just need to know that I would be financially secure if I was to escape.
Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences. I myself am classed as an estranged student according to SFE. Although the process is a little difficult and lengthy, once you are classed as estranged you will get the financial support you will need. In my case, I had to have someone confirm I had no contact with my parents for 12 months. This person had to be someone who knew me and was in a professional position. I personally used one of my university tutors who was aware of my familial relationships. I also had to provide a written statement which had to be agreed by the person signing. Another point which had to be made was that the relationship was beyond repair and no contact for the future was likely.

However, if you have had contact within the last 12 months, there are other steps which can be taken so don't worry! The estrangement team who you will be in contact with deal specifically with family concerns and are there to help and support you. This is a link to the UCAS website which you may have seen already but if you scroll down it mentions about estranged status.

I can understand that this can be a difficult process so if you would like any advice from a student who's been through the process, please let me know and I'll do my best to advise.

Mel - CU Scarborough Student Ambassador (Primary Education and Teaching Studies)
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